Venting my friend is a selfish prolifer

[maidens]

I wanna start this off by saying I don't hate my friend at all, aside from this they're a very good person that I am close with & they are super fun to talk to. I just have to get this off my chest.

whenever I vent to them they suggest really delusional solutions just to not get me to ctb because "they don't want me to." literally word for word a sentence they said to me was "Because I don't want you to kill yourself," also literally just "Don't." ??

last time I vented to them was about something non-ctb related that seemed stupid but was genuinely affecting me & something that I still get really sad over from time to time. they said one sentence that seemed sarcastic & very uncaring... I'm not venting to them again.

looking back pretty much all their replies were just minimizing my suffering and trying to get me to not ctb for them. I don't understand how people can be like this sigh

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yeah, I think sometimes we just realise that people are making things worse for us. Not that it's their fault necessarily or ours. But yeah, I've made the same decision with a friend. The responses I got tended to vary. Sometimes they were sympathetic but other times, they were these hair brained suggestions that they wouldn't do in a million years. So, I just made a decision to stop talking about worries with them.

 

[doggiesarecute]

non-suicidal person will never understand suicidal one

 

[maidens]

non-suicidal person will never understand suicidal one

they have attempted to ctb before, several months ago though

 

[Peerless_Cucumber]

When I was talking to a friend about my stay in the Psychiatry she said that she doesn't want me to continue talking because she doesn't know what to answer. I didn't even care what she had to say I just wanted to vent. Some people are really bad with these kinds of things and don't know what to say that'll accurately bring their feelings across without sounding selfish. I'm sorry your friend reacted like this.

 

[vesisika]

I had a suicidal friend who vented me about her ed, depression, sh and suicidal ideation. I loved her, still do. And it was very exhausting to listen to her venting about ctb or sh bc it was really bad and continuous. I'm mentally ill as well so listening about ctb plans and stuff week after week made me really sick bc I loved her. I was many times out of words and didn't know what to do or what to say. It was often too much for me and being the comforting friend can be really hard. So not knowing much about the situation pls remember that is not easy to be in their shoes either.

 

[maidens]

I had a suicidal friend who vented me about her ed, depression, sh and suicidal ideation. I loved her, still do. And it was very exhausting to listen to her venting about ctb or sh bc it was really bad and continuous. I'm mentally ill as well so listening about ctb plans and stuff week after week made me really sick bc I loved her. I was many times out of words and didn't know what to do or what to say. It was often too much for me and being the comforting friend can be really hard. So not knowing much about the situation pls remember that is not easy to be in their shoes either.

I'm very sorry this happened to you, I've been through similar & it is hell. I hope you're no longer in this situation. but I didn't vent to them often at all & didn't share ctb plans or anything, most of the times I vented to them they dmed me first or told me to dm them, so,, I understand what you're trying to say though!

 

[doggiesarecute]

they have attempted to ctb before, several months ago though

feels like she's trying to be fake happy at least for herself

 

[Peerless_Cucumber]

they have attempted to ctb before, several months ago though

My ex asked me if I were interested in a double suicide with him. We broke it off when he wanted me to persuade him to go to the psychiatry at 2 in the morning. I was traumatized in there. This place goes against everything I believe in. I'm of the opinion that suicide is a human right that people should be able to execute if they want. Locking people up in an institution to prevent that is something I don't want to support. Ever. If he wants to get better that's fine but he shouldn't expect me to persuade him to go there. He was prolife in the end. I thought he'd understand me because he claimed to also be suicidal but I was wrong. It sucked. Especially because I thought I had finally found someone who gets me. Was it a similar experience with your friend?

 

[maidens]

feels like she's trying to be fake happy at least for herself

he is a trans male,, sorry, I know you didn't know it just.

My ex asked me if I were interested in a double suicide with him. We broke it off when he wanted me to persuade him to go to the psychiatry at 2 in the morning. I was traumatized in there. This place goes against everything I believe in. I'm of the opinion that suicide is a human right that people should be able to execute if they want. Locking people up in an institution to prevent that is something I don't want to support. Ever. If he wants to get better that's fine but he shouldn't expect me to persuade him to go there. He was prolife in the end. I thought he'd understand me because he claimed to also be suicidal but I was wrong. It sucked. Especially because I thought I had finally found someone who gets me. Was it a similar experience with your friend?

I don't think so, but I'm really sorry this happened to you, I hope you don't ever have to go to a place like that again & that if you haven't already, that you find someone that actually gets you.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

What do you expect from your friend if they r not suicidal? When it's your dearest friend and even you had terminal illness they would not want u to die. That's pretty much human and it's how we actually work when we gonna "lose" someone loved by us. Obviously he cannot directly "support" you when u plan to ctb. I'm sorry you situation is tough. It's really difficult and there's always someone who has to suffer when it comes to this.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

non-suicidal person will never understand suicidal one

And that'll always be the problem

 

[maidens]

What do you expect from your friend if they r not suicidal? When it's your dearest friend and even you had terminal illness they would not want u to die. That's pretty much human and it's how we actually work when we gonna "lose" someone loved by us. Obviously he cannot directly "support" you when u plan to ctb. I'm sorry you situation is tough. It's really difficult and there's always someone who has to suffer when it comes to this.

I'm pretty sure they are suicidal, at least to an extent, but I get what you mean, thank you. I completely get them not wanting me to die, I don't want any of my friends to die & the majority of them are suicidal but if they do decide to ctb I'll respect that. it just gets very irritating when all the "solutions" he gives me are very unrealistic & him seeming uncaring when I vented to him about anything else. it just seems like he wants me to keep suffering just for him.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

it just seems like he wants me to keep suffering just for him.

We (suicidal people) see that this way but actually it's human that we do not want to experience a loss of any kind and especially not the loss of family members/loved ones. It's truly a difficult and almost unsolvable problem.

 

[UKscotty]

A normal person will never and can never understand us, it's not even worth trying.

Only a depressed person can understand the desire to CTB and end the pain.

 

[Captive_Mind515]

A normal person will never and can never understand us, it's not even worth trying.

Only a depressed person can understand the desire to CTB and end the pain.

I don't think you need to be depressed to be suicidal…

But I do think you need to have experienced suicidal thoughts to truly "get it" with another person. Or you have to at least have considered or contemplated your own mortality in some deep way.

Otherwise it's going to feel pretty alien to you.

 

[333s]

non-suicidal person will never understand suicidal one

A normal person will never and can never understand us, it's not even worth trying.

Only a depressed person can understand the desire to CTB and end the pain.

i'd said that its not necessarily that two suicidal persons will understand each other
people are impulsive, egoistic & nonsensical mostly so one need to put special effort for understanding the situation of another and connecting to it mentally. and i still couldn't call it "full understanding". it's difficult and i rarely see it happening bc human life is mess

i'm sorry that you feel disconnected with your friend about things you care about the most

 

[UKscotty]

I don't think you need to be depressed to be suicidal…

But I do think you need to have experienced suicidal thoughts to truly "get it" with another person. Or you have to at least have considered or contemplated your own mortality in some deep way.

Otherwise it's going to feel pretty alien to you.

Being suicidal is a symptom of depression though.. non depressed people don't feel suicidal

 

[Captive_Mind515]

Being suicidal is a symptom of depression though.. non depressed people don't feel suicidal

But it's not exclusive to depression.

There's plenty of people who want to ctb, who are not depressed.

 

[FuneralCry]

That individual sounds very insensitive to me, I cannot stand pro-lifers who just invalidate the suffering of others and won't even try to understand, I get why you'd be so frustrated.

 

[Malaria]

When I've expressed my ideation, I've had friends tell me that suicide is the "coward's way out" and things like that. I love my friends, but saying stuff like that hurts my feelings. In my opinion, it's not cowardly at all to want to end your suffering, especially because you have to get over SI and the like.

That's pretty much why I joined this forum. I don't want to be called a coward and feel judged over my ideation. I also don't want to burden them with my problems. I just want to vent and have someone be empathetic and compassionate to me, which is what anyone suffering from suicidal ideation wants.

 

[cryone]

honestly, i feel a bit of empathy for your friend. im j gonna provide this perspective that i think is worth considering. at first i sided w/ you, but when you said that they had attempted suicide recently, it kind of changed everything.

it sounds like you're venting to them w/o fully considering their consent n burdens ur placing on them. ranting to a post-suicidal person who isn't reciprocating ur emotions likely indicates that they'd prefer not to talk abt it n are trying to move on. even if you are technically asking if they're fine with venting, it doesn't mean ur truly being considerate of their thoughts n feelings.

i remember back a few yrs ago this person would always vent to me abt being suicidal n it was always one sided. at the time i was trying to heal n their unsolicited venting was almost unbearable. it heightened my suicide ideation a lot. i never told them i didn't like the vents b/c im 99% sure they would've thought something along the lines of "wtf, im the one w severe suicide ideation how the hell is this worse for you" n been very attacking + judgemental. so instead I just responded dry. kind of just like what ur friend is doing. this n also the fact that i had no clue what to say. i felt as if i had to tell them to live. i understand i could've handled it better now that it happened, but i didn't have any bad intentions. i was j felt overwhelmed with fears.

its often overlooked how venting can hurt the responder. it also kind of sounds that you think ur doing your friend a favor, instead of vice versa. not necessarily ofc, but j the part abt " I'm not venting to them again" gave that vibe off.

it just sounds very one-sided b/c i have doubts ur rly considering how they're feeling, especially with the knowledge that they have previously been suicidal. it just doesn't make sense that when given a genuine choice to accept or reject a vent they'd choose to accept and respond with a singular word. i also feel that they're afraid to say no when you easily call them out for being "a selfish prolifer."

overall, id recommend just talking it out. seems like there are too many misconceptions. i wouldn't call them out as selfish or a prolifer off the bat.

btw, this reply is j based on assumptions from experience. lmk if im wrong, but i didn't want to bombard you with questions.

 

[ObssessedEirika]

It honestly sounds like the person doesn't know what to do. I won't excuse what they said to you as that doesn't help, yet I feel as if they really care for you and don't know what to say. I believe it's just desperation speaking for them. I wouldn't suggest venting to them since it seems as it isn't helping you. If you don't have anyone else to vent to, you can always vent on here. It may help you more since the people on here have been through similar experiences. Anyways as other people have suggested, I think communication with the person is very necessary here.

 

[maidens]

it sounds like you're venting to them w/o fully considering their consent n burdens ur placing on them. ranting to a post-suicidal person who isn't reciprocating ur emotions likely indicates that they'd prefer not to talk abt it n are trying to move on.

it's okay, thank you for replying. regarding this, I don't usually ask to vent to them, I only asked once or twice, they're usually the one who asks me to vent to them. like when my discord status was set to something negative sometimes they ask me if I'm okay & say if I need to vent then I can, or when I vent in a server we share & they tell me to dm them. I totally get how I could've accidentally worded it to make it sound otherwise, I'm sorry for that.

i also feel that they're afraid to say no when you easily call them out for being "a selfish prolifer."

overall, id recommend just talking it out. seems like there are too many misconceptions. i wouldn't call them out as selfish or a prolifer off the bat.

sorry if I'm misinterpreting the first part but I've never said anything insulting(?) or negative towards them. & like I said they're usually the one who asks me to vent. I'll definitely try properly communicating with them If I build up the courage, thank you so much

 

[cryone]

sorry if I'm misinterpreting the first part but I've never said anything insulting(?) or negative towards them. & like I said they're usually the one who asks me to vent. I'll definitely try properly communicating with them If I build up the courage, thank you so much

mkay! i was making too many assumptions about you, my apologies. thanks for the clarification :) btw, the quote refers to the title of the post.

 

[Peerless_Cucumber]

When I've expressed my ideation, I've had friends tell me that suicide is the "coward's way out" and things like that. I love my friends, but saying stuff like that hurts my feelings. In my opinion, it's not cowardly at all to want to end your suffering, especially because you have to get over SI and the like.

That's pretty much why I joined this forum. I don't want to be called a coward and feel judged over my ideation. I also don't want to burden them with my problems. I just want to vent and have someone be empathetic and compassionate to me, which is what anyone suffering from suicidal ideation wants.

Attempting to ctb is the opposite of cowardice. I'd know. I'm too much of a coward to do it again.