My Life is a Mistake

[FrostedHoax]

I should never have been born. My parents were apparently trying for quite a while to have me and were about to give up but by some miracle (more like misfortune) they finally succeeded and I was thrust into this world. As I think about wanting to do nothing but finally take my own life and leaving this sorry excuse of a life in this sorry excuse of a world, I feel guilt and self-loathing knowing what such an action would do to my parents. They know nothing about the things I talk about here but I don't think I'll ever talk to them about wanting to die and just generally feeling miserable and demoralized since I don't think they'll ever understand or be able to do anything to help me. I don't even open up to my parents about more lighthearted but deeper than surface-level topics like if I'm dating anyone, if there's anyone I'm interested in, etc.

Now, I realize that there are a decent number of people that don't exactly have the best relationship with their parents and the best way I would describe my own relationship with my parents is healthy at a surface and foundational level but emotionally distant on my part. I don't know why but I just can't bring myself to close that emotional gap between my parents and I. Because of this, I really don't think there's any hope left for me since if I can't even bring myself to emotionally connect with my parents and accept their love for me, then can I even really call myself their one and only son? My parents are good people that gave their entire soul and heart into working themselves to the bone and sacrificing so much just to give me a chance at a decent life. Mom and dad, I'm sorry you had me as your only son.

 

[AresCohere]

I fully understand how you feel here, also Aldo relate to this on a deep, personal level. At least my parents would still have my sister ig.

 

[FrostedHoax]

I fully understand how you feel here, also Aldo relate to this on a deep, personal level. At least my parents would still have my sister ig.

You also have a sister? I didn't mention her in the original post but like with my parents, I don't talk to my sister about anything relating to mental health, suicide, etc. Basically, I wouldn't ever dream of talking to my sister about the things I talk about here even though I do feel pretty close with her. I do talk about her with lighter topics like if there's any girls I'm interested in, what I've been doing in my free time, how much I drank at the party the other night, how college is really going, and other things that I don't want to talk to my parents about for whatever reason (except for the stuff relating to drinking and partying, I feel like my reasons for not wanting to mention those to my parents are pretty self-explanatory ) but not anything relating to mental health or any other heavier topics.

I love my sister dearly and she is also one of the first people I think about when I consider how killing myself would affect those close to me. I wish I could just swap places with someone dead or seconds away from dying so I could finally leave this life but my family would at least have someone resembling me around and they wouldn't have to go through the pain of my suicide.

 

[OceanBlue]

Mom and dad, I'm sorry you had me as your only son.

They're just two randos who brought you into existence to suffer and die to fulfill their own needs. Don't feel so sentimental over the lack of connection, you owe nothing to them.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also see my existence as being a cruel mistake, it certainly would had been better to never exist at all, I don't believe that I deserved to be burdened with the ability to suffer. Procreation is so selfish, the non existent should just be left alone in peace, I would personally never feel guilty for leaving this world as suicide is a human right, and anyway we are all destined to die anyway, losing people is just the inevitable consequence of procreation. But anyway I wish you the best.