Venting My thoughts

[Anni]

Some people are not made for living. This sentence is on repeat in my head. It's funny because the only person I think that applies to is me. Everyone else has hope. Their situation can improve. Mine not. Narcissistic much? God. xd

No, seriously it feels like I should be living my life on an easy mode. Upper middle class family that loves me, bunch of people interested in me romantically, great childhood ect. Why am I like this?
Now that I'm writing it... It feels like some pathetic looser, who just can't try hard enough. But it feels like I try so hard everyday. Everything is so hard for me. Why is everything so hard? Even writing a fucking email takes me so long. Even writing this I'm anxious.
Ghosh it's always like this. I feel like there's hope and then it's forcefully taken from me... every time. Can't wait for myself to be fed up with this nonsense grow some balls and end it once and for all.

I hope it's okay to just post here my random rambling. Mods feel free to just delete it - just like I want to delete myself haHAhaa

 

[BlizzardSnow]

i feel like that too! i have a good relationship with my familly, moneys not that big of an issue and my childhood has been good however i still have a strong urge to ctb. everything i have to do is such a big burden, i feel like i cant get myself to do anything a lot of the time. dont feel like my lifes going to improve either. it would take a lot for me to not want to ctb anymore, life is so difficult :(

I hope your situation does improve, even if you dont think it can! Good luck on whatever you decide is best

 

[finishLana]

Some people are not made for living. This sentence is on repeat in my head. It's funny because the only person I think that applies to is me. Everyone else has hope. Their situation can improve. Mine not. Narcissistic much? God. xd

No, seriously it feels like I should be living my life on an easy mode. Upper middle class family that loves me, bunch of people interested in me romantically, great childhood ect. Why am I like this?
Now that I'm writing it... It feels like some pathetic looser, who just can't try hard enough. But it feels like I try so hard everyday. Everything is so hard for me. Why is everything so hard? Even writing a fucking email takes me so long. Even writing this I'm anxious.
Ghosh it's always like this. I feel like there's hope and then it's forcefully taken from me... every time. Can't wait for myself to be fed up with this nonsense grow some balls and end it once and for all.

I hope it's okay to just post here my random rambling. Mods feel free to just delete it - just like I want to delete myself haHAhaa

Im sorry you are feeling this way, I am actually in the same boat as we are both here. There are plenty of reasons why: generalized anxiety disorder, depression, borderline personality disorder, adhd or gazillion other reasons. Life can get better, it might even get easier, you can outgrow/overcome it or feel better with medication. Saying that I feel you, I can't get ctb out of my mind, it's exhausting.