Venting My life = my mum's

[drinkclorox]

Quick background info: I'm in my last year of med school. My country does not have a hotline. I don't trust my family and friends.

For the sake of the "family name", my parents forced me to get into med school. I did not apply for med school, her employees did. I tried to purposefully fail the entrance exam but here I am now. I told my mum that I'm clearly not cut out for this because of my crippling depression but she didn't listen.

I have barely passing grades, I'm scared of blood and gore, I feel like I'm going to hurt my patients. I just don't want to hurt other people. I learned nothing these past few years.

It's worse because my mum is constantly monitoring me. I can't type at my phone for more than 2 minutes at a time or she'll take my phone away and look through it. I'm 20+ years old and she insists that I still sleep in her room.

If I don't obey her commands I get whooped multiple times. If I talk back, she insults everything about me and asks me to kms, telling me how she wish I was never born. When I had my failed attempt, she somehow found out and beat me more. I couldn't walk for a few days. She even locked me inside a room, not even allowed to get food downstairs.

I had a talk with her, even my thoughts of ctb. I told her how stressed I was with everything (including her ofc). I said that I want to move out and live my own life. I'm also willing to go to therapy if she supports me. All she said was "Therapy is for crazy people. What will our family members think if you go to therapy?"

My little sister is going through the exact same thing as me and I don't want to see her suffer like me. I have been fighting against her going to med school (she wants to do interior design). But my mum is forcing her and things are going to finalise soon.

All my packages and bank accounts are monitored by her, so I can't buy stuff online. Everyday she asks for the receipts for everything I buy in cash and calculates to see if it matches. I really want to ctb peacefully and painlessly. But I feel like there's this wall I have to overcome first. Advice?

 

[Das Nichts]

Thats some sick shit. How does she react if for instance you don't show her what you're doing on your phone ?

 

[drinkclorox]

At

Thats some sick shit. How does she react if for instance you don't show her what you're doing on your phone ?

The very least she'll yank my hair and forcefully take my phone. Worst she had ever done was smashing my phone.

 

[Das Nichts]

Assuming your both of adult age (legally) open a second bank account and drain your cash. Then gtfo of that house.
Depending on how much cash you have you could rent a place yourself of find a emergency shelter.

To get a restraining order physical signs of abuse and/or recordings of threat might be good.

 

[Amakishiyo]

You have to get yourself and your sister out of there, this is insanity. You are not safe, please seek help no matter what it takes.

 

[drinkclorox]

Assuming your both of adult age (legally) open a second bank account and drain your cash. Then gtfo of that house.
Depending on how much cash you have you could rent a place yourself of find a emergency shelter.

To get a restraining order physical signs of abuse and/or recordings of threat might be good.

Thanks for your input, but that's also where things get messy.

1. She has connections with literally every bank in my country. I tried making a second bank account but she found out.

2. All activity in my bank account is sent to her phone.

There is no emergency shelter in my country. The authorities also don't give 2 shits about cases like this (me and my friends contacted CPS when I was 14, providing them with CCTV footage and voice recordings. Instead, they threatened that they're going to expose me to the public, claiming that I'm the most ungrateful child ever)

 

[Das Nichts]

Thanks for your input, but that's also where things get messy.

1. She has connections with literally every bank in my country. I tried making a second bank account but she found out.

2. All activity in my bank account is sent to her phone.

Other options: open a bank account in a different country OR go to a cash machine and drain everything,
stash in a deposit box (railroad stations, airports or other public places).

Assuming shes not a vampire, do this at night so the money is already gone when she reads her notifications.

 

[drinkclorox]

Other options: open a bank account in a different country OR go to a cash machine and drain everything,
stash in a deposit box (railroad stations, airports or other public places).

Assuming shes not a vampire, do this at night so the money is already gone when she reads her notifications.

I'll try those and see how it goes. Thank you :"

 

[future_]

Quick background info: I'm in my last year of med school. My country does not have a hotline. I don't trust my family and friends.

For the sake of the "family name", my parents forced me to get into med school. I did not apply for med school, her employees did. I tried to purposefully fail the entrance exam but here I am now. I told my mum that I'm clearly not cut out for this because of my crippling depression but she didn't listen.

I have barely passing grades, I'm scared of blood and gore, I feel like I'm going to hurt my patients. I just don't want to hurt other people. I learned nothing these past few years.

It's worse because my mum is constantly monitoring me. I can't type at my phone for more than 2 minutes at a time or she'll take my phone away and look through it. I'm 20+ years old and she insists that I still sleep in her room.

If I don't obey her commands I get whooped multiple times. If I talk back, she insults everything about me and asks me to kms, telling me how she wish I was never born. When I had my failed attempt, she somehow found out and beat me more. I couldn't walk for a few days. She even locked me inside a room, not even allowed to get food downstairs.

I had a talk with her, even my thoughts of ctb. I told her how stressed I was with everything (including her ofc). I said that I want to move out and live my own life. I'm also willing to go to therapy if she supports me. All she said was "Therapy is for crazy people. What will our family members think if you go to therapy?"

My little sister is going through the exact same thing as me and I don't want to see her suffer like me. I have been fighting against her going to med school (she wants to do interior design). But my mum is forcing her and things are going to finalise soon.

All my packages and bank accounts are monitored by her, so I can't buy stuff online. Everyday she asks for the receipts for everything I buy in cash and calculates to see if it matches. I really want to ctb peacefully and painlessly. But I feel like there's this wall I have to overcome first. Advice?

thats tough...going through the same with my dad but lesser degree and i really hate this life...sending positive energy your way

 

[Sammie_com.sanrio]

I'll try those and see how it goes. Thank you :"

You could perhaps also rent out a one of those self storage places and live there ig and I mean only you have the key so no way she could get to you there I hope you can get out of that place <3

 

[ThisIsLife]

Oh boy this is hell... I can't help but feel compassion.

Do you want to be able to move or to receive packages without your mother knowing it ?



You're in a terrible situation, if i can help in any way i will, PM me if you want to.

 

[Kodokushi]

Can you leave the house freely? Does she have a tracking device on your phone? I've monitored some escape posts when it was dire for me and one of the advices was to bury the money and a spare cheap phone in a place only you know. If there's tracking involved, BUT you're not with your abuser - you can leave your phone somewhere where they expect you to be (studying room, for example) and use that time. If you do have friends or someone you trust, you can slowly and carefully get your important belongings to them, just be extremely cautious doing so. If not - you escaping is much more valuable than physical things

It's incredibly difficult and I'm so sorry you're stuck with this monster. Even reading about your experience made me want to snap her neck, I swear. Most importantly, since she has the connections to everything - do NOT trust her with your emotions, feelings and thoughts, because she will twist them, punish you and make your life worse. Acting happy is difficult, but hiding your true behavior is beneficial - she may think of you "finally going to the right path" and lesser her grip, allowing you to act more. Be careful what you have on your phone, well, you probably know all that, but just in case - wipe everything clean, don't write/plan anywhere she can see

I'm sorry if the message is all around the place, and really do hope it can get better for you. Wishing you and your sister all the best and that monstrosity and her support group all the worst

 

[nopride86]

Emotional, financial and physical abuse are hard enough to overcome, but when you are raised in a culture that enables and benefits from it, you find yourself a different type of hell. My heart goes out to you, I hope someday you are able to break away.

Let's say you finished medical school - would your family let you go to another country for work? Better pay in the US for doctors, for example. In their mind, better pay = more money you can send them. But then once you get there you don't send them anything. Let me be clear in saying that due to the way they treat you and your sister, you do not owe them anything.

 

[𖣴 nadia 𖣴]

Your mum sounds like my mum and step dad in many ways, while I was growing up, but your case is a lot more extreme. The advice to drain your account at night is good, but do you know if there's a limit on how much cash you can withdraw in one go? I think the risk here is that she'll ramp up the abuse and take away more of your freedom once she sees the cash is gone. If your mum is anything like mine, she might abuse your sister to emotionally blackmail you in to returning the cash to her so it would be safer to run away on the same night that you take the cash. And don't pack a bag if it's too risky, just take important things like ID, and try not to behave differently on the day before you leave because it could make her suspicious. Good luck, hope you and your sister can get out of there soon.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds beyond horrific what you have to endure, I hope that in whatever happens you eventually get out of that situation, it's undeniably such a hellish world we exist in where such extreme suffering is being experienced.

 

[Catastrofe]

Wtf this is terrible!! I am trying to give you ideas, because you really have to get out that situation.
- For the money have a look on Revolut : everything is made online, you have a prepaid card that can have multiples currencies on it, but it is easy to get. Check it out, and feel free to PM me if you need a bit more of explanation.
- Are you able to move to another country? It is hard and extreem but I also think that just run away with your sister one night is the best you can do. Instead of thinking on ctb, focus your energies there : finding a way to get out of there (bring your sister with you). If you eun away get your and her phone too, so you can take control of your money. Is there any possibility you can so this?

 

[drinkclorox]

Can you leave the house freely? Does she have a tracking device on your phone? I've monitored some escape posts when it was dire for me and one of the advices was to bury the money and a spare cheap phone in a place only you know. If there's tracking involved, BUT you're not with your abuser - you can leave your phone somewhere where they expect you to be (studying room, for example) and use that time. If you do have friends or someone you trust, you can slowly and carefully get your important belongings to them, just be extremely cautious doing so. If not - you escaping is much more valuable than physical things

Nope, I have to report her on places I go (sometimes she'll actually go to said location just to check if I'm really there). The only chance I have is at night when she's not looking at the CCTV and I'll just leave my phone in the house. Pretty sure that she doesn't look through the footage.

Let's say you finished medical school - would your family let you go to another country for work? Better pay in the US for doctors, for example. In their mind, better pay = more money you can send them. But then once you get there you don't send them anything. Let me be clear in saying that due to the way they treat you and your sister, you do not owe them anything.

She's actually encouraging me to work overseas since my country has really shit pay for doctors. She expects 80% of my pay to be sent to her though :) She even tried to make me sign a contract for that (which ofc I refused). But sometimes she changes her mind and asks me to stay with her, even to the extent of buying the house next door.

Are you able to move to another country? It is hard and extreem but I also think that just run away with your sister one night is the best you can do. Instead of thinking on ctb, focus your energies there : finding a way to get out of there (bring your sister with you). If you eun away get your and her phone too, so you can take control of your money. Is there any possibility you can so this?

I'm planning to move once I'm done with my studies but that's a plan that'll have to wait. As for my sister, I told her about my plan of running away but she's so adamant about staying with my mum and I really can't force her to follow me. It just feels like nothing is going as I planned and I'm so frustrated at myself for being in this powerless situation.

Damn, I'm sorry for my bad English (as it is not my mother tongue). I'm sorry if I'm being annoying to you all. I really have to organise my thoughts in order to make this work. Will try to update. Thank you all!

 

[Das Nichts]

As for my sister, I told her about my plan of running away but she's so adamant about staying with my mum and I really can't force her to follow me. It just feels like nothing is going as I planned and I'm so frustrated at myself for being in this powerless situation.

That's her decision then. If you are successful moving to another country you can help her more easily if she changes her mind.

Reads to me you've endured this for your hole life. Try to stay calm and patient - you already have most of the road behind you.

 

[Catastrofe]

I just would like to tell you 2 more things, but obviously the decision is yours, and you will find all supporting you in this community.
1 - if you move out without your sister and take distance from your mom, her destiny will be even harder than yours - she will face even more control. Try your best to convince her. Otherwise try to inform your mum that interior design is a very remunerative and established carreer : interior designer can earn a lot, just check on google. Not sure if it willmwork, but still you can try.
2 - I would really consider just running away and save one year of your life, but I understand this is a very adventurous and impulsive act.
3 - in the case you want to stick with your plan to move out after school, there is a good news : you actually have an excellent degree, which opens many doors for you. There is no need you are a proper doctor, or surgeon ... with med studies you have very different options, and I am sure you will be able to find something that is suitable for you (in the case you will be comfortable doing that). Just google "carreers with medical studies" and you will have an idea :)

 

[WorthlessCoward]

You sound like Carrie, maybe you'll develop psychokinetic powers later on

 

[AkaRed]

I wish I had some solid advice to give. I am so sorry to hear about your situation, and while I know you're monitored to hell and back- if you ever have a chance to talk to someone, and just need company or something. You can always PM.

Your mother sounds like a nightmare, I get the feeling sometimes. Not nearly in the same way, but it's the best I can do. Wishing you the best. <3

 

[drinkclorox]

Quick update:

1. My mum took all my money.
2. She'll give me back my money a little at a time if I go on dates with people she "approves". (Which is literally only this waaaaaay older dude living next door)
3. If I don't make my own progress, she's arranging my marriage for me by the end of this year.

I'm currently at my wit's end. It's like a plot for a TV show that I do not approve of being in.