My last day has begun.

[Pacco]

Good morning to you all. My (hopefully) last day of my sad life has come.

I'll do stans one day SN guide. I cleaned my room, wrote two goodbye letters for my family and for the girl which I loved for so long time. Also phone numbers, for example that my family can inform the work company about my suicide.

The only thing left to do is to write my testament. I have collected around 90k € which I also want to spend on a very good friend and the girl I liked so much. For me I really can say money doesn't make you happy for sure, there are other things that are more important and which I don't was able to get: A happy relationship and an own family.

I'll go a last time with my dog into the nature and enjoy a little bit the warm spring sun. I stopped eating and in around 2 hours I'll stop drinking too.

In around 11 hours I will take the Meto and than prepare three drinks of SN. The only thing I don't know is if I should take Pantoprazol as Anticid also.

I'm not scared about drinking SN or the following suffers/pains. I'm only scared about failing. At all of vomitting and drinking the second or maybe third drink. Hopefully this last thing of my life will go right and I don't have to suffer anymore.

 

[Sparr0w]

i wish you luck and peace

 

[FredTheCripple]

Goodbye! I hope you find the peace you desire.

 

[looking_for_peace]

good luck. Antiacids are no longer recommended to take with SN so you can skip that. all you need is the meto. I hope all goes smoothly for you :)

 

[wielkiwrobel]

Safe travel

 

[bloberta]

enjoy the walk with your dog :)

 

[Tartuffe]

❤ keep us updated

 

[cowie]

hope you have a good last day. What are your plans for your dog?

 

[Pacco]

Yes of course I will update when the process begins.

Now I started my last trip with my dog.

Okay, so no Anticida is necessary. Thank you all.

 

[WorthlessCoward]

Best of luck, hope you don't get cold feet like I did

 

[HelloIamSummer]

Safe travels <3

 

[stoopid]

Good luck, See us on the other side

 

[GasMonkey]

See you on the Other Side.

 

[lukas19]

Yes of course I will update when the process begins.

Now I started my last trip with my dog.

Okay, so no Anticida is necessary. Thank you all.

Sorry your life has taken you to here. (I've been waiting to take SN+AE), Hav'nt got the balls to do it yet, tried two serious attempts before
have decided SN is the most effective. Have you found a good home for your dog?

 

[Shivali]

 

[DreamEnd]

Have a good trip. Keep us updated on the process

 

[FuneralCry]

Farewell, I wish you the best and I hope that you find freedom from all suffering.

 

[ExistHarm]

save travels

 

[リスカ]

What made you realize today was the day?

 

[Gonnerr]

Enjoy your last day , take care.

 

[Pacco]

What made you realize today was the day?

Some ridiculous reasons. I have holidays now so my company can solve "better" the problem that I won´t come to work anymore. Also i waited for some birthdays are over of family and friends. I know of course that my loss will maybe cause sadness for some persons so I didnt want to make her birthdays sad. In the next weeks nobody has birthday and in the last few days i met some people which were important for me - for example my father. So I expected today as the day I will ctb.

The dog belongs mainly to my mother. So he´ll be fine of course.

I don´t think I could get "cold feet". 10 years ago I had a suicide attempt yet with sleeping pills and it wasn´t a problem to make this step. I cried while I was taking the pills but was determined to ctb. So today it will be the same. My only fear is that also the attempt mit SN could go wrong and I have to go to hospital and psych ward again. But with the first attempt it was an other situation. I suffered in my bed until I was found by my parents. But if SN fails I only will vomit I think. How I said I´m scared about failing again - not because of the death.

If the time comes in a few hours I will hug my dog, drink SN and lay down in my bed. Than hopefully SN will start the process and I will try to keep you update. For now I´m writing my testament on paper and after that I will take a bath with my favourite bath cream while listening to the song "Shadow of the day" by Linkin Park. Which isn´t really my favourite song but the words sung are important today: "Sometimes solutions/beginnings aren´t so simple, sometimes goodbye´s the only way". Than I delete some private videos and whatsapp from my phone and PC. Than cuddling with the dog until my mum falls asleep on couch and than go upstairs into my apartment. That´s my plan for the rest of my last day.

 

[calssilva]

So the main reason you are going to ctb is loneliness ?

 

[nonialabaster]

Some ridiculous reasons. I have holidays now so my company can solve "better" the problem that I won´t come to work anymore. Also i waited for some birthdays are over of family and friends. I know of course that my loss will maybe cause sadness for some persons so I didnt want to make her birthdays sad. In the next weeks nobody has birthday and in the last few days i met some people which were important for me - for example my father. So I expected today as the day I will ctb.

The dog belongs mainly to my mother. So he´ll be fine of course.

I don´t think I could get "cold feet". 10 years ago I had a suicide attempt yet with sleeping pills and it wasn´t a problem to make this step. I cried while I was taking the pills but was determined to ctb. So today it will be the same. My only fear is that also the attempt mit SN could go wrong and I have to go to hospital and psych ward again. But with the first attempt it was an other situation. I suffered in my bed until I was found by my parents. But if SN fails I only will vomit I think. How I said I´m scared about failing again - not because of the death.

If the time comes in a few hours I will hug my dog, drink SN and lay down in my bed. Than hopefully SN will start the process and I will try to keep you update. For now I´m writing my testament on paper and after that I will take a bath with my favourite bath cream while listening to the song "Shadow of the day" by Linkin Park. Which isn´t really my favourite song but the words sung are important today: "Sometimes solutions/beginnings aren´t so simple, sometimes goodbye´s the only way". Than I delete some private videos and whatsapp from my phone and PC. Than cuddling with the dog until my mum falls asleep on couch and than go upstairs into my apartment. That´s my plan for the rest of my last day.

I wish you a peaceful journey. It sounds like a good plan, especially the doggie hugs.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

Your last day sounds like it's going to be a special one. Going out into nature one last time with your dog is probably going to be so peaceful.

I know you already explained to someone else why you chose today, but what is it like to know that you're ready? Some of us keep going back and forth with thinking we're ready, only to realize we aren't and it gets so frustrating. I hope everything goes well for you.

 

[spacehardware]

Hope all goes smoothly later. Wishing you all the peace that you deserved from life.

 

[Gonnerr]

Some ridiculous reasons. I have holidays now so my company can solve "better" the problem that I won´t come to work anymore. Also i waited for some birthdays are over of family and friends. I know of course that my loss will maybe cause sadness for some persons so I didnt want to make her birthdays sad. In the next weeks nobody has birthday and in the last few days i met some people which were important for me - for example my father. So I expected today as the day I will ctb.

The dog belongs mainly to my mother. So he´ll be fine of course.

I don´t think I could get "cold feet". 10 years ago I had a suicide attempt yet with sleeping pills and it wasn´t a problem to make this step. I cried while I was taking the pills but was determined to ctb. So today it will be the same. My only fear is that also the attempt mit SN could go wrong and I have to go to hospital and psych ward again. But with the first attempt it was an other situation. I suffered in my bed until I was found by my parents. But if SN fails I only will vomit I think. How I said I´m scared about failing again - not because of the death.

If the time comes in a few hours I will hug my dog, drink SN and lay down in my bed. Than hopefully SN will start the process and I will try to keep you update. For now I´m writing my testament on paper and after that I will take a bath with my favourite bath cream while listening to the song "Shadow of the day" by Linkin Park. Which isn´t really my favourite song but the words sung are important today: "Sometimes solutions/beginnings aren´t so simple, sometimes goodbye´s the only way". Than I delete some private videos and whatsapp from my phone and PC. Than cuddling with the dog until my mum falls asleep on couch and than go upstairs into my apartment. That´s my plan for the rest of my last day.

Good music choice , me too i will ctb while listening to linkin park.

 

[Pacco]

So the main reason you are going to ctb is loneliness ?

Yes.

I feel ready because i see no sense in life anymore. If i think about my future it hurts in soul. I can´t describe it really what this feeling is. But it´s only emptyness. I don´t want to wake up anymore just for another day of bad feelings.

I seeked for help over the last years yet. In July it would be 4 years since I joined the forum here. 4 years of seeking for the best way to ctb too. Everytime i feel a little bit of hapiness I was reminded by my problems. I was bullied in my childhood and since those days I´m a very shy and introverted person. I don´t have really good friends and I also have no interesting hobbies so I am worthless in other persons minds too.

In the last days I couldn´t sleep very well and wasn´t really hungry too. I have holidays and every day i only was sad and desperated. Seeing the girl I like so much with another person gave me finally the rest too. I really see no future in my life - i would say that I´m not able to live normally No, my decision is final.

 

[Brave_it_Shiru]

Please seek help before going through with this, reconsider.

You have been making lots of rounds. I expected to see your comment and listen...whatever your intention is....Imagine seeing this same post in a thread of someone trying to recover or seek help...(eye roll)

Yes.

I feel ready because i see no sense in life anymore. If i think about my future it hurts in soul. I can´t describe it really what this feeling is. But it´s only emptyness. I don´t want to wake up anymore just for another day of bad feelings.

I seeked for help over the last years yet. In July it would be 4 years since I joined the forum here. 4 years of seeking for the best way to ctb too. Everytime i feel a little bit of hapiness I was reminded by my problems. I was bullied in my childhood and since those days I´m a very shy and introverted person. I don´t have really good friends and I also have no interesting hobbies so I am worthless in other persons minds too.

In the last days I couldn´t sleep very well and wasn´t really hungry too. I have holidays and every day i only was sad and desperated. Seeing the girl I like so much with another person gave me finally the rest too. I really see no future in my life - i would say that I´m not able to live normally No, my decision is final.

Dear hurting soul....May you receive the warmest hug today ❤

 

[calssilva]

I see your suffer…because my pain is very close to your….try to get better have not worked for me too and i don't have any reason to stay alive…but i can't ctb today…unfortunately

 

[the guilt i carry]

I wish you good luck and I hope that you will finally find peace. How are you now?