Help My sister wants to CTB

[i wuv dwinkin water]

Hello everyone this is my first post on this forum so please be nice to me.

My sister life is not going well at all and she wants to hang herself & I am confident she will go through with it.
If she dies I'll be completely devastated, i love her so much and she is everything to me, even if we fight sometimes I still deeply care about her.
I don't know what to do really. I often have suicidal thoughts myself and im pretty sure i will ctb as well if she decides to do it.

Has anyone had a similar experience?
Feel free to ask questions if you are interested.
She is my younger sister if that matters.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

First of all welcome to the forum and secondly, I'm deeply sorry for what your sister is going through, I can't imagine being the position of having a sibling having active thoughts towards ctb, it's even more to worry about since you are struggling with ctb thoughts yourself, is there any chance that you've discussed your feelings about ctb with her?

 

[dreamingofrest]

This is a really hard spot to be in, I'm so sorry. My younger sibling is my favorite person, so I can't imagine how I would feel if I feared they had a plan to ctb. We've both struggled with mental health issues a lot so I do worry about that sometimes.
Does your sister know that you're also struggling with suicidal thoughts? Does anyone else know she's planning on this?
I hope things start looking up for you both <3

 

[hi-okbye]

welcome and I'm really sorry for what your going through.
I don't have siblings but I am suicidal and I can't imagine the pain you're going through with both your sister and yourself. I really do hope things get better, for both of you.

I'm not sure exactly what makes her want to ctb, but in the meantime, i think you should just show her love. Give her hugs, try not to argue as much, etc. just show her how much she's cared about. If you can maybe try to have a talk with her, just explaining how devastated you would be if she was gone. while it's not her job to keep you happy, and she doesn't necessarily have to live, at the end of the day it is her choice. It might just help her to truly see what her actions might cause, as well as the fact if just showing her she really is loved (if she feels she isn't. I know for me I have all the love in the world, but it doesn't change it).

much love to both of you.

 

[gotomrg]

talk to her and make her feel seen. share your own thoughts and struggles with her. choose recovery together.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Start with something simple, like just taking her out to eat or something. Younger sister is probably the worst kind of sibling you could hear this from. Wishing you luck with your situaton.

 

[i wuv dwinkin water]

First of all welcome to the forum and secondly, I'm deeply sorry for what your sister is going through, I can't imagine being the position of having a sibling having active thoughts towards ctb, it's even more to worry about since you are struggling with ctb thoughts yourself, is there any chance that you've discussed your feelings about ctb with her?

Thank you for your kind words, and i havent discussed my own feelings with her i tried to pretend ill be fine because i dont want to hurt her even more.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Thank you for your kind words, and i havent discussed my own feelings with her i tried to pretend ill be fine because i dont want to hurt her even more.

I suppose now that you are aware of her intentions to attempt to ctb and your fears that she may succeed, is there anything you could possibly do that would ease the situation of her thinking about it, let alone planning if she's gotten that far.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Welcome to the community! I'm sorry you have to go through this. Others already gave good advice but what really would be helpful is, to know, what makes your sister suicidal. What happened? What must change (circumstances, environment)? Unless this "trigger" is eliminated she might not change her mind bc for her there's no other way out. You can show empathy and try to workout a recovery plan together if that is possible. But don't tell her that dying isn't an option, this is counterproductive.

I wish you all the best and good luck!

 

[Deleted member 65988]

You can show empathy and try to workout a recovery plan together if that is possible.

Yeah this is would be the way to go about it for them both.

 

[lightnings]

what makes your sister suicidal. What happened? What must change (circumstances, environment)? Unless this "trigger" is eliminated she might not change her mind bc for her there's no other way out.

Yes maybe it depends on the circumstances or maybe she needs a recovery plan, or both

 

[i wuv dwinkin water]

Welcome to the community! I'm sorry you have to go through this. Others already gave good advice but what really would be helpful is, to know, what makes your sister suicidal. What happened? What must change (circumstances, environment)? Unless this "trigger" is eliminated she might not change her mind bc for her there's no other way out. You can show empathy and try to workout a recovery plan together if that is possible. But don't tell her that dying isn't an option, this is counterproductive.

I wish you all the best and good luck!

Someone really close to her left her life recently. And she has a series of mental illness she doesn't want to treat that make the situation much worse. Im worried she will do it soon.

 

[Angel of Spades]

Welcome welcome!

For your sister... sit with her, eat with her, talk with her, be with her. She needs your presence. Of course, we can't force anyone to live, but if you talk seriously with her about this, then maybe you both can pursue a road to recovery. I'm so sorry that you're hearing such devastating potential news from a younger sister, that's just so unfair (as life often is).

Is there maybe a way that you could talk to her about pursuing help together? I know that treatment isn't always the solution, and it won't work if she doesn't want it to work, but you could always bring up the option and speak with her about it as a possibility. This is a difficult and delicate situation, but I'm wishing you both the absolute best.

 

[FuneralCry]

If someone wants to die though, then that's their choice. None of us consented to being here in the first place and we aren't obligated to continue. For many people death is a relief as it means the end to their suffering, not everyone wants to suffer and that's a perfectly valid way to feel.

 

[Forever Sleep]

If someone wants to die though, then that's their choice. None of us consented to being here in the first place and we aren't obligated to continue. For many people death is a relief as it means the end to their suffering, not everyone wants to suffer and that's a perfectly valid way to feel.

I get the impression the OP is being incredibly sensitive to her sister. She isn't burdening her with the truth that she also has suicidal thoughts and may well act on them if her sister goes first- which plenty of people do. It doesn't sound as if she's going to get her sectioned or anything.

Nevertheless- it's only human to feel afraid of losing the ones we love. Sorry but your pro-death perspective does come across as insensitive sometimes towards people who are clearly deeply worried and suffering. I think it shows via her behaviour with her sister that she isn't some pro-life insensitive mannipulator. I think she's trying to respect her sisters feelings whilst also being afraid to lose her- which is understandable.

As to how to proceed though- that is difficult. Like other people have all said, I think all you can do is be there for her OP. Hopefully, you will find a way through this time together. I'm so sorry you're sister is in this dark place and I'm so sorry that you have this worry for her.

 

[i wuv dwinkin water]

Welcome welcome!

For your sister... sit with her, eat with her, talk with her, be with her. She needs your presence. Of course, we can't force anyone to live, but if you talk seriously with her about this, then maybe you both can pursue a road to recovery. I'm so sorry that you're hearing such devastating potential news from a younger sister, that's just so unfair (as life often is).

Is there maybe a way that you could talk to her about pursuing help together? I know that treatment isn't always the solution, and it won't work if she doesn't want it to work, but you could always bring up the option and speak with her about it as a possibility. This is a difficult and delicate situation, but I'm wishing you both the absolute best.

Thank you for your words,

She is very adamant about rejecting help especially any kind of therapy, even though she never even gave it a go. I really don't know a way i could convince change her mind :(

I get the impression the OP is being incredibly sensitive to her sister. She isn't burdening her with the truth that she also has suicidal thoughts and may well act on them if her sister goes first- which plenty of people do. It doesn't sound as if she's going to get her sectioned or anything.

Nevertheless- it's only human to feel afraid of losing the ones we love. Sorry but your pro-death perspective does come across as insensitive sometimes towards people who are clearly deeply worried and suffering. I think it shows via her behaviour with her sister that she isn't some pro-life insensitive mannipulator. I think she's trying to respect her sisters feelings whilst also being afraid to lose her- which is understandable.

As to how to proceed though- that is difficult. Like other people have all said, I think all you can do is be there for her OP. Hopefully, you will find a way through this time together. I'm so sorry you're sister is in this dark place and I'm so sorry that you have this worry for her.

You really understood me, i am not trying to manipulate her into living forcefully. I don't want that. I just wish she wouldn't be so hasty about it and tried to get help/let some time pass... She is a very emotional person so its hard for any good reasoning to get through. I love her with all my heart and i just want her to be happy again.

 

[kettlevinbarq]

I'm sure a lot of people are going to be like, well it's her choice. but if it were my sister, I wouldn't want her to ctb. it's hard to know what to do without knowing what your situation is but I would try to explore all other options first. ctb is a last resort and should be methodically planned out, not a rash decision. is she actually sure she wants to ctb? or is this a cry for help? flesh things out with her. are the reasons for her ctb resolvable?

If you were going to tell her about being suicidal or ask her about her suicidal ideation, I wouldn't frame it in a way where it seems like you would ctb because of her ctb. that would make her feel even worse. you could share that you've also been feeling that way first. don't ask her about her headspace yet because that could seem confrontational and push her away. elaborate on your thoughts and by showing her you understand where she's coming from and that you guys are in the same boat, that could help her open up. the beginning phases are to listen and empathize, not look for solutions because you want her to feel heard. trying to fix right away puts too much pressure on them. strengthen your bond because your love could help her hang on a little longer while you figure out a plan. cry together, hold each other, anything to make her feel less alone. the closer you guys are, the easier it is to stay in the loop so you're not blindsided. just don't do anything confrontational because it could push her over the edge.

and if she doesn't want therapy, then don't force her because she's not ready. try going out and doing fun things together. have a good time, make her remember how good life can be. a trip could be nice. doesn't have to be a full blown vacation. I don't know where you are or what you guys like to do but getting away from the place where all the bad thoughts are associated with could be an escape, a pause. getting away from responsibilities could be a huge weight lifted off shoulders.

I don't know what her love language is but little things like buying her favorite food, a small gift, sending memes, watching your fav movie, could pull her out of this blackhole. baby steps.

if you have fully fleshed everything out, and ctb is still her decision, then make as many good memories you can before she does.

 

[i wuv dwinkin water]

I'm sure a lot of people are going to be like, well it's her choice. but if it were my sister, I wouldn't want her to ctb. it's hard to know what to do without knowing what your situation is but I would try to explore all other options first. ctb is a last resort and should be methodically planned out, not a rash decision. is she actually sure she wants to ctb? or is this a cry for help? flesh things out with her. are the reasons for her ctb resolvable?

If you were going to tell her about being suicidal or ask her about her suicidal ideation, I wouldn't frame it in a way where it seems like you would ctb because of her ctb. that would make her feel even worse. you could share that you've also been feeling that way first. don't ask her about her headspace yet because that could seem confrontational and push her away. elaborate on your thoughts and by showing her you understand where she's coming from and that you guys are in the same boat, that could help her open up. the beginning phases are to listen and empathize, not look for solutions because you want her to feel heard. trying to fix right away puts too much pressure on them. strengthen your bond because your love could help her hang on a little longer while you figure out a plan. cry together, hold each other, anything to make her feel less alone. the closer you guys are, the easier it is to stay in the loop so you're not blindsided. just don't do anything confrontational because it could push her over the edge.

and if she doesn't want therapy, then don't force her because she's not ready. try going out and doing fun things together. have a good time, make her remember how good life can be. a trip could be nice. doesn't have to be a full blown vacation. I don't know where you are or what you guys like to do but getting away from the place where all the bad thoughts are associated with could be an escape, a pause. getting away from responsibilities could be a huge weight lifted off shoulders.

I don't know what her love language is but little things like buying her favorite food, a small gift, sending memes, watching your fav movie, could pull her out of this blackhole. baby steps.

if you have fully fleshed everything out, and ctb is still her decision, then make as many good memories you can before she does.

Im pretty sure she has decided, its been months and she seems more sure of it each day to a point where anyone telling her not to just encourages her further. I really like your advice when it comes to empathy i think thats the only thing i can realistically do. Other things you have mentioned sadly didn't work she is seriously depressed and little things don't make her happy, i know i've been there and it somehow reminded me more how shitty my situation was.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Im pretty sure she has decided, its been months and she seems more sure of it each day to a point where anyone telling her not to just encourages her further

I'm truly sorry that it's come to this point. I'd hate to lose a sibling in this fashion even if I know it's their choice. I'm at a loss for what to do.

 

[hi-okbye]

Im pretty sure she has decided, its been months and she seems more sure of it each day to a point where anyone telling her not to just encourages her further. I really like your advice when it comes to empathy i think thats the only thing i can realistically do. Other things you have mentioned sadly didn't work she is seriously depressed and little things don't make her happy, i know i've been there and it somehow reminded me more how shitty my situation was.

I'm sorry for what you're going through. It must be so hard to lose someone so close and not be able to do anything about it even when you feel like you should be able to do something about it.
So many hugs to you your a brave person <333

 

[i wuv dwinkin water]

Thanks everyone for the kind words, I'll update this thread if anything new happens or changes

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Thanks everyone for the kind words, I'll update this thread if anything new happens or changes

Yeah please do.