Venting my life is genuinely crumbling

[immolation]

I really thought things were getting better for a while. But now I'm homeless and unemployed and my medicine runs out in like 5 days. Half the reason I wanted to stay alive was to try to fix my relationship with my parents but my mother is so far gone it's just irreparable, and my dad is struggling so much because he feels like he failed me, so it would be better for both of us if I just died. I promised my friend I'd take him to a movie on june 6th, and I have a psychiatrist appointment june 11th. I'll probably do it on june 12th but I need to find the time and space to test my method, because I don't have much privacy considering I've been couch surfing. It's a bit hard to give up all my aspirations but genuinely everything is stacked against me, so it's a disproportional amount of effort for a life I don't even really like anyway.

 

[SASU-KE]

it's a disproportional amount of effort for a life I don't even really like anyway.

I can understand this. The juice must be worth the squeeze.

Your Trying to be a good child to your parents and mend things with Them .That's very commendable.

I hope things get better for you.

 

[WhyMe123]

I know the feeling of just wanting to die but having all these responsibilities in the way..
Sending strength your way!

Also what is your method?

 

[immolation]

I know the feeling of just wanting to die but having all these responsibilities in the way..
Sending strength your way!

Also what is your method?

sorry for the late response I just saw this, im using the ligature strangulation ! I need to test it so I know how it feels before I commit, just so SI won't make me freak out and wake up the people I'm staying with or something.

 

[telekon]

It's a bit hard to give up all my aspirations but genuinely everything is stacked against me, so it's a disproportional amount of effort for a life I don't even really like anyway.

:( this one is relatable af

also couch-surfing. i hope i can get some job soon and pay rent again. i just fucking hate it. i hate the grind and living. i have something bigger and better im trying to achieve than working at a junk disposal place but it's hard and i have 0 support from anyone in my own country so idk

 

[immolation]

:( this one is relatable af

also couch-surfing. i hope i can get some job soon and pay rent again. i just fucking hate it. i hate the grind and living. i have something bigger and better im trying to achieve than working at a junk disposal place but it's hard and i have 0 support from anyone in my own country so idk

I sooo get this omg . I do have some support, at the very least some friends who care enough to let me switch between their houses every few days, but that's really it. To this day I haven't seen a full paycheck from any job I've ever had because my family always ends up needing it, and I feel guilty saying no, so it's impossible for me to save up any significant amount of money to be able to afford my goals. It's cool someone understands