owarikigan
Member
- Sep 19, 2025
- 24
starting around 8 years old something traumatizing happened (miniscule in reality, but weighed heavy on me) and i found myself at the end of a school day crying in front of everyone loudly proclaiming that i should die and don't deserve to live etc etc. embarrassing myself in the process. naturally i just got weird looks and one of the teachers told my mom to which she just got extremely pissed off at me and told me not to say anything like it ever again ; akin to her reaction to me straight up telling her i was depressed without knowing what it meant, "don't repeat that word at school".
five years later in middle school was my lowest point, i had an outwardly edgy phase and found comfort in drawing violent vent artworks. one day she found one of them, somehow outside of my room, telling me "it looked like a girl hanging" it very obviously was. i just said "it's fine" something akin to that and she didnt say anything else.
just a few months ago i forgot to leave my room without a long sleeve and she grabbed my arm and pointed at a raised self harm scar asking what it was. obviously i panicked until she said "did you burn yourself" i was just like sure man lets go with that. "yeah i guess i dunno."
i just can't imagine being this tone deaf though i'm not surprised. both parents can't accept that they have a disabled, abused and neglected offspring that they had utterly failed and don't want to waste the resources getting me any help so they're fine throwing me out there with nothing expecting me to function like the other cogs. i've just been rotting in the same prison of a bedroom for 6 years and i don't know what i'm going to do or what i've been doing, all i know is i feel like i'm just on a countdown til i die
five years later in middle school was my lowest point, i had an outwardly edgy phase and found comfort in drawing violent vent artworks. one day she found one of them, somehow outside of my room, telling me "it looked like a girl hanging" it very obviously was. i just said "it's fine" something akin to that and she didnt say anything else.
just a few months ago i forgot to leave my room without a long sleeve and she grabbed my arm and pointed at a raised self harm scar asking what it was. obviously i panicked until she said "did you burn yourself" i was just like sure man lets go with that. "yeah i guess i dunno."
i just can't imagine being this tone deaf though i'm not surprised. both parents can't accept that they have a disabled, abused and neglected offspring that they had utterly failed and don't want to waste the resources getting me any help so they're fine throwing me out there with nothing expecting me to function like the other cogs. i've just been rotting in the same prison of a bedroom for 6 years and i don't know what i'm going to do or what i've been doing, all i know is i feel like i'm just on a countdown til i die
