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Cherry Crumpet

Cherry Crumpet

Hiraeth
May 7, 2018
243
I'm back here again. Hi again. I guess I can never really leave this place. The person I was with for two years just ended it. I'm too old. I'll never have a family, or someone that loves me.

I'm just done. I'm done.

I'm ready.

It's time to go.
 
W

whywere

Visionary
Jun 26, 2020
2,492
I feel so sorry for you and hope you take some time just for yourself and relax and let all of us help you with all of our love and empathy. I will have you in my prayers, general prayers, no organized religion type of prayers. Please take great care of yourself. :heart::hug:
 
restforeternity

restforeternity

Student
Feb 17, 2019
170
I'm almost 37, and I think I'm hanging on to false hopes. It's difficult to find a truly genuine person to connect with these days. I'm tired too. Hookup culture is fucking disheartening. I am widowed and I badly wanted to follow until family intervened. No one will ever replace the love that I have felt with my husband. Everyone tells me that I'll find someone. I opened up to the idea and now I regret meeting new people and I hate myself for it.
 
OpheliasFlowers

OpheliasFlowers

Specialist
Apr 2, 2019
348
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I understand how painful it is, and the feeling of being too tired to even try find another relationship. I've been there.

I am 52 and still hope that one day I'll find the person I truly connect with (if I don't ctb first) but like restforeternity said, it's hard to find these days. Everything, including relationships, seems to have become so disposable and replaceable (not everyone thinks this way but it seems a lot of people do). But please know you aren't too old to find another love, to have an entirely new life awaiting you out there...even though that idea probably seems ludicrous to you at this moment.

There is a singer/songwriter named Daniel Johnston. He suffered from many mental illnesses and was not the most talented singer but his lyrics are relatable and he is raw and real and because of his struggles, his music reflects that and while many don't appreciate him I do and especially this song (in case anyone is interested, there is a documentary about him called "The Devil and Daniel Johnston", which was how I stumbled upon discovering him). Maybe this little song will bring you some comfort. I truly do understand how painful and awful it is to have a long term relationship end and to feel like you are right now. Sending you a hug.

 
OhSoSinful

OhSoSinful

Member
Nov 18, 2020
14
Going through this as well.. please feel free to reach out.. much love for our broken hearts and tired minds ♡
 
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throwaway123

throwaway123

Hell0
Aug 5, 2018
1,446
I know what you mean. I can't really leave this place either. It was a couple of years ago that I became irreparably broken. I don't even do anything anymore. I just go trough the days numb and then depressed and miserable. I was planning on waiting to prepare a good method but I don't think I can any longer.
 
YellowSneakers

YellowSneakers

Member
Aug 2, 2020
39
Last year my relationship of 6 years was ending at the same time I was being diagnosed with a progressive neurological condition. I'm still in a state of shock a year later. The duel pain of a crippling illness & the loss of my partner is too much to deal with.
I can understand your pain & I'm sorry you're going through this.
The immediate jolt of separation dysregulates emotions. Give yourself some time. See if you can gain some perspective. Evaluate with some distance from the immediate pain of the break-up.
 
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I’vehadenough

I’vehadenough

Elementalist
Sep 15, 2018
847
Are you really gonna end your life over a breakup? Really? We've all been through them and I didn't find love until I turned 39.
It sounds like you invested way too much of yourself into this person that you have lost your own identity and self-worth. Work on positive ways to find and improve yourself, whether it's working out or taking classes. Don't throw it all away over a stupid fucking guy
 
S

Symbiote

Global Mod
Oct 12, 2020
3,102
36 here and my connection to my SO died in the honeymoon phase, 3 years ago. Hoping to get out of this toxic mess in 2021. I also have the same issues, can't have a family, kids, etc.
 
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Cherry Crumpet

Cherry Crumpet

Hiraeth
May 7, 2018
243
Are you really gonna end your life over a breakup? Really? We've all been through them and I didn't find love until I turned 39.
It sounds like you invested way too much of yourself into this person that you have lost your own identity and self-worth. Work on positive ways to find and improve yourself, whether it's working out or taking classes. Don't throw it all away over a stupid fucking guy

I wouldn't - not over just him. Not over some stupid guy. It was the first break up I had. The first real relationship I had. He was the first and only person in my 36 years I ever had romantic attraction towards. We regularly talked about moving in together. I thought we were going to get married. He was the first and only person I've ever loved.

I felt like I had nothing left when i wrote that yesterday. i still do at times.. my mood swings. I already have really low self worth. I've been trying to get better. This was just. It was a really really hard blow. It's so hard to try and work on yourself when you feel like a worthless person. It's not just from him. It's been that feeling for years and years now. Feeling worthless. But sometimes I feel I'm not worthless. I don't know. My mind is a pendulum.
 
S

Symbiote

Global Mod
Oct 12, 2020
3,102
I wouldn't - not over just him. Not over some stupid guy. It was the first break up I had. The first real relationship I had. He was the first and only person in my 36 years I ever had romantic attraction towards. We regularly talked about moving in together. I thought we were going to get married. He was the first and only person I've ever loved.

I felt like I had nothing left when i wrote that yesterday. i still do at times.. my mood swings. I already have really low self worth. I've been trying to get better. This was just. It was a really really hard blow. It's so hard to try and work on yourself when you feel like a worthless person. It's not just from him. It's been that feeling for years and years now. Feeling worthless. But sometimes I feel I'm not worthless. I don't know. My mind is a pendulum.

I can relate to that, it's really hard to work on yourself because all the drama and lack of affection from the SO just drains you. Luckily it's fleeting and the more time you have to yourself, no more toxicity, no more what ifs, and you start getting that control back in your life again where you decide where you go next, and not let someone else do it for you. That's when you start to heal. I stopped basing my self-worth from people's emotions or how they perceived me, instead just gauging what I do today, and do a little bit better the next day. Tiny little steps and the self-worth and confidence will ebb in over time. I'll definitely need it during my upcoming divorce from STBXW.
 
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