AWeepingWidower
Member
- May 16, 2024
- 23
Apologies,
I'm unsure yet if I will or not CTB but I will say that it is constantly on my mind since May 8th. To preface, I'm 33 as of May 9th and my Fiancé was killed in a car crash on the 8th. One day before my birthday. I've struggled with BPD and Clinical Depression almost my entire life. My Family has dwindled down to almost being non-existent. All that's really left is a handful of "direct family" and side family members. My father being the only prominent figure I don't want to disappoint or hurt. I've spent most of my life fighting the good fight and I thought I was rewarded when I met my significant other. They where my world. My guiding light. My reason and my purpose, and without them, I am lost in a way I've never experienced. I will not go into a sob story to try to make sense to people of how much they meant to me. Just understand I take things very literally and I say this with confidence that they where my entire world. I am back to being truly alone with it only being a week and my "support group" has checked in for two days since. I'm still deciding but I am very heavily leaning in towards CTB and being done with everything. The dead end job, the rat race. Everything. I wish to go where they are more than anything in the world. So I'm trying to learn how to do so in a way that will not traumatize those who discover me. I hope everyone respects my decisions I make and I hope everyone finds peace no matter what form that takes.
I'm unsure yet if I will or not CTB but I will say that it is constantly on my mind since May 8th. To preface, I'm 33 as of May 9th and my Fiancé was killed in a car crash on the 8th. One day before my birthday. I've struggled with BPD and Clinical Depression almost my entire life. My Family has dwindled down to almost being non-existent. All that's really left is a handful of "direct family" and side family members. My father being the only prominent figure I don't want to disappoint or hurt. I've spent most of my life fighting the good fight and I thought I was rewarded when I met my significant other. They where my world. My guiding light. My reason and my purpose, and without them, I am lost in a way I've never experienced. I will not go into a sob story to try to make sense to people of how much they meant to me. Just understand I take things very literally and I say this with confidence that they where my entire world. I am back to being truly alone with it only being a week and my "support group" has checked in for two days since. I'm still deciding but I am very heavily leaning in towards CTB and being done with everything. The dead end job, the rat race. Everything. I wish to go where they are more than anything in the world. So I'm trying to learn how to do so in a way that will not traumatize those who discover me. I hope everyone respects my decisions I make and I hope everyone finds peace no matter what form that takes.
