My life in shams: I got no job, no partner, no friends, no liking, I tried so hard and really got nothing

[ToTheTwillight]

I spoken about my background story in here:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/its-time-planning-to-ctb-tomorrow.123869/

Today I learned I got blacklisted on the job market, I keep learning more and more people who I thought were my friends actually turned out to be backstabbers who helped previous company get intel on me, and they were in it to try and fuck me from having a new job.

I lacked being intellectual with people, never realize it's significant importance. It is so important that it doesn't just determines you having friends and relationship, it also determines how you climb up the corporate ladder to get better pay and better life and admiration. I really failed in the end, I devoted so much passion to wanting to work and be great employee at the sacrifice of social success, now I lost both badly.

Really been alone and depressed these days, can't even get the simplest and most basic people to want to be a part in my life. I'm just so tired of how people still invoke in you to live with all this shit... I plan to aim to finally CTB sometime next week, can't make a promise, but I feel at this point I might be more ready to face the scary process of SN than I was when I posted it. I'm not even scared of death anymore, just feels like it's natural right now

 

[FireFox]

Hey I know how you feel because I experienced similar in my last job this year too and it was a large organisation. I was backstabbed and humiliated at work by older work colleagues I thought were my friends. I am 26 and I feel in love with an older male work colleague his 50s. Long story short He made me feel special and I thought he was a good guy. He turned out to be a two faced lying piece of shit who began lying about me to our boss and sabotaging me at work. He changed the minute when I told him I was ready to move on from him, wished him well in life and I did declare my feelings. My boss believed his lies and humiliated me so much. My boss was so cruel even blaming me for bringing problems to the workplace.

I had an older woman work friend who everyone at work respectful. I told her my heartbreak over the man and after promising me she wouldn't say anything to anyone she went to the man and told him our private conversations unfortunately I insulted the man and the man decided to make suffer for it. The woman's name came up in the meeting with our boss.

Her gossip spread and made my life pure hell at work. This was my first ever full time job since graduating university. I was so nice to everyone at work, helped people the best I could and genuinely cared for my all work colleagues which is why I can't understand why she humiliated me this way. Being humiliated by older work colleagues who should know better than to be playing these games has been absolutely disgusting.

I eventually got fired from that job for poor performance and It's been hard dealing with it.

You know what the whole thing taught me a lot so much at the same time

● Everyone is fucking faking it at work such a shame they dont tell us this in schools. It eventually publicly came out in the media the workplace I worked in was being poorly run and failing to provide a good service to the members of the public. The day I arrived in that department it wss under investigation by the authorities due to multiple complaints from members of the public about the service. Investigation found there was maladministration, poor record keeping, falsification of information to being down caseloads etc. All the work colleagues who played a role gossiping about me over how bad I am and the management who hounded me they were just pretending to be perfect. The investigation findings was made public and embrassed the organisation including my boss as all this happened under his leadership. It felt like just justice seeing my previous workplace getting publicly shamed by the media and authorities.

● I will never ever go along with the crowd in gossiping and humilating others as I now know the true pain of being humiliated at work.

● i finally have deep compassion for people who lost, lonely and stuck in problems because I too was once stuck in problems at work and had the workplace turn against me in my hour of need.

● Blacklisting is illegal seek a good trade union support or legal advice to get it sorted out

I have no partner too and never had a boyfriend

 

[ToTheTwillight]

Thanks @FireFox, sounds like you had some misfortune in that company you worked for as well, sorry to hear that you had to go through all of this. I read your post on the other thread and it sounds like there is more than just the bad experience at work that makes you wanting to head in the ctb route. It's the same for me, like I was suicidal from a young age and every here and there it's really what I been wanting, from even before all the work crap happened to me.

If I chose to move forward in life, I may do something independent or freelance, I didn't literally get blacklisted, but i knew couple of companies in the same sector corroborated to badmouth me on job prospects i applied to. I had one very recently where I made it to the final round, and some hints out there indicated the previous companies precluded me from getting the job and why they passed on me.

 

[FireFox]

Shit What industry or field do you work in? Is it one of those creative industries? In the UK where I am from the entertainment industry there wss a famous TV presenter called Jimmy Savile who was a pedophile who sexually abused so many kids across the country. The BBC knew and anyone who spoke out was blacklisted by BBC and lost work and opportunities with the BBC. BBC being a major entertainment service provider to be blacklisted or have a negative reputation can make it hard for a person to get a career in British TV. Creative industries are known to be shitty and cliquey.

What damaging intel did your colleagues find ?

There is a way you can get round this

●Remember people have done far worse shit and still get employment look corrupt businesses people and politicians throughout history. It shocking how corrupt people get rewarded for doing evil.

● Expand your work search - large companies in the same secrtor are quite close knit whereas smaller and independent companies not so much.

 

[ToTheTwillight]

In the Tech Industry, but I can't share more details more than that. Let's just say that Tech Industry is diverse with different subcategories like BioTech, Social Media, Digital Marketing, etc... The jobs I been looking at were a completely different subcategory from the once I had experience with. Even then, they do research, they give them a call and these fucktards badmouth me for their sadistic joy to not see me get a new job.

Tbh thou, I don't care too much getting a new job, at this point the desire to ctb appeals to me more. Having a job would just distract this from me. It's kind of the message I tried to convey in the OP but I guess I wasn't direct about it.

 

[FireFox]

Virtual hug . I do know how it feels to be betrayed and sabotaged by work colleagues. I admit I am still deeply upset even many months later after my firing because I was socialable at work, told everyone good morning and to have a nice day, I sent the entire department and my boss a Christmas cards, I genuinely cared for my colleagues and always made the effort to know people and reassured my colleagues that I am always there for them. I did everything society told me to do in the workplace.

It has been so deeply disappointing and hurtful knowing that the people I was nice, supportive and respectful too at work everyday always went behind my back to our boss, humiliated me and couldn't be honest with me about anything. If I was bad person then I can fully understand people having a motive to hate, humilate and sabotage me but I am not which makes it even more harder to understand.

Privileged arsehole redditors and discord users too tell me to "get over it". and "go to see a therapist"- i can not fucking afford therapy if therapy was easy to acess I would be using it. These pieces of shit act as if therapy is so easy to access. I hope one day I can get over it, believe me

People like us we are just unlucky, never had a chance and screwed over.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's dreadful how many humans are so cruel, sadly I don't believe that they can be trusted and relied on, I understand why you'd feel so tired of it all, I wish you the best with your plans.

 

[FireFox]

As for your complete piece of shit colleagues nothing good will ever happen for them in their lives, trust me. It may not happen now or next year or even 10 years but those people who sabotaged you, treated you like shit at work it will eventually come back to haunt them.

Ever since leaving that organisation absolutely nothing good has come out about the place I worked in

● More people are expressing dissatisfaction with management and wanting to leave the organisation. Nobody is happy in that company and just getting by. Everyone is stuck there and I am free.

● My boss had to deal with scrutiny over the investigation being made public and the total embrassmemt it brought the company as the company was undergoing a merger with another company when the investigation was happening.

● I was constantly blamed for everything and being a problem bringer but long after I am gone the company still has problems. Despite everything I have done I have never brought the media on their doorstep. Now the company have real problems.

● The 55 year old male work colleague I fell in love with the man is a total loser with nothing going for him in his own life. The man is a total man child builled and terrorised by his own family members he used to confind in me about his crazy home life. He wasted his life and I will not waste mine. It was such a shame I wanted a total loser to love me.