Help My friend is buying me a gun and I'm scared of myself.

[phantomisgone]

Hey everyone,
It's been three years since my suicide attempt, and I've been slowly getting better. I graduated college, got a job, and have been working on building my life as an adult. I'm not where I want to be yet, but I know it's a journey.

When I was hospitalized, one of my closest friends — someone I've known since high school — stood by me through everything. We still hang out all the time, and I really value our friendship. He has a military background and knows a lot about weapons, guns, and ammo. He's taken me to the shooting range several times, and I've gone along and tried it too.

Recently, though, he told me he wants to buy me a gun for Christmas. At first, I thought he was joking, but he's been taking me to the range more often, asking what I like, and even putting money down for it.

The thing is… I'm scared of having that kind of power. When I made my attempt, it was with SN. Back then, just having it in my room made me feel "safe" in a weird way — like I had a way out if I needed it. I don't have it anymore because the police confiscated it.

But a gun feels different. It's too quick. One second and it would all be over. Honestly, from what the hospital told me, I'm lucky to even be here right now.

I'm just scared of having something like that in my room again. I don't know how to tell my friend how I feel without making him worry that I'm suicidal again. I don't want to put that kind of stress or guilt on him, especially if something were to happen.

I just don't know what to say or do. I can't talk to him about this nor anyone in real life.

 

[trying ungracefully]

I'm sorry you're in this position, it should be known not to give a person who is/was suicidal at any point a gun, it should be their choice. Let him know though that you aren't a risk to yourself at the moment but with how you know yourself you know you cannot be trusted around a gun. You can keep it very simple and tell him how it's very common for people with mental illness not to be able to have a gun even if they aren't suicidal at the moment.

If you do get it take it to your local law enforcement right away if you can. I know by me they will take in guns at least and its no questions asked. Guns are expensive but your safety is more important than $500.

 

[phantomisgone]

I'm sorry you're in this position, it should be known not to give a person who is/was suicidal at any point a gun, it should be their choice. Let him know though that you aren't a risk to yourself at the moment but with how you know yourself you know you cannot be trusted around a gun. You can keep it very simple and tell him how it's very common for people with mental illness not to be able to have a gun even if they aren't suicidal at the moment.

If you do get it take it to your local law enforcement right away if you can. I know by me they will take in guns at least and its no questions asked. Guns are expensive but your safety is more important than $500.

I don't want to frighten him though.

 

[Redacted24]

Hey, you know yourself best. And that's terrific!

I enjoy shooting, myself. I've won small contests.

But on a bad day I might impulsively shoot myself.

So I don't keep a firearm anywhere near me.
And even when I'm at the range I can be anxious about impulsivity.

Your friend means well, and it's clear that they care about you. That means - all of you. Including your scars. If they care that much, maybe leveling with them would be the best gift you can give them...and maybe they'll be happy to keep the firearm safely tucked in their gun cabinet for you and bring it to the range when you both go?

I would love to have a friend like that in my life!
And clearly they think a lot of you too, and enjoy being around you.
Just a thought...

 

[Seneca65AD]

If you do get it take it to your local law enforcement right away if you can. I know by me they will take in guns at least and its no questions asked. Guns are expensive but your safety is more important than $500.

Excellent advice! Also being able to recognize potential issues with having a firearm in the home is a nice job by the OP. You could just simply say thanks for the thoughtful gesture and turn it down - citing other people potentially having access to it, etc.

 

[martyrdom]

No matter how well you are right now, it's inconsiderate and thoughtless to get someone a gun when they have attempted suicide (which doesn't make him a bad friend, all of us have been inconsiderate and thoughtless sometimes). If I were you, I'd tell him I'm no longer suicidal, I'm doing well, but given my history, I'm concerned about what might happen if I ever get to a point where I'm not well anymore. It doesn't make much sense for it to scare him; if you were actively suicidal right now, you wouldn't be turning down the gift or looking out for your well being.

 

[phantomisgone]

No matter how well you are right now, it's inconsiderate and thoughtless to get someone a gun when they have attempted suicide (which doesn't make him a bad friend, all of us have been inconsiderate and thoughtless sometimes). If I were you, I'd tell him I'm no longer suicidal, I'm doing well, but given my history, I'm concerned about what might happen if I ever get to a point where I'm not well anymore. It doesn't make much sense for it to scare him; if you were actively suicidal right now, you wouldn't be turning down the gift or looking out for your well being.

Thank you for this. However, he bought me the gun anyway and I couldn't tell him how I felt. I made an update post about this.

 

[martyrdom]

Thank you for this. However, he bought me the gun anyway and I couldn't tell him how I felt. I made an update post about this.

How about asking him to keep it for you, as others have suggested?

 

[phantomisgone]

How about asking him to keep it for you, as others have suggested?

He would ask why and I would have to explain myself. I don't want to cause a scene or bring up the fiasco that happened years ago.

 

[martyrdom]

He would ask why and I would have to explain myself. I don't want to cause a scene or bring up the fiasco that happened years ago.

There's nothing wrong with you looking out for yourself and taking care of your mental health and it's not "causing a scene". If he is such a close friend and he has been with you through your struggles, wouldn't he understand? This is you being proactive about ensuring you're safe now and in the future, the opposite of being suicidal.

 

[phantomisgone]

There's nothing wrong with you looking out for yourself and taking care of your mental health and it's not "causing a scene". If he is such a close friend and he has been with you through your struggles, wouldn't he understand? This is you being proactive about ensuring you're safe now and in the future, the opposite of being suicidal.

I suppose you're right. He lives about 1.5hrs away from me and it would be an inconvenience for him but maybe he would understand. It's still hard to bring up this conversation with him.

Here's the link to my latest post that just explains my thoughts if you wanted to read it:

He Gave Me a Gun. I Don’t Know What to Do With It.

Hey everyone, In five days, it'll mark three years since my suicide attempt (there's more about it in my post history). A lot has changed since then. I graduated college, got a job, and started piecing together the kind of life I thought I wanted. But honestly, I'm still not where I want to...

sanctioned-suicide.net