Story my life is improving but its flaws remain detrimental

[Worst creature]

a few days ago something happened in my life that I kind of bet my life on. If that point in my life went bad (im beeing vague for privacy reasons) It likely wouldve pushed me over the edge and towards ending my life. it went well and now other things in my life are too, but some of my lifes core issues (mainly the fact that im floating through life instead of living) keep shining a light on the noose from my point of view. the happyness in my life is a fragile thing and at times I look back at my past, wondering if I deserve happyness at all... Ive done some regrettable things.

all in all ive been for years swinging between fighting for a better future and craving death.

I hope yall like my vague story... Idk why i told it... maybe to cry out for help ?

 

[Forever Sleep]

Are you relieved the life milestone went well or, were you hoping it would bring you a new sense of hope which hasn't quite happened? I suppose everyone's happiness is fragile ultimately. We can never be quite sure what's lurking on the horizon.

Maybe all we have is whether we can cope in the moment and near future. And whether what we have or what's holding us back is strong enough. I really relate to 'floating along' but then, I suppose I find that preferable now- as opposed to struggling against the current.