Venting my girlfriend

[emilyprentiss]

i know im a horrible partner, im too stupid, im too sensitive, im too ugly, worthless, emotional, a burden, that i am scum but that doesn't mean i won't miss her so much. i wish i was good enough to stay with her and i hope i don't scar her. she is the most perfect sweet ethereal human being i have ever met. she is the only person i have ever loved but my love is going to rot inside her and make her miserable. if i die to make her happy it proves how much i love her, no one else would ever do something so big. i feel so guilty to her that im still alive but so guilty for ending it and leaving her. i know she will be happier though. i am too repulsive to have a physical relationship with i know she would have to be sick and i don't want her to be ashamed of how disgusting i am. I don't want her to force herself to understand me anymore, she should be with someone who isn't a burden to talk to. im stopping that. but I'll miss her. I have to remember that I won't exist for it to matter and that's how it always should've been. im finally being good.

 

[arcticmonkey]

if i die to make her happy it proves how much i love her, no one else would ever do something so big. i feel so guilty to her that im still alive but so guilty for ending it and leaving her. i know she will be happier though.

If your death would make her happy she wouldn't be with you in the first place, it WILL most definitely scar her, with that being said it's your life and the decision is yours, but these all seem like thoughts to cope with your guilt, sorry if i came off as rude, i hope whatever you choose brings you the most peace.

 

[emilyprentiss]

If your death would make her happy she wouldn't be with you in the first place, it WILL most definitely scar her, with that being said it's your life and the decision is yours, but these all seem like thoughts to cope with your guilt, sorry if i came off as rude, i hope whatever you choose brings you the most peace.

She did leave me for a month once before but she came back. I don't know why. You aren't rude at all i can definitely get a bit of tunnel vision so i appreciate the reality check!

 

[Greasyhair]

I am so sorry. I do not know what I would do, if I was in relationship with someone I truly loved. Maybe disappear, and go completely dark on them?

 

[emilyprentiss]

I am so sorry. I do not know what I would do, if I was in relationship with someone I truly loved. Maybe disappear, and go completely dark on them?

i did consider ghosting just being i want her to hate me so I have nothing let that makes me happy, I think the most effective way to make her hate me would be to just leave her but i don't think I could bear it

 

[Greasyhair]

i did consider ghosting just being i want her to hate me so I have nothing let that makes me happy, I think the most effective way to make her hate me would be to just leave her but i don't think I could bear it

I understand, and of course its one thing for me to wonder out aloud, and one thing to do in practice. In reality I would probably be stuck like vampire on vein.

 

[TheCallOfTheStars]

She did leave me for a month once before but she came back. I don't know why. You aren't rude at all i can definitely get a bit of tunnel vision so i appreciate the reality check!

Coming from someone who was in a similar situation, I really don't know what to say besides it's really up to you what you wanna do with that relationship. Considering she came back and all, I feel like she still at least somewhat does care for you.

 

[fromange]

You should be proud of yourself for loving another person so deeply. You were able to find someone, and they haven't left you yet. I don't know the specifics of your relationship beyond that but very few people have that.

Anyways, like everyone else has said, it's your right to. So although it may hurt them and you might have guilt from knowing/predicting that, you have to prioritize yourself. Whether it means ctb or not, I hope you find clarity on what you want with your life.

 

[socksnsandles]

i did consider ghosting just being i want her to hate me so I have nothing let that makes me happy, I think the most effective way to make her hate me would be to just leave her but i don't think I could bear it

this is what i am considering doing too. gf loves me to the point she wants to ctb with me, but i know shes only doing it cause I am and not cause she actually wants to. reminds of a scene in sons of anarchy where a guy purposely cheats on his girl and purposely gets caught because he wants her to get away from him because of how dangerous his career is.

 

[ungodly]

i'm so sorry man.

i was in a relationship with a girl i truly loved and it was the most painful thing i've ever experienced. we live in a world that tries to sell love as this sacred fix all thing but nobody wants to talk about how agonizing it is when you enter a relationship while being emotionally damaged. i genuinely believe juggling a relationship and your own failing mental health is probably one of the most torturous things a person can go through.

i'm not gonna encourage you to hurt yourself but know that i see you and i feel you, i wish there was an easier solution to everything