My close friend passed away on New Years Eve from a lifelong illness. I'm so sad. I'm also a big loser. Even in my grief I'm feeling sort of sorry for myself because I want to ctb and be in another place like my friend. I wish she were still here. I can't believe I'm thinking of myself even in the slightest. Has anyone else had similar thoughts.
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LaVieEnRose
Angelic
- Jul 23, 2022
- 4,369
I'm sorry for your loss. How much of a choice are the circumstances that lead you to want to CTB though? Probably not too much.
Huntfish34
Enlightened
- Mar 13, 2020
- 1,619
Wow damnt, i am Very sorry to hear that happened to your close friend. I understand and can relate, lost 6 people in approx 2 months. . (Family / friends ) and Still managed to think about myself during those dark days . Makes me sick to my stomach honestly.
Probably a part of human nature to think of those things during sad / trying events. Who knows?, but I appreciate you sharing this with us. Thoughts and prayers always. - ♥
Probably a part of human nature to think of those things during sad / trying events. Who knows?, but I appreciate you sharing this with us. Thoughts and prayers always. - ♥
I'm sorry you lost your friend on an already difficult holiday.
I totally feel what you are feeling.
The experience I had loosing my best friend in middle school, started my feelings of suicidality. I couldn't handle that just that weekend, we were hanging out. (I was a lonely child and she was my first kindred spirit encounter)
Monday she didn't come to school. She had an asthma attack…and became brain dead. I loved her so much I wanted to join her. I remember telling a girl at school, "I want to die. I want to go with her." Ofc, she thought I was crazy.
Ever since then, I have had suicidality in my heart.
Sorry this became a vent of my experience, and I hope your friend is at peace…especially if she endured a lifelong illness.
aforestfire
"for truly, i am no longer a part of the world."
- Dec 17, 2022
- 88
you're not a horrible person for that, simply because you know that you shouldn't be thinking about yourself. and i do think that this makes you a good friend.
i never experienced the dead of anyone really close to me, but, when i see people around my age dying for various reasons, i feel envious (? maybe). like, the sadness is there, but i think i should be the one dead. it's not the same thing that you're experiencing, of course, but i hope you understand what i mean.
i never experienced the dead of anyone really close to me, but, when i see people around my age dying for various reasons, i feel envious (? maybe). like, the sadness is there, but i think i should be the one dead. it's not the same thing that you're experiencing, of course, but i hope you understand what i mean.
True. Not much choice.
Thanks. I don't have alot of experience with people passing away either. Maybe that's part of the issue.
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wait.what
no really, what?
- Aug 14, 2020
- 994
I recently lost a dear friend after a long illness. He wanted to live so badly, it was agony to watch the end close in on him. I'm actually really bitter for us both. If there were any justice in the world, I would be able to trade my life for his. But there isn't, and I can't.
That sounds very sad. I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. I also would have traded my life for my friends. But as we know, life isn't always fair. Thanks for your post- be well.
