Discussion My SN has arrived & I'm terrified

[NotADrill]

So my SN from IC arrived yesterday, early as well. Things are getting real now, I'm just waiting on my diazepam and I'll be ordering another load once my two orders arrive (they are only 5mg rather than 10mg, so I need more to make up the difference for the right amount as per the PPH). Then it's just a mortar and pestle and measuring jug.

Does anyone else worry about the amount of SN, in how hard it'll be to stir into a clear liquid with such little water? As well as how many benzos are needed, I'm in my 30s, have never taken them and am 11st soaking wet. Does the number seem huge and risk cancelling out the SN etc? Maybe I'm just overthinking.

I feel so scared but the worst part of it is thinking of how it'll impact my family, my friends, my job etc. I really wish I could bypass hurting them. I also worry about the eternal question that none of us can answer; what happens next? Also, I just really hope that if I do this that it works. I'm following the most recent PPH in the stickies as close to the letter as possible and will have two backup glasses etc. Still, though, it's bloody scary. I know I can't carry on like this and I'll NEVER get any help from public services; my therapist (private) even blew the whistle on me to my GP surgery and, low and behold, I'm still walking around fine and dandy. Not that I wanted it to stop me but it's a perfect illustration of how even after 12 years of trying, I'll never get any real tangible help and there's just no-way that my family can help me. I love them but they just can't relate, They are so tied-up with their own drama and issues. It sucks but I think this is the only way. My only question now is "when"

 

[Huntfish34]

I can certainly relate and I'm sorry you are going through all of this. Sorry I don't really have any answers regarding the SN, Don't know much about it. But as for the diazepam... 1. 10mg pill should be enough regardless of your weight. Imo...

I wish you Nothing but the best, thoughts and prayers always-

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Well you don't have to do anything with it for the time being. It's fortunate that it can keep for quite some time. It's pretty unnerving but there doesn't seem to be any way around that besides directly confronting it head-on.

If treatment services were available, would you try to use them?

 

[Falseunderworld]

Its really worrying especially when It dissolves and you cant tell if you added enough

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Its really worrying especially when It dissolves and you cant tell if you added enough

Measure it out first using a scale.

 

[NotADrill]

Well you don't have to do anything with it for the time being. It's fortunate that it can keep for quite some time. It's pretty unnerving but there doesn't seem to be any way around that besides directly confronting it head-on.

If treatment services were available, would you try to use them?

Yeah, the UK system goes like this; You go to a GP and tell them how badly you're struggling. They fain concern, tell you that they're adding you to a "Waiting List" for therapy and give you the usual platitudes before prescribing some form of medication/poison that, like all of them, is designed to keep you sedated and going to work, paying bills and not disrupting anything etc. Whilst also giving you erectile dysfunction, supressed emotions, taking away your ability to cry or express them and actually make you a more low-key depressed than you were before. So you will always have to take them (it makes sense for the people making them to make them like this). Then you go back and you get put on a different medication; same shit. Then if you're REALLY lucky, you get referred for CBT (Completely Bullshit Therapy) which is six sessions of quasi-counselling. Six sessions is enough time to open up a wound and get you talking about it before being thrown back out with nothing except more gaping issues that were never given enough time to be addressed. And that's only if the therapist is decent. Then, you go back to the GP, they shrug their shoulders at you, give the number for Samaritans and offer to increase your meds.

Months go buy and you give up and if you go back, you'll see a different GP. You'll ask them about that "Waiting List" that you've apparently been on now for well over a year and they won't even know what you're talking about. Then the process starts over. Except the waiting time for the six useless sessions has now doubled and they might just not refer you and send you to some charity like "MIND" instead where someone not even qualified to do so, puts you on some wanky course for six sessions where the sort of person taking it is the sort of person that will tell you that you could easily just hang yourself if you really wanted to die (had that said to me by the last prick). Even this week, when my therapist that I've had to pay for privately because *read above* got in touch with her worries they STILL didn't do a thing. My sister is even worse than me and she's digging herself into an early grave along with my mother and they won't step in and get any long-term help for her when she's LITERALLY killing herself and getting nicked etc. It was at that point this week where I realised, I'm never going to get any real help. It's been over 12 years of the above and I'm done with it.

 

[Willthishelp?]

So my SN from IC arrived yesterday, early as well. Things are getting real now, I'm just waiting on my diazepam and I'll be ordering another load once my two orders arrive (they are only 5mg rather than 10mg, so I need more to make up the difference for the right amount as per the PPH). Then it's just a mortar and pestle and measuring jug.

Does anyone else worry about the amount of SN, in how hard it'll be to stir into a clear liquid with such little water? As well as how many benzos are needed, I'm in my 30s, have never taken them and am 11st soaking wet. Does the number seem huge and risk cancelling out the SN etc? Maybe I'm just overthinking.

I feel so scared but the worst part of it is thinking of how it'll impact my family, my friends, my job etc. I really wish I could bypass hurting them. I also worry about the eternal question that none of us can answer; what happens next? Also, I just really hope that if I do this that it works. I'm following the most recent PPH in the stickies as close to the letter as possible and will have two backup glasses etc. Still, though, it's bloody scary. I know I can't carry on like this and I'll NEVER get any help from public services; my therapist (private) even blew the whistle on me to my GP surgery and, low and behold, I'm still walking around fine and dandy. Not that I wanted it to stop me but it's a perfect illustration of how even after 12 years of trying, I'll never get any real tangible help and there's just no-way that my family can help me. I love them but they just can't relate, They are so tied-up with their own drama and issues. It sucks but I think this is the only way. My only question now is "when"

This is so normal, it's getting close and surreal.

I hope you find peace of mind.

I want to ask are you in Europe? I see often that people obtain SN from IC I don't have any options left. Tried all suppliers in the whole of EU. Well I can not do private messages yet so that won't help.. I am desperate ..

Sorry to break in on your post with my anxiety.

You will know when the time is right I am sure and than it is stil very unbelievably difficult cause it's so counter intuitive..

 

[NotADrill]

This is so normal, it's getting close and surreal.

I hope you find peace of mind.

I want to ask are you in Europe? I see often that people obtain SN from IC I don't have any options left. Tried all suppliers in the whole of EU. Well I can not do private messages yet so that won't help.. I am desperate ..

Sorry to break in on your post with my anxiety.

You will know when the time is right I am sure and than it is stil very unbelievably difficult cause it's so counter intuitive..

When you've posted enough times, PM me. I'll give you the name of the site then, but please only do so if you're absolutely sure. I'm not here to preach, I'm where I am now, but I don't want to give this info out willy-nilly if that makes sense.

 

[Willthishelp?]

Actually I don't know how to post.. I think something has changed on the mirror site but I never tried in the earlier one..

Actually I don't know how to post.. I think something has changed on the mirror site but I never tried in the earlier one..

@NotADrill might be I don't have all the functions and before I had private messaging going on with a moderator but that thread is gone since closing that site. Where would I find a way to post?? Or are responses also counted? Thank you y

 

[Willthishelp?]

@NotADrill I have send you few messages but I guess they are removed by moderators or so.. they are gone.. maybe you can send it to me?

 

[TapeMachine]

@Willthishelp? You don't have to post threads of your own in order to get your count up.. These comments/replies within the threads count toward the overall number as well, regardless of who started the thread.

Does that make sense? I always feel like I don't make much sense when trying to explain shit lol

 

[Willthishelp?]

Gh

@Willthishelp? You don't have to post threads of your own in order to get your count up.. These comments/replies within the threads count toward the overall number as well, regardless of who started the thread.

Does that make sense? I always feel like I don't make much sense when trying to explain shit

Gh

Thank you indeed I found it out by responding. I don't know how to post post. Now I can private message but they are removed

 

[TapeMachine]

I don't know how to post a post/thread either. Haha. I've been lurking and researching here for about a month, but I've only recently started interacting. :)

@Willthishelp? Who is removed? what do you mean?

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I don't know how to post a post/thread either. Haha. I've been lurking and researching here for about a month, but I've only recently started interacting. :)

@Willthishelp? Who is removed? what do you mean?

The button to create a new thread should be at the top.

 

[Willthishelp?]

When you've posted enough times, PM me. I'll give you the name of the site then, but please only do so if you're absolutely sure. I'm not here to preach, I'm where I am now, but I don't want to give this info out willy-nilly if that makes sense.

Could you please PM me? I am not able to send but am able to receive. Maybe could also be your settings?

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yeah, the UK system goes like this; You go to a GP and tell them how badly you're struggling. They fain concern, tell you that they're adding you to a "Waiting List" for therapy and give you the usual platitudes before prescribing some form of medication/poison that, like all of them, is designed to keep you sedated and going to work, paying bills and not disrupting anything etc. Whilst also giving you erectile dysfunction, supressed emotions, taking away your ability to cry or express them and actually make you a more low-key depressed than you were before. So you will always have to take them (it makes sense for the people making them to make them like this). Then you go back and you get put on a different medication; same shit. Then if you're REALLY lucky, you get referred for CBT (Completely Bullshit Therapy) which is six sessions of quasi-counselling. Six sessions is enough time to open up a wound and get you talking about it before being thrown back out with nothing except more gaping issues that were never given enough time to be addressed. And that's only if the therapist is decent. Then, you go back to the GP, they shrug their shoulders at you, give the number for Samaritans and offer to increase your meds.

Months go buy and you give up and if you go back, you'll see a different GP. You'll ask them about that "Waiting List" that you've apparently been on now for well over a year and they won't even know what you're talking about. Then the process starts over. Except the waiting time for the six useless sessions has now doubled and they might just not refer you and send you to some charity like "MIND" instead where someone not even qualified to do so, puts you on some wanky course for six sessions where the sort of person taking it is the sort of person that will tell you that you could easily just hang yourself if you really wanted to die (had that said to me by the last prick). Even this week, when my therapist that I've had to pay for privately because *read above* got in touch with her worries they STILL didn't do a thing. My sister is even worse than me and she's digging herself into an early grave along with my mother and they won't step in and get any long-term help for her when she's LITERALLY killing herself and getting nicked etc. It was at that point this week where I realised, I'm never going to get any real help. It's been over 12 years of the above and I'm done with it.

I'm so sorry. This sounds awful. I'm in the UK too. I only went to a few therapy sessions at uni. Honestly- they were pretty insightful but I felt too uncomfortable to carry on with them. I got prescribed one course of Fluoxetine (Prozac) from my GP. They didn't seem to do anything. Still- I was SO naive- I was actually expecting them to call me nearing the end of the course to make sure I was still alive! Lol. Obviously they didn't but I was genuinely shocked. I actually thought when you finally had the guts to disclose that you had thoughts of harming yourself (or others) from their questionairre- that they might actually check up on you now and again.

It just appals me that people who do actually seek help aren't really given it. That goes for physical illness too though to be honest.

I think the VERY worst of it is that the pro-lifers hold these services up as the solution for us. That you need only reach out and you'll get all the help you need. I'm sorry you've been so let down.

 

[angelofdeath1]

I wish I had a source

 

[TCotton]

I'm in the UK and that reads like my experience in the health service. I've been various pills from the doctors for most of my adult life and none of them work. I made a vow to never go to the doctors again for that reason.