He was 31. I made two attempts last year but was found both times. I know the mistakes I made and won't repeat them. I have my method sorted, I just need to find a suitable place. I don't want the person who finds me to be really shocked and horrified. I want to look like I'm asleep. I have wanted to die for many many years, having depression which gives me constant self loathing. I have stayed around for my son, apart from last year. Now he's gone, I feel that I can complete the task. I am so so very unhappy and the guilt I feel having failed my son. People say that I haven't but I beg to differ. I just wanted to say all this as I can't tell anyone of my plan.
Ashu
novelist, sanskritist, Canadian living in India
- Nov 13, 2021
- 720
I don't know what happened, but listen to your friends. Human fates are infinitely complex, and no one is entirely responsible for what another does.
I'm so sorry for what you are going through, it must have been so difficult to lose your son….. I can't and I won't stop you from completing ctb as you kind seem set on it. What method are you going to use if you don't mind me asking ?!
I'm truly sorry for your loss of your son. You shouldn't feel that you have failed him, I have no doubt that you did everything you could for him. Please don't beat yourself up for what has happened.
I'm so sorry your son exited this world and I do not know what happend in his life and whether you would have been able to save him. It's truly an unbearable pain for parents to lose their children. I'm sure you did everything to help your son out of his misery but sometimes there are no other solutions any more to end agony an sufferings. Unfortunately this is a hellish world out there.
What is your method of choice?
In regards to your wish that you want to look like you're asleep after CTB there's only the CO Method available (using charcoal is common). But this method needs to be very well prepared and could be dangerous for others, you'd have to put this in mind when planning.
What is your method of choice?
In regards to your wish that you want to look like you're asleep after CTB there's only the CO Method available (using charcoal is common). But this method needs to be very well prepared and could be dangerous for others, you'd have to put this in mind when planning.
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FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 38,857
At least your son is now unable to suffer. But anyway I wish you the best with your plans and I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for.
dandan
One more attempt on life.
- Feb 18, 2019
- 1,298
I'm a son too, and I do feel sorry for my mom and brother, sorry. Poor mom, we both made bad decisions.
LadyOfLight
Member
- Jul 16, 2023
- 17
I feel your loss, and please know that you don't have to hold yourself responsible for your son's decision, he was an adult and he decided for himself, no one is responsible for it. But I would suggest to wait a little since your son has left not long ago, you are still grieving too much and you might take decisions that you wouldn't have otherwise, I'm not necessarily referring to suicide, that is purely your decision and I respect that, since I respect everybody's right for autonomy. But maybe other decisions: letters, finances, loved ones and how to address them in this situation, planned activities et cetera
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You didn't fail him. Society failed him. Nature failed him. But you didn't. You were there for him until the end and that's all that matters. I hope my parents can do that much. He's in a better place now. He never had to experience life without you. That means a great deal. Think how big that is! Most people have to lose both parents before they die, but he didn't. He's one of the lucky ones.
Konnsz
At the very end, you can only trust yourself.
- Jan 2, 2023
- 78
FadingDawn
Experienced
- Jul 18, 2023
- 262
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