Venting My mom sits in my room, i go insane

[lavenderlilylies]

I have a uniquely stupid issue that's lowkey driving me over the edge. Long story short, it became a daily thing that my mom just hangs around in my bedroom because "theirs is too cold". She just lays on my bed on her phone and talks about random topics every now and then while I uncomfortably scroll on mine biding time till she freaking leaves me alone so i can just breathe comfortably.
I know this's nitpicky but if you were to read any of my other threads all i talk about is how I'm suffocated by my family lol. I was suffocated with our interactions in common spaces alone, imagine having her in my room for hours on end. How tf do i get her to leave?? Even when i turn my ac on because I'm hot she accuses me of kicking her out.
I feel horrible for not wanting her around. But i just feel very uncomfortable. Our relationship had it's ups and downs. I just feel like I'm under surveillance it's ridiculous.

 

[EternalShore]

There's probably a reason why she does it beyond "it's too cold"~ Maybe she wants to vent about something that's upsetting her or just wants to spy on you~ I would pry a bit and find out~ :) if it's the latter, just be super open about what you're doing for 1 day and tell her what things you tend to do~ Then, tell her that it makes you uncomfortable for her to be in your room, since you're an adult, and you can be honest with her if she needs it~ well, I mean, if you're willing to do that ofc! xD

 

[bankai]

She might be thinking in her mind that she's spending more time with you lol.however she doesn't have an idea how it makes you feel.this stuff happens a lot between parents and kids.

Like during a class trip my parents escorted my sister to the bus where her classmates were in.it was a proud moment for them but it was embarrassing for her and she asked them to leave

They were hurt though,so please be careful.use kid gloves . pardon the pun.

 

[lavenderlilylies]

There's probably a reason why she does it beyond "it's too cold"~ Maybe she wants to vent about something that's upsetting her or just wants to spy on you~ I would pry a bit and find out~ :) if it's the latter, just be super open about what you're doing for 1 day and tell her what things you tend to do~ Then, tell her that it makes you uncomfortable for her to be in your room, since you're an adult, and you can be honest with her if she needs it~ well, I mean, if you're willing to do that ofc! xD

Thank you, but openness isn't much appreciated in this family, especially with her. I'm usually the type of person to bring things up to the surface though, which usually equals an argument. But I don't have the mental energy for that lately. Which's honestly why I'm struggling with having her around. I just don't have the energy to put up with her.

She might be thinking in her mind that she's spending more time with you lol.however she doesn't have an idea how it makes you feel.this stuff happens a lot between parents and kids.

Like during a class trip my parents escorted my sister to the bus where her classmates were in.it was a proud moment for them but it was embarrassing for her and she asked them to leave

They were hurt though,so please be careful.use kid gloves . pardon the pun.

Yeah.. That's exactly why I feel bad about not wanting her around and wouldn't straight up say it

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through this - it's annoying what your mom does.

Why not go to her room or another room? Would she follow you?

 

[lavenderlilylies]

I'm sorry you have to go through this - it's annoying what your mom does.

Why not go to her room or another room? Would she follow you?

yes haha. I usually don't do that unless I'm going to my sibling's room. When it's the three of us I'm not as tense and we do actually talk. I just can't be alone with my mom somehow that's difficult

 

[Praestat_Mori]

yes haha. I usually don't do that unless I'm going to my sibling's room. When it's the three of us I'm not as tense and we do actually talk. I just can't be alone with my mom somehow that's difficult

Maybe she suspects sth and therefore she stays in your room?

 

[lavenderlilylies]

Maybe she suspects sth and therefore she stays in your room?

Well maybe . She isn't a big fan of confrontation so this might just be her way of showing up. It's not working lol it's driving me more insane

 

[hankly]

It's hard to know what's going on in other peoples heads but there are ways to find out.

Maybe leaning into it might help? When she comes in and starts talking about random things ask open questions and Stoke the conversation. After a while you guys might get comfortable enough for you to ask her properly why she comes in? After that you can tell her how it makes you feel with consideration of what she has said.

A lot of conflict happens when peoples defence mechanisms get triggered (worth looking into, very revealing about people's weird behaviour), getting to know someone who is, errr, difficult, can be about learning what they are and why they are. Making people feel like they are being listened to by taking an interest in what they're thinking about or interested in is a good way to get them to drop that response and allow you to get to the root of it.

It's a bit of work sometimes, but family will be a part of your life in some capacity regardless of how long that is and you have to get as clear a picture on them as possible (in a pragmatic sense) or get as good a relationship with them as possible (in a positive loving sense).

People don't change without radical things happening, and even then it's pretty surface or difficult and slow, better to learn how to manage those interactions and their impact on you.

Edit:
Your feelings are valid and you're not bad for having them, it's your body and your intuition and your nervous system talking to your brain in raw data. If you feel conflicted about something write it down and figure out why.

Her saying you're kicking her out by turning the ac is also valid as, realistically, that's what you're doing.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

This is strange. My guess would be, she thinks she's being necessarily a little invasive but for a good cause (in her mind), to spend time with you and support you. But she's ignoring the fact that she's overstepping reasonable boundaries and doing more harm than good. I've seen this a lot with parents. It's difficult to deal with when they are so smothering.

 

[painfully]

This might sound stupid but... Have you tried telling her? You said that you are the one who usually brings stuff up

 

[lavenderlilylies]

This might sound stupid but... Have you tried telling her? You said that you are the one who usually brings stuff up

it's a bit too mean i feel like. She's not doing something wrong at the end I'm just bothered by it and I don't even know why.

 

[frayed]

is she on the autistic spectrum?

 

[painfully]

it's a bit too mean i feel like. She's not doing something wrong at the end I'm just bothered by it and I don't even know why.

Its harsh but if she doesn't know she can't stop doing it
The real problem would be telling her and she didn't stop

 

[lavenderlilylies]

is she on the autistic spectrum?

She's not professionally diagnosed with anything but let's just say something's clearly off with her lol. Most of us are betting on OCD