puella
she/they
- Oct 5, 2023
- 320
I had opened up a little to my roommate about my suicidal ideation the past few months. To my surprise, she was actually very understanding. I told her about my plan B: to CTB if nothing else worked. She has been supportive and helpful to talk to. She even bought me first aid supplies so I could cut safely.
But today I suggested moving back to my hometown. I've been overwhelmed, and I'm not finding the medical (mental health and gender affirming care) help I was hoping for here. She got incredibly angry with me after this.
She knows I have a method to CTB in my hometown. So she made a call, and the police showed up to do a wellness check on me. I was upset—I felt stupid for telling her too much—but I understood her concern. I talked to the officers and did not get put in a psychiatric hold.
But she was still upset at me. She said I didn't have her permission to go to my hometown. She told me I was being selfish and not thinking about how bad she would feel. And then she told me that, if I left her, she would rather have me kill myself than recover on my own and ruin our friendship.
Now I feel even more strongly about needing to leave. Not just because I'm giving up on there being resources here to help me, but because I don't know if I trust her anymore.
What do you think? I know it must be very stressful to have a friend talk to you about a subject like suicide. Are these reasonable actions to take for someone under a lot of stress, or should I be worried?
But today I suggested moving back to my hometown. I've been overwhelmed, and I'm not finding the medical (mental health and gender affirming care) help I was hoping for here. She got incredibly angry with me after this.
She knows I have a method to CTB in my hometown. So she made a call, and the police showed up to do a wellness check on me. I was upset—I felt stupid for telling her too much—but I understood her concern. I talked to the officers and did not get put in a psychiatric hold.
But she was still upset at me. She said I didn't have her permission to go to my hometown. She told me I was being selfish and not thinking about how bad she would feel. And then she told me that, if I left her, she would rather have me kill myself than recover on my own and ruin our friendship.
Now I feel even more strongly about needing to leave. Not just because I'm giving up on there being resources here to help me, but because I don't know if I trust her anymore.
What do you think? I know it must be very stressful to have a friend talk to you about a subject like suicide. Are these reasonable actions to take for someone under a lot of stress, or should I be worried?