Help My friend might be cutting herself

[PaperCrane]

I took my sister and her friend group to a restaurant the other day and one girl, lets call her J, noticed that H has some sort of scar on the side of her wrist. J asked how she had got it, and H said that she fell into a bush. As someone who used cut on a daily basis, I would always say the exact same thing to my friends when they asked me about the scars on my upper arm. I know firsthand how it bad it feels to just easily lie like that and have nobody question it and I really do want to help her. She's an extremely clumsy person so I regret to say that I've been hesitating because what if she actually did just trip and fall, but the way she explained it didn't really make much sense. She confided in me that she once was experiencing suicidal thoughts two years ago but since then she hasn't really talked about her feelings (she hates emotional situations). I saw two scars on her wrist, like actual scars, it wasn't puffy like a badly healed dermis cut, but by the look of it, you could tell it was a deep cut. Also both scars were parallel to each-other so that's another reason why I'm sure she's cutting herself. I know its hypocritical of me to want to help when I'm in the exact same situation, but I can't pretend like I can't see it anymore. Please give me some advice to confront and help her (she's a minor, until early next year). Please don't give me the shit of talking to a trusted adult because we all know that's impossible sometimes, and there's no way to get her proper mental health due to her parents.

 

[angelblood]

I don't really know her or what she needs. But "confronting" a teenage girl about scars on her body is probably a bad idea. You'd most likely hurt her feelings or damage her self image by mistake. I would avoid drawing negative attention to her cuts. Since you know her, try to think of how she might feel being approached about it. People's feelings and personal needs are all different and understanding them can be really difficult. They're usually not the same as how we would feel ourselves. It might be better just being nice and giving her a space to talk if she decides to open up. Also cutting might not be suicidal even if the person gets suicidal thoughts. But again there's no way I could possibly know her situation or what's best for her. Just be considerate and mindful of her feelings if you end up talking about it.

 

[HollowErrand]

I would look at the facts and then decide whether leaning on those makes you more comfortable with starting the conversation with H.

Namely, that non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI) is recognized as a specific condition by the American Psychiatric Association, and has a corresponding diagnostic code in the DSM-5-TR so it can be used for clinical documentation. Although, by definition, NSSI presumes this intentional self-harm behavior is NOT done with an intent to die, it IS a serious indicator of emotional distress, and is not to be taken lightly (clearly...that's why it has a diagnostic code).

From what I know, (including personal experience dating back to teenage years , re-appearing in my twenties, and even urges now in my early thirties), NSSI is ultimately a (complex, yet still) *coping mechanism* for most.

I hope looking at the behavior through this lens gives you the confidence to bring it up with H, knowing your words can actually feel validating, your concern justified, and hopefully your support welcomed. Your first sentence or two can state the facts, followed by the implied recommendation to reach out for professional support. And if H is receptive, point her to a few resources. And needless to say, gentle tone, appropriate body language, etc.

Hope this helps. And all the best to H, the friends, and you <3

 

[NonBinaryPiano]

Id say evaluate the situation more, and approach her saying something like "whatever youre going through i support you"

Sometimes even something small like that can help instead of confrontation

 

[literallynoone]

I was in a similar situation once and I did nothing about it because I didn't know what to. I still feel bad about that

Id say evaluate the situation more, and approach her saying something like "whatever youre going through i support you"

Sometimes even something small like that can help instead of confrontation

Yeah it's never good to come at it full force, feels really judgemental