Venting My inability to change for the better , and my search for SN and DSL

[xvxmvx75]

I've been trying to understand why I'm unable to push myself and be who I would like, but these last few months have made it clear to me that their isn't really a rhyme or reason to the way I am.

[This is my first post so I'm sorry if the formatting is poor, and I appreciate any feedback anyone is willing to give]

I wasn't sure I wanted to CTB but the last few months have made it clear I have done all that which I would've wanted to achieve in life that is within my capabilities.

It started in January, I had a close friend pass away, and due to my inability to process grief my gf at the time broke up with me which has sent me spiralling ever since. I was distraught and genuinely defeated for so long after, but at this point I've become somewhat content with how my life has transpired.

I've loved someone with my whole heart…

I've helped others…

I've been a good friend…

These things to me are enough. The problem lies in the fact that I cannot better myself anymore (not saying I'm like really great or anything) I'm incapable of seeing myself live the rest of my life out and enjoying any of what that would entail. Thus the need to CTB.

I started with cutting but the truth is that was never a viable way for me. I perused my options for awhile until stumbling upon SN. I'm sure it's the method I intend on using the only issue is I'm unable to find DSL and it's driving me up the wall. Alas I'm certain I can figure things out.

I understand certain things are unable to be said, and a handout isn't what I'm looking for, but if anyone is in a similar situation or has been and figured it out I'd love to hear from you.

 

[yellow rose]

I've got no clue on DSL either..

 

[xvxmvx75]

I've got no clue on DSL either..

I'm told this is the discussion that made it click for some others, maybe you can find something I can't

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/help-finding-dsl-i-am-going-insane.235181/#post-3402307

 

[yellow rose]

Nah I've got no idea Hey... And even off I did, I've run out of time, I need to ctb sooner than it would arrive..

 

[lilli_188]

As long as you remain active on the forum, you should unlock the search feature and can search for better clues regarding DSL. I was also someone who could never find it but after using only the "D" part of the phrase and following my search with what I wanted to buy I found it. Can even find it on Safari without special settings

 

[xvxmvx75]

As long as you remain active on the forum, you should unlock the search feature and can search for better clues regarding DSL. I was also someone who could never find it but after using only the "D" part of the phrase and following my search with what I wanted to buy I found it. Can even find it on Safari without special settings

Really appreciate your response, thank you