miles-away
Member
- May 13, 2025
- 51
So I guess I'll start with that I'm separating from the military whilst still in A school. I had a good and it had plenty of transferability.
I purposefully failed out and I'm now in separations.
It wasn't even that bad. I was actually enjoying my time in the military-somewhat. I breezed through bootcamp to the point my RDCS didn't know my name. But I failed out because I knew I wouldn't be happy in the military long term. Especially not on a 6 year contract. I still kept having up and down feelings about everything; the fact that work never ends, the people I'm surrounded by, the fact I'd be spending the rest of twenties in the military, etc. I wanted to separate since bootcamp. I only joined the military on an impulsive, existential decision. I knew the longer I stayed in, the more I'd regret it.
They took me to a mental health professional and I told them the truth; I'm depressed, my OCD is getting worse, I'm thinking of killing myself. They asked if I wanted to separate and I said yes.
But once I separate, I don't really have anything in the civilian world. I went from agoraphobic homeschooler to NEET and that lasted seven years. I have no associates or bachelors. Barely any work experience. Can't go back to my parents. I'd be thrust out into the civilian world basically homeless tbh. I could live off my savings but it's not that much. I'd have to find a job somehow.
I don't really have much out there. I have no real hobbies other than rotting and attempting to get my gelatinous brain to read a book. A lot of hobbies are outside of my price range since I'm kind of bound on base (no car) and I'm trying to save up. I mostly go on walks.
My best friend is my ex and that's a whole weird thing. The pathetic thing is, I somewhat separated for him. I joined after we broke up and he started talking to me a few weeks after we broke up. I went to bootcamp and on the rare times I'd get my phone, I'd call him. Maybe I'm just insane, but told me he wanted to call more and would semi-flirt with me and it sort of sounded like he wanted to get back together.
We talk nearly everyday but recently I just straight up asked if he wanted to get back together. He said no; he doesn't want to date anyone and considers himself an incel. Said he just hates the concept of dating now and doesn't have any interest in it. He admits he's codependent on me but in a "friend" way. Says he might asexual and even might be aromantic.
So, my life is hollow. I'm in love with my bsf who calls himself an incel, I screwed myself out of a good rate and now I have no idea what to do. And everyday it feels like I have this growing void in my chest. I really should just kill myself.
I purposefully failed out and I'm now in separations.
It wasn't even that bad. I was actually enjoying my time in the military-somewhat. I breezed through bootcamp to the point my RDCS didn't know my name. But I failed out because I knew I wouldn't be happy in the military long term. Especially not on a 6 year contract. I still kept having up and down feelings about everything; the fact that work never ends, the people I'm surrounded by, the fact I'd be spending the rest of twenties in the military, etc. I wanted to separate since bootcamp. I only joined the military on an impulsive, existential decision. I knew the longer I stayed in, the more I'd regret it.
They took me to a mental health professional and I told them the truth; I'm depressed, my OCD is getting worse, I'm thinking of killing myself. They asked if I wanted to separate and I said yes.
But once I separate, I don't really have anything in the civilian world. I went from agoraphobic homeschooler to NEET and that lasted seven years. I have no associates or bachelors. Barely any work experience. Can't go back to my parents. I'd be thrust out into the civilian world basically homeless tbh. I could live off my savings but it's not that much. I'd have to find a job somehow.
I don't really have much out there. I have no real hobbies other than rotting and attempting to get my gelatinous brain to read a book. A lot of hobbies are outside of my price range since I'm kind of bound on base (no car) and I'm trying to save up. I mostly go on walks.
My best friend is my ex and that's a whole weird thing. The pathetic thing is, I somewhat separated for him. I joined after we broke up and he started talking to me a few weeks after we broke up. I went to bootcamp and on the rare times I'd get my phone, I'd call him. Maybe I'm just insane, but told me he wanted to call more and would semi-flirt with me and it sort of sounded like he wanted to get back together.
We talk nearly everyday but recently I just straight up asked if he wanted to get back together. He said no; he doesn't want to date anyone and considers himself an incel. Said he just hates the concept of dating now and doesn't have any interest in it. He admits he's codependent on me but in a "friend" way. Says he might asexual and even might be aromantic.
So, my life is hollow. I'm in love with my bsf who calls himself an incel, I screwed myself out of a good rate and now I have no idea what to do. And everyday it feels like I have this growing void in my chest. I really should just kill myself.
