Venting My nail in the coffin came today.

[SomedayorNexttime]

My mother lectured me today. She does this sometimes, and today she said something the solidified my will to die. Hearing her anger and disappointment kills me.

I don't know why, but the things she says affects me the most. I wish she had a better child than me. I'm tired of blaming myself and holing up in my room. I'm tired of blaming, period. She's completely right.

I hope I can find a way to CTB this year.

 

[Abyss Dweller]

I don't know how old you are but this sounds exactly like me and my dad when I was in school (elementary and then HS). Also a bit of college mixed in.

I know it's hard but whatever she is saying is not you and doesn't define you. You are a person who is loveable even if you don't feel like coming out of your room for a day or for a week or whatever.

 

[lawr]

I don't know why, but the things she says affects me the most.

Felt that. People insulting me rarely ever has an effect on me. But any comment from my mother sprinkled with even the slightest bit of judgement sends me into a spiral. Pretty weird how that works.

 

[kunikuzushi]

It's so sad that someone will bring someone into existence only to be angry at them. You didn't ask to be born. You're doing your best. You don't have to be a better child to her. You're already trying your best. Although I do understand that you just want to feel good enough. I'm really sorry you have to deal with this. I wish you peace.

 

[Signal]

Felt that. People insulting me rarely ever has an effect on me. But any comment from my mother sprinkled with even the slightest bit of judgement sends me into a spiral. Pretty weird how that works.

Yeah, same, I don't really care much about people in general, but my mother words have the power of making me feel like utter shit. Like op I still wish she had gotten a better child than me though.