Quizzaci0us
Little Frog
- Apr 13, 2023
- 23
People always say "Oh, you'll want kids when you're older!"
No.
No I fucking won't.
Today, my neice spilled a bowl of cereal on the floor, and my mum just threw the rest of it down to add to the absolute filth that is our home. She's now on the verge of tears.
My sister is fucking delusional, and so are 99% of parents. Mine are in their fifties, so they're not bad. My mum has a lot of medical issues, including POTS, so she stays home and sits in a disgusting house all day. My dad has everything from anxiety to severe arthritis, and works his ass off every single day as a mechanic to not get paid shit. He's lost almost all feeling in his hands.
I'm adopted. My real mom got pregnant with me in prison, and is a diagnosed bipolar. She admitted to doing every single pill she could get her hands on, but never smoked anything while pregnant with me. I am now diagnosed with ASD, major depressive disorder, and generalized anxiety disorder, with three CTB attempts, two by hanging and one overdose. Nobody besides my closest friend (and some ppl on the internet) know that I tried to hang myself, or that I cut myself.
My sister is from my parents. She got in a car wreck that could've killed her (due to drunk driving), and I wish it did. She got married to a dude, and after "trying for a baby" for a long while, gave birth to my neice.
The overdose was one night when my neice wouldn't stop crying. She had been at my house being taken care of by my parents for what seemed like weeks. I had cut myself so much, but it didn't help. I decided to take a few of my anxiety pills. Around 40. I went about the rest of my night acting happy. The feeling of being around my parents while they didn't know that an entire bottle of medicine was slowly settling into my body was lovely.
Later that night, I got paranoid, and decided to tell on myself. My dad drove me to the hostpital at midnight. I can't get in his truck anymore because it reminds me of that night. I sat in a hospital for 7 hours. Wide awake. For about a month after that, I found myself reliving the night. I would lay in bed with my arm out, feeling the pain of the IV in my elbow even when there was nothing there. I would roll up my sleeve and see blood.
I was 12.
When I was 13, I found someone to look at as a mom. My parents were mostly absent, and I had only seen my real mom once. So, I did what any 8th grader would do. I clung onto a female teacher. She was really nice. She talked to me every day after class, and I eventually ended up writing her long letters since we couldn't talk for that long. It was her idea. Just being around her made me really happy, like how I imagine kids feel around their mothers.
Then, one day, I gave her a note like I usually did. Her response was: "No. I don't want it. Go away."
After that, I skipped her class to cry and cut myself in the bathroom. After a couple more days, I was brought into the office. She had switched me out of her class. She didn't want me in her class anymore. After one day in my new classes, I went home and tied a noose. I didn't and still don't understand why she hated me all of a sudden. I never wrote anything bad or inappropriate, I only told her about my interests and how my days were.
That night, while my mum and neice were in the room right beside mine, I sobbed for a few hours, then said goodbye to all my stuffed animals, then did it. I kicked the stool out from under me, and felt free. All of my anxiety was gone. SI is a bitch, though. My legs reached out for my bed, and I stood up on it. After that, my hands loosened the noose.
After that, I texted my mum and begged to be homeschooled, which I now am.
A little bit after that, I got into gore. The worst videos I've seen are Funkytown and Ms. Pacman. It started with The Human Centipede movies, then A Serbian Film, then where I am now. I saw Funkytown and Ms. Pacman a few weeks ago, but I've revisited them a couple times. I feel numb. I can imagine the videos I've seen of dead people, and people hanging themselves in my head. It... feels weird.
Now, I use age regression. I've been watching Bluey a lot recently, and working on sewing a quilt.
My neice comes over every weekend. She reminds me of when I tried to kill myself. The scars on my arms are healed, but sometimes her crying and screaming is too much and I cut myself again. Our house is a mess, due to my dad never being home, and my mum being physically and mentally unable to clean. My sister texts my mum 24/7. My mum never gets a break.
I could help, but most of the time I'm trying to do something like draw or sew, or crying, and my mum feels too guilty to ask me to help most of the time. My mum says that it's worth it for my neice, but I don't think it is. My mum is 50 and taking care of a 1 year old almost by herself while my sister gets drunk and parties.
Parents are delusional.
-----
I'm trying to cope with Bluey and JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, but even just getting out of bed is so draining. I can't regress to my little space whenever I think about my family. The real world is terrible. I'd give anything to be able to go to Italy and forget my current life.
I feel overweight and disgusting even at 95 pounds. I haven't been diagnosed with anything, but used to struggle with throwing up my food a lot. Whenever my neice was over and I had to listen to my mum describe baby shit in inteicate detail, it was hard to eat. I threw up every day it seemed like, and couldn't even stand my spit in my mouth. I still occasionally do. The house is filthy, but I try and keep my room and bathroom clean.
But, since my neice's room is right beside mine, my mum has started using my bathroom. Even when my neice isn't here, she doesn't sleep in her own bedroom or use her own bathroom. My bathroom doesn't feel like a safe space anymore, so I just have my bedroom.
I just showered the day before yesterday after not showering for a month. The kitchen barely has any clean dishes, and I've been eating mostly white rice for a couple weeks.
Anyways, I'm fine. How are you?
No.
No I fucking won't.
Today, my neice spilled a bowl of cereal on the floor, and my mum just threw the rest of it down to add to the absolute filth that is our home. She's now on the verge of tears.
My sister is fucking delusional, and so are 99% of parents. Mine are in their fifties, so they're not bad. My mum has a lot of medical issues, including POTS, so she stays home and sits in a disgusting house all day. My dad has everything from anxiety to severe arthritis, and works his ass off every single day as a mechanic to not get paid shit. He's lost almost all feeling in his hands.
I'm adopted. My real mom got pregnant with me in prison, and is a diagnosed bipolar. She admitted to doing every single pill she could get her hands on, but never smoked anything while pregnant with me. I am now diagnosed with ASD, major depressive disorder, and generalized anxiety disorder, with three CTB attempts, two by hanging and one overdose. Nobody besides my closest friend (and some ppl on the internet) know that I tried to hang myself, or that I cut myself.
My sister is from my parents. She got in a car wreck that could've killed her (due to drunk driving), and I wish it did. She got married to a dude, and after "trying for a baby" for a long while, gave birth to my neice.
The overdose was one night when my neice wouldn't stop crying. She had been at my house being taken care of by my parents for what seemed like weeks. I had cut myself so much, but it didn't help. I decided to take a few of my anxiety pills. Around 40. I went about the rest of my night acting happy. The feeling of being around my parents while they didn't know that an entire bottle of medicine was slowly settling into my body was lovely.
Later that night, I got paranoid, and decided to tell on myself. My dad drove me to the hostpital at midnight. I can't get in his truck anymore because it reminds me of that night. I sat in a hospital for 7 hours. Wide awake. For about a month after that, I found myself reliving the night. I would lay in bed with my arm out, feeling the pain of the IV in my elbow even when there was nothing there. I would roll up my sleeve and see blood.
I was 12.
When I was 13, I found someone to look at as a mom. My parents were mostly absent, and I had only seen my real mom once. So, I did what any 8th grader would do. I clung onto a female teacher. She was really nice. She talked to me every day after class, and I eventually ended up writing her long letters since we couldn't talk for that long. It was her idea. Just being around her made me really happy, like how I imagine kids feel around their mothers.
Then, one day, I gave her a note like I usually did. Her response was: "No. I don't want it. Go away."
After that, I skipped her class to cry and cut myself in the bathroom. After a couple more days, I was brought into the office. She had switched me out of her class. She didn't want me in her class anymore. After one day in my new classes, I went home and tied a noose. I didn't and still don't understand why she hated me all of a sudden. I never wrote anything bad or inappropriate, I only told her about my interests and how my days were.
That night, while my mum and neice were in the room right beside mine, I sobbed for a few hours, then said goodbye to all my stuffed animals, then did it. I kicked the stool out from under me, and felt free. All of my anxiety was gone. SI is a bitch, though. My legs reached out for my bed, and I stood up on it. After that, my hands loosened the noose.
After that, I texted my mum and begged to be homeschooled, which I now am.
A little bit after that, I got into gore. The worst videos I've seen are Funkytown and Ms. Pacman. It started with The Human Centipede movies, then A Serbian Film, then where I am now. I saw Funkytown and Ms. Pacman a few weeks ago, but I've revisited them a couple times. I feel numb. I can imagine the videos I've seen of dead people, and people hanging themselves in my head. It... feels weird.
Now, I use age regression. I've been watching Bluey a lot recently, and working on sewing a quilt.
My neice comes over every weekend. She reminds me of when I tried to kill myself. The scars on my arms are healed, but sometimes her crying and screaming is too much and I cut myself again. Our house is a mess, due to my dad never being home, and my mum being physically and mentally unable to clean. My sister texts my mum 24/7. My mum never gets a break.
I could help, but most of the time I'm trying to do something like draw or sew, or crying, and my mum feels too guilty to ask me to help most of the time. My mum says that it's worth it for my neice, but I don't think it is. My mum is 50 and taking care of a 1 year old almost by herself while my sister gets drunk and parties.
Parents are delusional.
-----
I'm trying to cope with Bluey and JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, but even just getting out of bed is so draining. I can't regress to my little space whenever I think about my family. The real world is terrible. I'd give anything to be able to go to Italy and forget my current life.
I feel overweight and disgusting even at 95 pounds. I haven't been diagnosed with anything, but used to struggle with throwing up my food a lot. Whenever my neice was over and I had to listen to my mum describe baby shit in inteicate detail, it was hard to eat. I threw up every day it seemed like, and couldn't even stand my spit in my mouth. I still occasionally do. The house is filthy, but I try and keep my room and bathroom clean.
But, since my neice's room is right beside mine, my mum has started using my bathroom. Even when my neice isn't here, she doesn't sleep in her own bedroom or use her own bathroom. My bathroom doesn't feel like a safe space anymore, so I just have my bedroom.
I just showered the day before yesterday after not showering for a month. The kitchen barely has any clean dishes, and I've been eating mostly white rice for a couple weeks.
Anyways, I'm fine. How are you?
