I'm really sorry you're feeling this way, but its good you're opening up about it, even if its on this forum. you still are. It sounds like you're going through a tough time and it's okay to feel frustrated, but it's also important to be kind to yourself. You shouldnt feel shame because life is life and shit happens. Mistakes happen, and what matters now is how you handle the situation moving forward. Maybe you could have a calm conversation with your mom when things settle down, and take responsibility for your actions in a way that shows you're committed to repairing things. It's also okay to take a moment for yourself to reflect and breathe. You're not alone, there are people on here that im sure would love to have a random conversation to enlighten both of your days and there's always a way to move forward from tough situations like this.