BasqueClown
Zirkua ata heriotza
- Jun 9, 2022
- 121
I don't trust myself. I don't trust my family. I don't trust doctors. I don't trust my hallucinations who tell me keep going and be happy.
Christian believers said, at the moment of baptism, "I died to the world and live to Christ", well, in my case, in the previous second I start hanging I'll say "I die for the world, I live to the void"
I promise myself to die until 26 april but since the current despairing circumstances who family is threatening me to hospitalize me again in the psychiatric ward, the delusions being more intense and a extreme hopelessness about my future, I'm planning to run away as soon as I can from home and finding a place in the night to hang myself.
Things escalated quickly and I'm beyond repair. That fucking 89 Rue des Sablières Hospital made more damage than helping. And it's about 2 years since my first attempt and since I joined this forum in order to put in order my life, only to succumb to minor felonies and drug abuse, and failing again to be an adult.
I'm in 3 duloxetines right now because I was so agitated that I was tempted to use a knife against me or my family and I'm in a severe vigilance. I'm in a two story apartment so I guess I can escape from the balcony or something.
I don't want to return to psych ward. I'm out of life. No dream, no wedding, no girlfriend / wife. No job, povertry eternal (FUCK CAPITALISM) Soon or later I'll die and I decided to do this day. Perhaps I'll hang myself in my own room in the middle of the night (2 or 3 am) when my aunt is sleeping.
I know people here defend recovery, but supposedly this is a pro choice principle forum so I decided to go.
I don't fear death. I don't fear hell. I fear to be a disabled person all the rest of my days, waiting for a so-called "Natural causes" of death, whatever be cancer, tuberculosis, stroke or whatever. I'm tired to failing. I'm tired not to be trrusted and being an slave of pills and the fucking psychiatry. I don't have any goals left
Whatever will be my fate, if I succeded to suicide or being hospitalized again, mods can close my account.
Bye.
PS: If you can put a bomb or at least throw a good rotten tomatoes into 89 Rue des Sablières, Bordeaux hospital I'll appreciate it.
Christian believers said, at the moment of baptism, "I died to the world and live to Christ", well, in my case, in the previous second I start hanging I'll say "I die for the world, I live to the void"
I promise myself to die until 26 april but since the current despairing circumstances who family is threatening me to hospitalize me again in the psychiatric ward, the delusions being more intense and a extreme hopelessness about my future, I'm planning to run away as soon as I can from home and finding a place in the night to hang myself.
Things escalated quickly and I'm beyond repair. That fucking 89 Rue des Sablières Hospital made more damage than helping. And it's about 2 years since my first attempt and since I joined this forum in order to put in order my life, only to succumb to minor felonies and drug abuse, and failing again to be an adult.
I'm in 3 duloxetines right now because I was so agitated that I was tempted to use a knife against me or my family and I'm in a severe vigilance. I'm in a two story apartment so I guess I can escape from the balcony or something.
I don't want to return to psych ward. I'm out of life. No dream, no wedding, no girlfriend / wife. No job, povertry eternal (FUCK CAPITALISM) Soon or later I'll die and I decided to do this day. Perhaps I'll hang myself in my own room in the middle of the night (2 or 3 am) when my aunt is sleeping.
I know people here defend recovery, but supposedly this is a pro choice principle forum so I decided to go.
I don't fear death. I don't fear hell. I fear to be a disabled person all the rest of my days, waiting for a so-called "Natural causes" of death, whatever be cancer, tuberculosis, stroke or whatever. I'm tired to failing. I'm tired not to be trrusted and being an slave of pills and the fucking psychiatry. I don't have any goals left
Whatever will be my fate, if I succeded to suicide or being hospitalized again, mods can close my account.
Bye.
PS: If you can put a bomb or at least throw a good rotten tomatoes into 89 Rue des Sablières, Bordeaux hospital I'll appreciate it.
