My Life Will Never Change

[StarryStarry]

I woke up this morning - I wish I hadn't. I'm so far in debt I'll never see the light of day. I hate my life. I hate the sound of my breathing. I am up at 5:30 a.m. going to a job (working for lawyers) that I hate - I knew I would hate it. Nothing will ever change. The pain of being here is and always will be the same. I'm 60 years old. I should have some peace in my life. But I never will. I have found someone who willl take my sweet little girl, Sweet Pea. I'm only 9 hours from where my child is buried. I am drowning in pain. I've outlived my usefulness and it's time to go. Why I ever thought things in my life would change - that something good would happen to me is beyond my comprehension. Hope is a horrible thing - it tricks you into thinking that something good will happen in your life when it won't. It's time - I've overstayed my welcome.

 

[Darkover]

yeah it just gets worse the longer you live better to leave early then stick around wishing you'd left sooner

 

[S like Siren]

Hope is a horrible thing - it tricks you into thinking that something good will happen in your life when it won't.

Yeah....it is so true sadly :(

 

[FuneralCry]

I see hope as being very depressing, it can often just lead to more suffering. I am glad that I have none. I am sorry that you are in so much pain, I also wish that I never woke up. To me it just sounds so peaceful to sleep for all eternity. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[rationaltake]

I understand. It hurts. It's hard. I'm glad Sweet Pea will be looked after. I'm so sorry you're suffering.

 

[PrincessInWhite]

I woke up this morning - I wish I hadn't. I'm so far in debt I'll never see the light of day. I hate my life. I hate the sound of my breathing. I am up at 5:30 a.m. going to a job (working for lawyers) that I hate - I knew I would hate it. Nothing will ever change. The pain of being here is and always will be the same. I'm 60 years old. I should have some peace in my life. But I never will. I have found someone who willl take my sweet little girl, Sweet Pea. I'm only 9 hours from where my child is buried. I am drowning in pain. I've outlived my usefulness and it's time to go. Why I ever thought things in my life would change - that something good would happen to me is beyond my comprehension. Hope is a horrible thing - it tricks you into thinking that something good will happen in your life when it won't. It's time - I've overstayed my welcome.

I am half your age but I feel the exact same, especially those last 3 lines you wrote. I am sending so much love.

 

[thatguyakira123]

^Similar here. Fear and "hope" go hand in hand and it's annoying.

I'm sorry you have to go through this, Starry.