I must win because my life ended in 1995. I have not made any friends since then or had any real development in my professional life that wasn't taken away. I did go to college but it only served to have me wind up with enormous debt that I cannot pay off because I live with my elderly mother on disability. What will likely happen to me when I am no longer able to live with her is that I will become homeless and unable to feed or clothe myself. I never managed to become able to provide these things for myself independently as my mental illness has held me back. There really aren't anymore chances for me now. I have ruined every opportunity I have been given in life. I have no more opportunity and am too tied by the consequences of past behaviors due to my mental illness that there is no starting over again for me. No friends, no romantic relationships, nothing. It has been all over for me since 1995 which was the last good
year for me. Since then everyone my age that I went to school with has gone on to school, get married, get jobs, have kids, get cars, get houses and in some cases HAVE GRANDCHILDREN. While I have literally none of those things (except a college degree) and am worse off than I was in 1995 because my reputation is ruined, I am morbidly obese and I no longer have a car to get around in. I never thought my life would turn out this way for me but it has. What else can i do besides ctb?