Venting My parents truly love me, and that’s the worst part

[lavenderlilylies]

A part of growing up for me was realizing that my parents loved me the only way they knew how. But it kinda stings more, to know that they tried their best, but they were uneducated and very hurt themselves.

It's more so apparent with my mother, since she's the more involved parent and the one i can say i have a relationship with (my dad was always emotionally absent ig). I don't remember most of the hitting, so i won't talk about that. But i do remember that she was extremely mean to me growing up. She made me feel like a thing.

Now i know she actually viewed children as things, not people. But she's capable of reflection. When i tell her you hurt me, she listens, shows signs of regret. When i tell her to please, break the cycle and at least stop hitting my younger brothers, she tries. Sometimes she gets fed up, says she had changed, and to stop bringing it back up. But i hurts still. When i look at her I just feel disappointed and enraged.

 

[TBONTB]

This is very sad. I'm sorry.

 

[Manaaja]

Two horny lust-filled heterosexuals had sex without a condom, and then hit and abused the results.
You: They truly must love us and try their best.

You are allowed to have standards, and judge parents the way you judge everyone else. I mean anyone could have raised you and raised you better. I could have adopted you and raised you better. It's not a big job to raise someone.

 

[lavenderlilylies]

Two horny lust-filled heterosexuals had sex without a condom, and then hit and abused the results.
You: They truly must love us and try their best.

You are allowed to have standards, and judge parents the way you judge everyone else. I mean anyone could have raised you and raised you better. I could have adopted you and raised you better. It's not a big job to raise someone.

That's harsh, but I know where you're coming from.
I do judge my parents. I'm angry at them for conceiving me then treating me like a bad consequence. But there is nuance to it. I'm not absolving them of blame. But I know my mom's story. I'm confident that she does love her children and could've done better if she knew better. That is not me saying I forgive her, and she knows I don't. It's just something I'm processing.

Also, I know you're speaking generally. But I want to note my mom has something that prevents sexual pleasure, I doubt that woman ever had an orgasm. It makes it even worse. I'm stuck here and she probably didn't even enjoy making me lol.