Venting My life is literally falling apart.

[obei]

This is maybe gonna be my last post before either ctbing or recovering.
I started abusing clonazepam more and more, started drinking again from time to time, have almost no social life, dont work even w my family for more than 2h, binging and purging (bulimia), and have really heavy thoughts of hurting myself and ctbing.
I was denied ip and I cant pay for it.
My doctor/therapist (I go to her once a week in a hospital since I cant find any good therapists rn) is fine but I dont know if anything rly helps anymore.
How the fuck do I turn it around?
Is it over?
Can I ever go back to any good life?
Gosh please give me tips or advice, I need it more than ever…

 

[Ligand]

I don't know if this is a "finish the owl" kind of suggestion, but I would try to slowly tapper off of the benzos before anything else (optimally with medical supervision). Benzos seem to have a strongly negative effect on people that are actively depressed, and they have been shown in studies to significantly increase the rate of suicide attempts.