My ocd is killing me

[bl33ding_heart]

My ocd is making my life so difficult. Usually my posts are about my bpd, but my ocd has been severely affecting my life recently. So I'm talking about it here for once. My intrusive thoughts keep on convincing me I'm a horrible person. They keep on telling me that I'm selfish, and narcissistic, and I don't care about others. I don't think any of that is true, at least as far as I'm aware. But no matter what I and anyone around me objectively knows about me these thoughts pervade. And it hurts so much. I care about being a good person a lot, I don't wanna be a poison to the people around me. I'm scared of hurting others because I delude myself into thinking these thoughts are real. Even if I logically know that I have ocd and it's my mental illness causing this, not actual rationality. These thoughts won't stop torturing me.

 

[TheBag]

Have you considered targeted medication like Anafranil or Lexapro?

 

[bl33ding_heart]

Have you considered targeted medication like Anafranil or Lexapro?

I've never tried any medication before

 

[rxcha]

My ocd is making my life so difficult. Usually my posts are about my bpd, but my ocd has been severely affecting my life recently. So I'm talking about it here for once. My intrusive thoughts keep on convincing me I'm a horrible person. They keep on telling me that I'm selfish, and narcissistic, and I don't care about others. I don't think any of that is true, at least as far as I'm aware. But no matter what I and anyone around me objectively knows about me these thoughts pervade. And it hurts so much. I care about being a good person a lot, I don't wanna be a poison to the people around me. I'm scared of hurting others because I delude myself into thinking these thoughts are real. Even if I logically know that I have ocd and it's my mental illness causing this, not actual rationality. These thoughts won't stop torturing me.

mannn does it get me too, i think lately it's gotten better for me but i think it's just cause im more depressed then angry nowadays. constant violent thoughts against people i didn't know or loved dearly. back when i could train i noticed contact sports helped me out a lot but everyone has different symptoms. i think knowing they're not yours and continuing to know that is what helps the most, the fact you care so much means you're an empathetic person and therefore these thoughts are not your own. take care and much love you're strong

 

[TheBag]

I've never tried any medication before

Both these medications will significantly reduce your symptoms (Anafranil probably the most). But... both of these medications come with significant side effects and potential risks (like PSSD with Lexapro).
Either way I wish you the best (I have very serious OCD myself).