My friends get very distressed when I talk about concrete suicide plans.

[randy]

It makes me feel so guilty. I know it will upset them if and when I go. One of them got choked up when I mentioned some rough plans.

But I'm in such misery I can't take it anymore. Sometimes I think I should just fade on them so they won't miss me, but I don't think that would work, I've known some of them for 20+ years.

I don't know what to do

 

[membo]

What do you hope to gain out of sharing plans with your friends? Perhaps you want someone to intervene, or to show they care?

I'm sorry things are hard.

 

[randy]

What do you hope to gain out of sharing plans with your friends?

I'm sorry things are hard.

I don't know. I just wanted to let them know where I am at. I'm not one to pretend everything is ok
maybe it was a mistake

 

[my-end]

It makes me feel so guilty. I know it will upset them if and when I go. One of them got choked up when I mentioned some rough plans.

But I'm in such misery I can't take it anymore. Sometimes I think I should just fade on them so they won't miss me, but I don't think that would work, I've known some of them for 20+ years.

I don't know what to do

I think if you're allowing others to know then subconsciously you might be calling for help. If you have friends, cherish their friendship and the time you have together. Be the best friend you can be. Be the kind of friend you'd want.

 

[membo]

I don't know. I just wanted to let them know where I am at. I'm not one to pretend everything is ok
maybe it was a mistake

I don't think it was a mistake. I think that feeling is natural, and I also prefer to be open and straight-forward.

Did they say anything specifically?

 

[leaf23]

This sounds rough; I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I do think your feelings of guilt are in some ways unavoidable—you obviously care about your friends so their feelings affect you. The reverse is true too: your friends' feelings are a reflection of how much they care about you. They're obviously going to miss you when you're gone. You have to remember though, that you are not ultimately responsible for the way they feel or react. You can only support them like maybe in encouraging dialogue, listening to them like how they're listening to you, and reassuring them that you believe you're choosing the best path that will bring you peace. Your choice may affect others but it's ultimately your life, your decision.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's a very difficult situation. I think we all know how lonely it is to feel like this. I have talked to friends about suicide in the past, although I wouldn't likely do it now so much and I've never disclosed that I have an actual plan.

It has to be up to you really but further discussions with them- especially about an actual plan I imagine will make them more likely to try and intervene. If I'm honest- the only person I might tell is someone who is also suicidal but even then, it is a risk really. I'm assuming your friends aren't suicidal? I do understand your viewpoint- you are clearly close to them. You want them to understand your reasoning and warn them- so that it is likely less of a shock.

Thing is- I'm guessing that their thinking is SO different to ours that it's unlikely you will get them to understand. They just sound like they are horrified. Honestly- I think if you try to now ignore them, they may continue to worry- especially if this is out of character for you. I personally think the best thing would be a white lie- you HAVE been feeling really depressed of late. Maybe you've struggled with ideation for a long time but maybe give them the impression you are feeling slightly better. I know it's a lie but otherwise- I imagine they are just going to worry constantly until you do or don't do it. I'm sorry.

 

[randy]

It's a very difficult situation. I think we all know how lonely it is to feel like this. I have talked to friends about suicide in the past, although I wouldn't likely do it now so much and I've never disclosed that I have an actual plan.

It has to be up to you really but further discussions with them- especially about an actual plan I imagine will make them more likely to try and intervene. If I'm honest- the only person I might tell is someone who is also suicidal but even then, it is a risk really. I'm assuming your friends aren't suicidal? I do understand your viewpoint- you are clearly close to them. You want them to understand your reasoning and warn them- so that it is likely less of a shock.

Thing is- I'm guessing that their thinking is SO different to ours that it's unlikely you will get them to understand. They just sound like they are horrified. Honestly- I think if you try to now ignore them, they may continue to worry- especially if this is out of character for you. I personally think the best thing would be a white lie- you HAVE been feeling really depressed of late. Maybe you've struggled with ideation for a long time but maybe give them the impression you are feeling slightly better. I know it's a lie but otherwise- I imagine they are just going to worry constantly until you do or don't do it. I'm sorry.

yes, one brought up the fact that a good friend of his in college killed himself and it affected him deeply.

 

[FuneralCry]

I just think that it's a terrible idea being so open about plans to die, personally. Such a thing could never be beneficial and could only lead to more suffering being experienced. For so many in this world, the thought of someone voluntarily choosing death over life scares them as it would shatter their worldview so it's understandable why non suicidal people would respond in a distressed way.
Many people don't wish to come to terms with the subject of rational suicide and how for some people this existence could never be worth enduring.

And also opening up about this could potentially lead to others interfering with plans so I would personally see it as best to leave notes to those left behind instead giving them an explanation to be read after you have finally departed this world. But it's certainly wrong to me how the subject of suicide is so stigmatised, people should be able to discuss the decision to die without the fear of others getting in the way. After all, death is the most normal thing ever.

But anyway, your feelings of wishing to be free from all suffering are understandable. It's tiring still being here when all that you really wish for is to be gone.

 

[hellispink]

I think it is quite toxic to keep sharing plans with them if they feel uncomfortable by it. I think there is things we should keep to one self.

 

[WaitingAllMyLife]

I've struggled with this too. On the one hand you don't want to share with them because it will be upsetting. On the other hand I hear people all the time on the news or documentaries saying things like, "How could I not have known? Why didn't they tell me?" and that seems equally if not more upsetting. I understand the need to want to tell them. They are your friends. You are making a huge decision and obviously hurting. It's natural to want some comfort. We are here for you.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

I get wanting to vent and be honest with friends, but can you really blame them for their reactions? Maybe talking about plans with them isn't the best idea.

 

[Wannagonow]

My first thought about telling friends, is that they may become nervous and try to intervene. Frankly if they're a good friend they probably should. So unless this is the goal (and it might be- I've been there) you may want to re-think sharing a plan. I understand that urge to tell someone. Those are valid feelings. But again, consider the consequences (good and bad).

 

[Huntfish34]

I agree, if you keep telling them about any plans you are ultimately setting yourself up for more heartache and pain. Especially since you say " concrete ", sounds like extremely intense conversation.

I get it though, I have Mentioned it to a couple friends years ago and didn't like their responses so I kept quiet. I wish you the best. -

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

I completely understand your desire to talk about something that is so intensely personal to yourself. It's not wrong to want to be heard, and it is wrong to have to hide something that you feel so strongly about.

Naturally as well, you'd like to be able to confide in your friends. I'm sure I would if I had any left to confide in.

Thing is, people that haven't been in our mindset, can't understand it. That's not their fault, it is what it is. It's an uncomfortable topic, and if they really are your friends the likelihood is they're going to want to try to help or save you.

It's a sad thing, but society just isn't in a place where you can have those kind of conversations with the outcome you'd like to have. It's too taboo a subject unless you're dealing with an exceptional person.

 

[mandagratigus]

What do you hope to gain out of sharing plans with your friends? Perhaps you want someone to intervene, or to show they care?

I'm sorry things are hard.

Speaking for myself, I just want to be able to say goodbye. Thank them for being in my life, apologize for leaving.

Knowing that I'll never get to say goodbye sucks, but I've come to terms with the fact that my last weeks are going to be spent bullshitting about how I'm doing and pushing people away.

It sucks, but it's just more of the kind of realizations about reality that brought me here.