melancholymallory03
Do cats live nine lives ? Or do humans ⏰
- Feb 20, 2024
- 314
TW gross stuff of a sexual nature
i feel so disgusting and gross and used up I. Feel horrible , this is my life . It's not that I'm promiscuous , I just always tend to use sex as self harm. I'm tired of it , I'm tired people. I feel my heart growing colder . This morning I buried out. In deep guttural laughter and I was laughing at almost nothing lmao it was like I was crying but instead I was laughing I'm not sure why laughing was coming out but I believe I soon after cried . Anyways I hate myself even though I've been taking my fucking medication, I feel horrible , I feel drained, I feel sickened: I am the type of person that cannot be helped. If I was to be helped in any kind of way it should be from myself because I cannot burden others . I want to lay in bed, watch movies and occasionally cut my ankles but I can't right now. Right now I have to save money to buy a vpn because if I don't order SN without one I'm afraid , afraid of my parents possible finding out ( law enforcement idk ) call me paranoid ….. but ill be the first to say I am.
So I've been working trying to save up for my peaceful method because I have decided that's all I really want to achieve is peace and quiet ending of my suffering. I don't want to be a victim anymore to life. I want to take everything into my own hands. Now I'm afraid that I'll spend my money on alcohol but I know I can refrain, because I know what happens when I drink, there's always a loss, and I always end up in deep bed freeze for a long time after. No way I can ctb being all vegetabled up like that. I'm already aggravated coming down from the booze, and other drugs, I just don't feel good
Stomachs turning , I can't wait for next week because atleast then I ca proceed to start my method. I feel so stupid and incompetent right now because I can't fuck this up. Patience has always been a weakness of mine. Stupid. Have to drag myself to Monday. Tuesday I can order my holy water aka sn lol
This is the only thing I'm looking forward to at this moment. Everything's falling apart around me and spiraling out of control but I'm frozen in time now
my stomach hurts my fucking life hurts everything hurts I'm tired of living like this, I have to end this. I don't even want help anymore I know what I have to do , what needs to be done. It's upsetting people wanna help another person when they finally see blood, or the aftermath or the suffering but by that point it's to late.
Also here's a song, sorry about the rant I wish I could turn into a rock
i feel so disgusting and gross and used up I. Feel horrible , this is my life . It's not that I'm promiscuous , I just always tend to use sex as self harm. I'm tired of it , I'm tired people. I feel my heart growing colder . This morning I buried out. In deep guttural laughter and I was laughing at almost nothing lmao it was like I was crying but instead I was laughing I'm not sure why laughing was coming out but I believe I soon after cried . Anyways I hate myself even though I've been taking my fucking medication, I feel horrible , I feel drained, I feel sickened: I am the type of person that cannot be helped. If I was to be helped in any kind of way it should be from myself because I cannot burden others . I want to lay in bed, watch movies and occasionally cut my ankles but I can't right now. Right now I have to save money to buy a vpn because if I don't order SN without one I'm afraid , afraid of my parents possible finding out ( law enforcement idk ) call me paranoid ….. but ill be the first to say I am.
So I've been working trying to save up for my peaceful method because I have decided that's all I really want to achieve is peace and quiet ending of my suffering. I don't want to be a victim anymore to life. I want to take everything into my own hands. Now I'm afraid that I'll spend my money on alcohol but I know I can refrain, because I know what happens when I drink, there's always a loss, and I always end up in deep bed freeze for a long time after. No way I can ctb being all vegetabled up like that. I'm already aggravated coming down from the booze, and other drugs, I just don't feel good
Stomachs turning , I can't wait for next week because atleast then I ca proceed to start my method. I feel so stupid and incompetent right now because I can't fuck this up. Patience has always been a weakness of mine. Stupid. Have to drag myself to Monday. Tuesday I can order my holy water aka sn lol
This is the only thing I'm looking forward to at this moment. Everything's falling apart around me and spiraling out of control but I'm frozen in time now
my stomach hurts my fucking life hurts everything hurts I'm tired of living like this, I have to end this. I don't even want help anymore I know what I have to do , what needs to be done. It's upsetting people wanna help another person when they finally see blood, or the aftermath or the suffering but by that point it's to late.
Also here's a song, sorry about the rant I wish I could turn into a rock
