Venting My mum once attempted because of me

[DepressedEgg]

When I was 13 my mum was having a hard day and complaining to me about how she wanted to just get on a bus and leave. I got annoyed at her and lashed out, saying something to the effect of, "If you want to leave so bad what's stopping you?" And I knew as soon as I said it I shouldn't have, especially cause at that time she relied on me a lot emotionally.
After that she went upstairs for a 'bath' but I knew what that really meant. I stood outside the bathroom as she ran the bath to attempt, and at one point I knocked to check on her and she said the same again, that she was just taking a bath. When she was done and realised she wasn't going anywhere, she came out of the bathroom to bandage up her wrists.

I've never stopped thinking about what if she'd succeeded. How would I face my siblings knowing I killed their mom. How could I make sure they were looked after. For a while I was upset about the whole thing, then I was mad at my mum, but now I'm just mad at myself for not having better self-control. It's been years and I still can't help thinking that the longer I live the more chance there is that I'll hurt someone and not be able to take it back.

 

[Aisley]

No kid should have to tip-toe around the eggshells of their parents' fragility or general head fuckery. I'm sorry you had to play mother when you were a child.

 

[MrDarkness]

That's awful, I'm sorry you had to go through that

 

[Forever Sleep]

I feel bad for your Mum but at the same time- she shouldn't have said that to you in the first place. She should have found another adult to confide that to. It's not fair putting so buch burden on a child. If she had succeeded- it wouldn't have been your fault. You couldn't be expected to be the emotional crutch for your Mum when you were still developing yourself. I'm sorry. This sounded so traumatic.