Venting My friend is sad because of my low sex drive

[SplitInfrastructure]

first of all, I explained her that its because of my medicine and she knows about my past sexual encounters that didnt go well
Last night I just started crying a lot, we were watching a series and I suddenly realized that nothing is around here anymore, that its a new city and I dont know where anything is or really anyone besides her and her family, my eyes burned so bad afterwards that I just wanted to finish the episode and go to sleep
when we got to the bed I asked if we can move trying out our new equipment for tommorow because of the crying and me still being shaky, she said its fine but I always see her face drop whenever I decline and then she asks me if I dont find her attractive, which I do. I just rarely feel like having sex and cant climax easily if I dont want it, so I usually just get her done and thats it, I dont mind it but sometimes I dont even want to do that because of stress
I told her I can do it anyway for her if she wants, I told her I can stop taking meds but she gets angry at this and tells me to take them
but I just dont know what do to, forcing myself wont end well, hiding meds on the side wont either, I just feel like I should avoid saying no because ill hurt her, which I shouldnt do for the sake of my own sanity, are there any ways to help with low sex drives? Maybe I should start looking around to get a hormone therapy because I heard it makes you unbelievably horny and I wanted to do it anyway since I have to at least try to get HRT before my country bans

 

[BornHated]

I'm going to try approaching this with my own points of view, and I really hope they don't make you too uncomfortable or probe-y, but there's some details here that make me so uncomfortable.

The hormone/libido part: Take it from someone who does go through major hormone changes and influences- It may not magically make it easier for you to do all that. Your libido is one thing but your orientation will be the same. Also, keep in mind your mental state will affect what you feel like doing anyways. You've been crying, live in a new city and are mentioning a bunch of these MAJOR stressors. It's normal for your libido to decrease in these situations. When you're that stressed you don't usually feel up to it. ATM I'd focus more on finding emotional balance as you plan next moves, the rest will follow naturally.

More importantly- You are describing a situation that seems extremely servile to me, and that worries me. You moved with this person under her and her family's care. You seem quite vulnerable right now and possibly hasn't had time/opportunity to develop healthy boundaries as I sense you aren't protected by natal family.
It feels like you want to trade sex for whatever favor it seems she/her family are doing for you (apparently housing you) and that's just... Bad if you aren't naturally into that sort of thing. Even if you were, it's a pretty flimsy setup to begin with. What happens if she loses interest in you? (It's also morally dubious for anyone to be wanting that exchange from you in your situation! Red flag IMHO!!!)

I can understand wanting to feel gratitude and doing what you can to please her, but this situation is more likely to cause resentment from either or both of you long-term. Cases of different compatibility like that are usually more trouble than they're worth and mentally hurt you both long term.
Maybe you can offer your gratitude or coexistence by serving in a different way. Idk, picking up a bit more on household chores in the meantime, finding employment/etc to pay portions of living expenses... Possibly able to find new roommates in an area you're more comfortable.

 

[SplitInfrastructure]

I'm going to try approaching this with my own points of view, and I really hope they don't make you too uncomfortable or probe-y, but there's some details here that make me so uncomfortable.

The hormone/libido part: Take it from someone who does go through major hormone changes and influences- It may not magically make it easier for you to do all that. Your libido is one thing but your orientation will be the same. Also, keep in mind your mental state will affect what you feel like doing anyways. You've been crying, live in a new city and are mentioning a bunch of these MAJOR stressors. It's normal for your libido to decrease in these situations. When you're that stressed you don't usually feel up to it. ATM I'd focus more on finding emotional balance as you plan next moves, the rest will follow naturally.

More importantly- You are describing a situation that seems extremely servile to me, and that worries me. You moved with this person under her and her family's care. You seem quite vulnerable right now and possibly hasn't had time/opportunity to develop healthy boundaries as I sense you aren't protected by natal family.
It feels like you want to trade sex for whatever favor it seems she/her family are doing for you (apparently housing you) and that's just... Bad if you aren't naturally into that sort of thing. Even if you were, it's a pretty flimsy setup to begin with. What happens if she loses interest in you? (It's also morally dubious for anyone to be wanting that exchange from you in your situation! Red flag IMHO!!!)

I can understand wanting to feel gratitude and doing what you can to please her, but this situation is more likely to cause resentment from either or both of you long-term. Cases of different compatibility like that are usually more trouble than they're worth and mentally hurt you both long term.
Maybe you can offer your gratitude or coexistence by serving in a different way. Idk, picking up a bit more on household chores in the meantime, finding employment/etc to pay portions of living expenses... Possibly able to find new roommates in an area you're more comfortable.

Weve had time before to set boundaries up when living at each others houses as much as we could, sometimes even going up to 3 months, but I just cant stand her going sad because I refused
Im looking for a job right now, Ill be chipping in to the house when I find one and thats what was agreed before, sadly though, due to some problems with my status as jobless Ill have to take care of that thing first so I wont have any issues from the job office

I do wanna please her, I always did but it just feels off that she always said that I dont have to if I dont want to but will question me if I like her after I decline 9nce in two weeks or so

 

[BornHated]

Weve had time before to set boundaries up when living at each others houses as much as we could, sometimes even going up to 3 months, but I just cant stand her going sad because I refused
Im looking for a job right now, Ill be chipping in to the house when I find one and thats what was agreed before, sadly though, due to some problems with my status as jobless Ill have to take care of that thing first so I wont have any issues from the job office

I do wanna please her, I always did but it just feels off that she always said that I dont have to if I dont want to but will question me if I like her after I decline 9nce in two weeks or so

I mean... Yeah, that's the problem. You can't force primary emotions you both are aware of it, but that knowledge won't magically cure either of you. This sort of thing often wears down the self-esteem of both parties, though in different ways. It's hard to manage long-term and I don't actually have much better advice, so that sort of thing may be best for a relationship counselor.

My other thing to watch out for is that if it keeps up it could lead to real resentment. It's possible she subconsciously wants to be more than just friends with you but hasn't openly come to terms with it. That can get bad real fast.
I wish you the best. Whatever you're going through sounds dicey, I hope everything resolves for the better in the end.

 

[SplitInfrastructure]

I mean... Yeah, that's the problem. You can't force primary emotions you both are aware of it, but that knowledge won't magically cure either of you. This sort of thing often wears down the self-esteem of both parties, though in different ways. It's hard to manage long-term and I don't actually have much better advice, so that sort of thing may be best for a relationship counselor.

My other thing to watch out for is that if it keeps up it could lead to real resentment. It's possible she subconsciously wants to be more than just friends with you but hasn't openly come to terms with it. That can get bad real fast.
I wish you the best. Whatever you're going through sounds dicey, I hope everything resolves for the better in the end.

We managed to talk it out yesterday, thankfully. I dont know if she wants to be more than friends, we already talked about not wanting a serious relationship as it just puts it all on a different spot thats just way more stressful than FWB situation, we pretty much are dating but without the status really

I can also see what that this situation can lead to but I just hope that once the stress of moving houses wears off we will find our peace, I guess we both react to stress differently

Ive been sleeping more peacefully lately as well, its just nice to have her next to me