Venting My life is a chore

[Maw]

I feel like I wanna peal the skin off my face, I'm sick of living everything feels like a chore now. Walking, talking, moving, even jus slightly moving my hand from place to place is a chore and I hate it. Nothing is fun anymore. I try to have fun through addictions like vaping and masturbation, I only sometimes smoke cigarettes. I recently smoked weed for the first time and drank alcohol for the first time... I'm planning on doing it some more later but my therapist says it only gives high highs for a while then low lows forever but who cares? I wanna end my life anyways I can't take being alive anymore