ImNotReal
Don't wake me up
- Jan 18, 2025
- 224
I just haven't really told anyone anything about this and really really wanna "get it out there" idk. This'll be a huge vent probably lmao.
I was abused pretty heavily as a child and I just wanna like detail it. From what I remember anyways lol
Uhhh I was hit alot. Almost every day from when I was a young child (about 6 or 7 I guess) until I was about 13. Mom has BPD and liked to take it out on me I remember like vivid memories of being scared to come home with like a C on a paper because I knew she'd just scream and wail on me for a half an hour. I don't think I was like happy as a kid? I remember cutting myself but it was never like anything bad.
Her way of "scolding" me was to hurl insults at me. I remember being called fat, stupid, a fuck up, a mistake. All kinds of things. I remember a few times, she would get herself worked up over something. And she's screaming at me or whatever and then she told me that "I'm going to kill her one day". Like she would scream at me that one day she'll just have a heart attack and it'd be my fault for getting her worked up. I think that fear did something to me when I was like 12 lol.
I kinda remember when she hit me with her hand. But she stopped doing that when I was pretty young. At some point she told me "I'm tired of hurting myself on you" and switched to stuff like wooden rulers. Cooking spoons. (Which she eventually moved on to metal kitchen tools because the wooden ones kept breaking over me and it just made her more mad lmao). All kindsa stuff.
My friend in like freshman year killed himself. Crashed his car right on purpose to die and the day that happened. I was real depressed and my mom turned it into a lesson about always wearing my seatbelt and how "he'd probably be alive if he just wore his" she told me. I was like 14 and devastated by this at the time lol.
Dad was just emotionally distant because he was the one with a job lol. Most of my abuse is from my mom I guess. Way later in my life. She actually apologized to me. It was half assed in my opinion and I never accepted it. She actually then told me I have to "get over" my abuse because she said sorry. Crazy shit lmao
Dude one time I was cutting and a teacher caught it and I was sent to the front office to talk to a counselor. I remember breaking down and telling her everythingggg about my mom. She then called her and she took me home and I never spoke to her again. Mom took me home and I came up with some stupid lie about how I was just fucking around with friends and that's where the cutd came from because if I told her the truth she'd just hit me. To this day she still tries joking around with me about how I "cut" as a kid and got her in trouble.
It was just daily constant beatings and screamings. Telling me she'd like to give me away or stupid fake phone calls to CPS to scare me. She used to do this thing where she'd ask me questions she knows I can't answer. Like just "why did you fail your test!" Type shit. And then would keep repeating the question, louder and angrier until she just gave up and beat me more lmao
The effects of all this has basically turned me into a scared shell. I can't experience emotion anymore. I'm constantly just scared or angry or I feel like I'm going fucking insane I want to just forget whatever else happened to me the first 14 years of my life
I don't even have a point to this post I really just wanted to post somewhere about whatever bullshit this is lmao
I was abused pretty heavily as a child and I just wanna like detail it. From what I remember anyways lol
Uhhh I was hit alot. Almost every day from when I was a young child (about 6 or 7 I guess) until I was about 13. Mom has BPD and liked to take it out on me I remember like vivid memories of being scared to come home with like a C on a paper because I knew she'd just scream and wail on me for a half an hour. I don't think I was like happy as a kid? I remember cutting myself but it was never like anything bad.
Her way of "scolding" me was to hurl insults at me. I remember being called fat, stupid, a fuck up, a mistake. All kinds of things. I remember a few times, she would get herself worked up over something. And she's screaming at me or whatever and then she told me that "I'm going to kill her one day". Like she would scream at me that one day she'll just have a heart attack and it'd be my fault for getting her worked up. I think that fear did something to me when I was like 12 lol.
I kinda remember when she hit me with her hand. But she stopped doing that when I was pretty young. At some point she told me "I'm tired of hurting myself on you" and switched to stuff like wooden rulers. Cooking spoons. (Which she eventually moved on to metal kitchen tools because the wooden ones kept breaking over me and it just made her more mad lmao). All kindsa stuff.
My friend in like freshman year killed himself. Crashed his car right on purpose to die and the day that happened. I was real depressed and my mom turned it into a lesson about always wearing my seatbelt and how "he'd probably be alive if he just wore his" she told me. I was like 14 and devastated by this at the time lol.
Dad was just emotionally distant because he was the one with a job lol. Most of my abuse is from my mom I guess. Way later in my life. She actually apologized to me. It was half assed in my opinion and I never accepted it. She actually then told me I have to "get over" my abuse because she said sorry. Crazy shit lmao
Dude one time I was cutting and a teacher caught it and I was sent to the front office to talk to a counselor. I remember breaking down and telling her everythingggg about my mom. She then called her and she took me home and I never spoke to her again. Mom took me home and I came up with some stupid lie about how I was just fucking around with friends and that's where the cutd came from because if I told her the truth she'd just hit me. To this day she still tries joking around with me about how I "cut" as a kid and got her in trouble.
It was just daily constant beatings and screamings. Telling me she'd like to give me away or stupid fake phone calls to CPS to scare me. She used to do this thing where she'd ask me questions she knows I can't answer. Like just "why did you fail your test!" Type shit. And then would keep repeating the question, louder and angrier until she just gave up and beat me more lmao
The effects of all this has basically turned me into a scared shell. I can't experience emotion anymore. I'm constantly just scared or angry or I feel like I'm going fucking insane I want to just forget whatever else happened to me the first 14 years of my life
I don't even have a point to this post I really just wanted to post somewhere about whatever bullshit this is lmao
