Venting My relationship makes me want to ctb

[Boudika]

I can't just tell that to my boyfriend. I would be the toxic one, the one threatning to kill myself. But I'm so tired. It's always the same. I need to beg him to spend time with me, I know nothing about his life anymore. I don't understand why he lost his interest in me. I tried to be good, I did things for him even when he knew I was uncomfortable. I came back to him even after he broke up with me on the day of my grandma's funeral bc he had a panic attack. I tried to make everything work, communicated with him. I didn't whine I just did it. Why i can't be loved. I just want to be loved, I want to be someone first choice.

I'm tempted to just order SN. I know where i should order it from, it's really cheap here and I'm living alone. I can just kill myself. I will just quietly pass away, not being a burden to anyone. Maybe in next life I will deserve love.

 

[StupidCat]

Just end the relationship?

 

[ObsidianEnigma]

Tough decision. You could spend more time and energy on a boyfriend who isn't that interested in you, or you could spend that time and energy looking for somebody else.

Perhaps you could just stay in the relationship for a while, but don't bother being the one trying to make it work. Use your time and energy to look for somebody else. This could have two effects: 1) Your boyfriend might actually become more active and start trying to maintain the relationship, or 2) You might find somebody else.

 

[enjoytheride]

I agree with the answers above. I had to learn the hard way that there is an ocean out there, full of fish. It's a tremendous shift in perspective and a relief to understand that nobody is truly special a priori (I mean, when it comes to dating). So whatever one has come to feel for a certain person in a romantic relationship, is perfectly reproducible even to a better degree with a person they do not yet know but is out there. The halo effect makes us think our partners are the best, but in truth there are better people.

A teacher of ours used to say: "The one who is in love sees the beauty, but doesn't see the beast.". Maybe it's time for you to dispel the beauty and move on. You owe it to you. Life is yours to be lived, not to be wasted with a person who doesn't value you the same way you value them.

 

[Lost Impact]

sometimes people lose interest no matter how much effort you feel you've put into it. people get tired of other people. you can be the most perfect person in the relationship but feelings will always change. it's just how humans are. sometimes we just can't and won't be someone's #1. if he's lost interest and you're feeling this deep pain over it, you may have to confront him about it and break things off. easier said than done. a lot of us have been there and probably still are. don't stay with someone who makes you feel bad just so you don't feel alone. it brings more loneliness.

also, you don't have to find someone else. at least not right now anyway. i've always been in the camp that you never need to truly "love again" just because it's what's expected of people. only do it when the time feels right.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Imo it's a toxic relationship and you should end it asap.

I don't understand why he lost his interest in me.

How old r u? We usually try out relationships throughout the years - the relationships that last "forever" are as rare as winning the lottery jackpot.

You should not kys over a broken relationship.

 

[SchizoPolyGymnast]

End the relationship.

 

[Linda]

I can't just tell that to my boyfriend. I would be the toxic one, the one threatning to kill myself. But I'm so tired. It's always the same. I need to beg him to spend time with me, I know nothing about his life anymore. I don't understand why he lost his interest in me. I tried to be good, I did things for him even when he knew I was uncomfortable. I came back to him even after he broke up with me on the day of my grandma's funeral bc he had a panic attack. I tried to make everything work, communicated with him. I didn't whine I just did it. Why i can't be loved. I just want to be loved, I want to be someone first choice.

I'm tempted to just order SN. I know where i should order it from, it's really cheap here and I'm living alone. I can just kill myself. I will just quietly pass away, not being a burden to anyone. Maybe in next life I will deserve love.

A better solution than catching the bus would be to dump your boyfriend and find someone else. When it's clear that a relationship is not working, and is not likely to work, the sooner you bail out the better.

 

[TBONTB]

I can't just tell that to my boyfriend. I would be the toxic one, the one threatning to kill myself. But I'm so tired. It's always the same. I need to beg him to spend time with me, I know nothing about his life anymore. I don't understand why he lost his interest in me. I tried to be good, I did things for him even when he knew I was uncomfortable. I came back to him even after he broke up with me on the day of my grandma's funeral bc he had a panic attack. I tried to make everything work, communicated with him. I didn't whine I just did it. Why i can't be loved. I just want to be loved, I want to be someone first choice.

I'm tempted to just order SN. I know where i should order it from, it's really cheap here and I'm living alone. I can just kill myself. I will just quietly pass away, not being a burden to anyone. Maybe in next life I will deserve

You have options before you CTB, IMO. It's obvious this relationship doesn't work for you. (And maybe home). What would it take for you to end it?

i honestly don't think this relationship is enough to mean you need to CTB. At least try the breakup first

It's a lot to go through a breakup, but not more than you are doing now. I'll bet you are strong enough. Be well!

 

[Wolf Girl]

He's probably cheating on you, friend. That's usually the case when someone loses interest like that.

D U M P H I M

 

[capi]

As someone who is in a similar situation i get it.
People like us always know theres an option to leave. We know. We aren't stupid.

I don't know your specific reason, but theres always something holding us back.
I could never leave due to fear of everyone taking his side and abusing me.
No one believing me. No one understanding me. That what made me throw up almost every night.
And he made me feel like that everyday too. It only festered me, gaslighted me, incapable and fearful of my own thinking.
Thats not something you can just choose not to fall into.

I had to wait for my situation, the opportunity to escape.

look for your situation. What conditions would allow you to leave?
For me, it meant having to be away from every person who knew him. I had to change jobs, move to a new apartment. But that only came from me looking for that opportunity, making a new job application, looking for cheap appts.

Also, you dont have to be the bigger person.
You dont have to text or call or be in person to break up. If it means your survival, you can ghost him, or any other means thats holding you back.
You are trying to survive. Dont ever be guilty about that.
Its not your fault.

 

[AuraByte]

End the relationship, not your life.

 

[stoiccactus]

This guy sounds like a fucking loser, you should leave his ass, keep your life. Given his detachment already, sounds like you'd be doing him a favor anyway.