Venting My friend became my worst bully.

[boilingfishcakes]

Title is pretty self explanatory.. I'm posting this here because I have nobody to talk to about this. Sorry for the length. I'll put a tldr at the end

I have autism and it can be hard for me to talk to people and make friends...as well as being able to read people, follow social cues, and talk to others like a normal human being. I was also severely abused all my childhood so I'm skittish and afraid of other people.

My husband is Korean so I moved to South Korea and lived there for a few years. In 2024 we moved back to my home country, America. When I moved back, I had an even harder time trying to fit in and talk to people.. it was so bad that I couldn't go out to eat or talk to the cashier when I was grocery shopping...

So I joined Facebook and joined a few meet up groups. I really pushed myself to go out and talk to people ... even if it was really scary. After some time, I even made friends and we made a group chat on another platform to talk in. So I deleted my fb account. This detail is important for later .

I thought I was doing so good... even my husband said he was proud of me. It felt nice to have people who actually wanted to talk to me. After some time I became friends with another woman and we became very close.

I'll spoiler what started a lot of this since it's pretty long.

Spoiler: Background story of my 'friend' screwing me over

We hung out often, bought each other gifts, and I helped her with some technical issues she was having with her business. She distributes a certain kind of machine and I just happen to have a lot of knowledge on these machines and how to repair them. I also speak Chinese and a lot of the machines she was distributing come from China. So she offered me a job.

So I worked with her for a few months until she got pregnant and started acting really mean. She tried to make me service a machine in a place that apparently had some sort of viral outbreak. I politely asked for PPE and suggested that she also get some since she is pregnant ... I offered to pay for it myself and she freaked out on me and fired me.

She started driving the work vehicle and left me at the train station and it took almost 2 hours for someone to come get me because the last train for that stop already left. It was dark and I was alone until my husband and his friend drive together to get me. I didn't get home until 9 pm..

I went home and blocked her number. Then she sent my husband a barrage of texts insulting me and cursing me out. Saying horrible shit... making fun of my autism, my other disabilities, calling me a stupid bitch who can't hold a job..
This broke my heart so badly. I cried for days and started self harming again.

A week later she had a miscarriage and I dropped everything to help her.

After my husband talked to her gave me a half assed apology and blamed it on being pregnant and me "overwhelming" her and "trying to control her body" for suggesting she wears a mask.
but I was just so desperate to have a friend again, I just let it go..

She started acting super nice to me again and acted like this never happened and started buying me a bunch of stuff that I didn't ask for. Such as a gaming console, food, plushies, etc. It felt weird to accept it but I did it anyway so I didn't upset her.

Since then, I have developed somd health issues that leave me disabled and unable to hold a proper job. I am too sick to leave my house most of the time. It's very embarrassing and I'm ashamed of it. It's one of the many reasons I want to ctb.

Spoiler: What happened yesterday

Well yesterday my "friend" was freaking out in the group chat because someone was scamming her business over and over and she was losing a significant amount of money.

It might be partially my fault because I have autism but I immediately started asking her questions like how did this happen, do you have any information about them, do you have a way to verify their id before they make a purchase, etc. I believe I was pretty polite and tried to make it clear that I'm not blaming her.

I don't really understand why but she snapped at me, told me to shut the fuck up, blocked me, and left the group chat. I was very hurt and very confused...

It gets very bad from here.
A few hours later my husband found a post from her business page on Facebook. I don't have fb anymore and I don't think she expected me to see it.

She wrote a lot of very nasty things about not just me but then he scrolled down and found a particularly bad one.

It was a rant about me and it was full of insults. Saying that I was a bum who can't hold a job but I was tearing her down and made up a lot of things that I never said or did. She mocked my disabilities as well. It was formatted like a LinkedIn post.
I thought it was bad..

Until I scrolled down.
She used AI to generate a picture of me as a cartoon character cutting her neck with a knife . I wish i was joking.

I broke down sobbing. I impulsively went to the roof of my building and looked down. Unfortunately it's not a high enough drop to guarantee killing me.

I cant understand why I'm such an easy target for other people to hurt me to this degree. Especially other women. I genuinely don't hate people based on gender but I've had so many bad experiences.

Growing up I was tormented by other female classmates , my female teachers, female relatives. I don't why other women despise me so much. It feels like they know something is wrong with me and they hate me. I just wish I knew what it was. I just wanted to be friends with everyone and I get nothing but pain and ridicule in return.

I think this might be one of the things that pushes me over the edge for good.

Tl;dr A woman who I thought was my friend did a 180 and kept backstabbing me .... and used ai to generate a cartoon picture of me cutting her neck with a knife.

Thank you for reading, apologies for the length. Im pretty emotional rn

 

[SASU-KE]

You were kind to her and a good friend. You went back multiple times to help her. Some people are irredeemable. It would have been better for you if you had washed your hands off of her the first time. Anyway, she is not a good friend.Please don't reconcile with her.

I hope you end up meeting some good friends who are kind and supportive.

 

[boilingfishcakes]

You were kind to her and a good friend. You went back multiple times to help her. Some people are irredeemable. It would have been better for you if you had washed your hands off of her the first time. Anyway, she is not a good friend.Please don't reconcile with her.

I hope you end up meeting some good friends who are kind and supportive.

Thank you for your kind words.
It still hurts because I tried really hard to be a good friend. Even thought it's not my fault, it's hard for me to stop blaming myself for some reason.

I don't plan on contacting her again , but I hope she gets help before it happens to someone else.

 

[turned_to_one]

sorry but this woman is a user. she is probably not ever aware it is happening, but she tries ti move past her bad behaviour by love bombing you, rather than trying to work on herself to keep her anger outbursts in check.

i'll be plain: this is not a you problem.

if someone slaps you, you'd expect that part of their apology would be to not slap you anymore, right? if she rages at you and treats you poorly, the expectation after her apology is that she stops doing that -or at least tries to improve. it doesn't seem like either of those are the case. she got worse, in fact.

if this kind of treatment from your peers is par for the course, it doesn't mean you do something to merit that. it may mean you tend to gravitate towards people with narcissistic personality disorder, or anger issues. i'd lean towards the former, because she felt guilty enough the first time that she overcompensated with an excuse and love bombing, and then redirected her anger towards you when she was not able to stop hurting you. it's a classic npd reaction to lash out and demonize people you've hurt as a way to avoid feelings of guilt and shame.


this does not mean you aren't worth better treatment, but I think it could be a good opportunity to practice setting boundaries with other people. i struggle with this a lot too, but it's so important to try to do it to protect yourself.

the next time someone hurts you, try enforcing a boundary.

"What you did/said really hurt me, and in order to forgive you, I need to see that you are trying hard to ensure it doesn't happen again.

I understand that you may be having a hard time right now, but that doesn't mean I deserve to be treated this way."

The hardest thing to do is walk away from a relationship that has things that make you happy. I often have to ask myself: "Are the bad part of these relationship worth tolerating for the good parts?"
If the answer isn't "Hell yeah!" then it's a "Hell no!"

It's not your job to put your pain aside for other people's happiness!

 

[boilingfishcakes]

sorry but this woman is a user. she is probably not ever aware it is happening, but she tries ti move past her bad behaviour by love bombing you, rather than trying to work on herself to keep her anger outbursts in check.

i'll be plain: this is not a you problem.

if someone slaps you, you'd expect that part of their apology would be to not slap you anymore, right? if she rages at you and treats you poorly, the expectation after her apology is that she stops doing that -or at least tries to improve. it doesn't seem like either of those are the case. she got worse, in fact.

if this kind of treatment from your peers is par for the course, it doesn't mean you do something to merit that. it may mean you tend to gravitate towards people with narcissistic personality disorder, or anger issues. i'd lean towards the former, because she felt guilty enough the first time that she overcompensated with an excuse and love bombing, and then redirected her anger towards you when she was not able to stop hurting you. it's a classic npd reaction to lash out and demonize people you've hurt as a way to avoid feelings of guilt and shame.


this does not mean you aren't worth better treatment, but I think it could be a good opportunity to practice setting boundaries with other people. i struggle with this a lot too, but it's so important to try to do it to protect yourself.

the next time someone hurts you, try enforcing a boundary.

"What you did/said really hurt me, and in order to forgive you, I need to see that you are trying hard to ensure it doesn't happen again.

I understand that you may be having a hard time right now, but that doesn't mean I deserve to be treated this way."

The hardest thing to do is walk away from a relationship that has things that make you happy. I often have to ask myself: "Are the bad part of these relationship worth tolerating for the good parts?"
If the answer isn't "Hell yeah!" then it's a "Hell no!"

It's not your job to put your pain aside for other people's happiness!

Sorry for the late reply but thank you so much for your kind words. <3 I do think that you are right, I have a tendency to gravitate towards people with more narcissistic traits. Enforcing boundaries is very hard for me, as I am very conflict avoidant. I really appreciate your advices! Thank you!

sorry but this woman is a user. she is probably not ever aware it is happening, but she tries ti move past her bad behaviour by love bombing you, rather than trying to work on herself to keep her anger outbursts in check.

i'll be plain: this is not a you problem.

if someone slaps you, you'd expect that part of their apology would be to not slap you anymore, right? if she rages at you and treats you poorly, the expectation after her apology is that she stops doing that -or at least tries to improve. it doesn't seem like either of those are the case. she got worse, in fact.

if this kind of treatment from your peers is par for the course, it doesn't mean you do something to merit that. it may mean you tend to gravitate towards people with narcissistic personality disorder, or anger issues. i'd lean towards the former, because she felt guilty enough the first time that she overcompensated with an excuse and love bombing, and then redirected her anger towards you when she was not able to stop hurting you. it's a classic npd reaction to lash out and demonize people you've hurt as a way to avoid feelings of guilt and shame.


this does not mean you aren't worth better treatment, but I think it could be a good opportunity to practice setting boundaries with other people. i struggle with this a lot too, but it's so important to try to do it to protect yourself.

the next time someone hurts you, try enforcing a boundary.

"What you did/said really hurt me, and in order to forgive you, I need to see that you are trying hard to ensure it doesn't happen again.

I understand that you may be having a hard time right now, but that doesn't mean I deserve to be treated this way."

The hardest thing to do is walk away from a relationship that has things that make you happy. I often have to ask myself: "Are the bad part of these relationship worth tolerating for the good parts?"
If the answer isn't "Hell yeah!" then it's a "Hell no!"

It's not your job to put your pain aside for other people's happiness!

Sorry for the late reply but thank you so much for your kind words. <3 I do think that you are right, I have a tendency to gravitate towards people with more narcissistic traits. Enforcing boundaries is very hard for me, as I am very conflict avoidant. I really appreciate your advices! Thank you!

 

[thekop85]

The "Bungeoppang" on your profile is so cute.
Maybe you really enjoyed Bungeoppang in Korea. And 오뎅 too.
It breaks my heart to think that someone as pure and kind as you
has had to go through all these painful experiences.
It's really hard because, regardless of how I feel, people in this world can be indifferent or cruel toward me.
I don't know if this will give you strength, but please know that here in Korea, where you once lived,
there is someone who empathizes with you.
I hope your life finds peace.

 

[foreverfalling]

This is a terrible thing to have happened to you. I know these things may weigh heavily on your mind for a long time. Please continue to be the kind and caring person you are. But at the same time, take this as a reminder to also be kind and caring to yourself. You also deserve to be treated right. It's impossible to make everyone else happy all the time. And many times like this, it's not even your fault.

 

[deadanddecomposing]

God, she sounds horrible. I'm so sorry you had to go through that

 

[fadedghost]

Title is pretty self explanatory.. I'm posting this here because I have nobody to talk to about this. Sorry for the length. I'll put a tldr at the end

I have autism and it can be hard for me to talk to people and make friends...as well as being able to read people, follow social cues, and talk to others like a normal human being. I was also severely abused all my childhood so I'm skittish and afraid of other people.

My husband is Korean so I moved to South Korea and lived there for a few years. In 2024 we moved back to my home country, America. When I moved back, I had an even harder time trying to fit in and talk to people.. it was so bad that I couldn't go out to eat or talk to the cashier when I was grocery shopping...

So I joined Facebook and joined a few meet up groups. I really pushed myself to go out and talk to people ... even if it was really scary. After some time, I even made friends and we made a group chat on another platform to talk in. So I deleted my fb account. This detail is important for later .

I thought I was doing so good... even my husband said he was proud of me. It felt nice to have people who actually wanted to talk to me. After some time I became friends with another woman and we became very close.

I'll spoiler what started a lot of this since it's pretty long.

Spoiler: Background story of my 'friend' screwing me over

We hung out often, bought each other gifts, and I helped her with some technical issues she was having with her business. She distributes a certain kind of machine and I just happen to have a lot of knowledge on these machines and how to repair them. I also speak Chinese and a lot of the machines she was distributing come from China. So she offered me a job.

So I worked with her for a few months until she got pregnant and started acting really mean. She tried to make me service a machine in a place that apparently had some sort of viral outbreak. I politely asked for PPE and suggested that she also get some since she is pregnant ... I offered to pay for it myself and she freaked out on me and fired me.

She started driving the work vehicle and left me at the train station and it took almost 2 hours for someone to come get me because the last train for that stop already left. It was dark and I was alone until my husband and his friend drive together to get me. I didn't get home until 9 pm..

I went home and blocked her number. Then she sent my husband a barrage of texts insulting me and cursing me out. Saying horrible shit... making fun of my autism, my other disabilities, calling me a stupid bitch who can't hold a job..
This broke my heart so badly. I cried for days and started self harming again.

A week later she had a miscarriage and I dropped everything to help her.

After my husband talked to her gave me a half assed apology and blamed it on being pregnant and me "overwhelming" her and "trying to control her body" for suggesting she wears a mask.
but I was just so desperate to have a friend again, I just let it go..

She started acting super nice to me again and acted like this never happened and started buying me a bunch of stuff that I didn't ask for. Such as a gaming console, food, plushies, etc. It felt weird to accept it but I did it anyway so I didn't upset her.

Since then, I have developed somd health issues that leave me disabled and unable to hold a proper job. I am too sick to leave my house most of the time. It's very embarrassing and I'm ashamed of it. It's one of the many reasons I want to ctb.

Spoiler: What happened yesterday

Well yesterday my "friend" was freaking out in the group chat because someone was scamming her business over and over and she was losing a significant amount of money.

It might be partially my fault because I have autism but I immediately started asking her questions like how did this happen, do you have any information about them, do you have a way to verify their id before they make a purchase, etc. I believe I was pretty polite and tried to make it clear that I'm not blaming her.

I don't really understand why but she snapped at me, told me to shut the fuck up, blocked me, and left the group chat. I was very hurt and very confused...

It gets very bad from here.
A few hours later my husband found a post from her business page on Facebook. I don't have fb anymore and I don't think she expected me to see it.

She wrote a lot of very nasty things about not just me but then he scrolled down and found a particularly bad one.

It was a rant about me and it was full of insults. Saying that I was a bum who can't hold a job but I was tearing her down and made up a lot of things that I never said or did. She mocked my disabilities as well. It was formatted like a LinkedIn post.
I thought it was bad..

Until I scrolled down.
She used AI to generate a picture of me as a cartoon character cutting her neck with a knife . I wish i was joking.

I broke down sobbing. I impulsively went to the roof of my building and looked down. Unfortunately it's not a high enough drop to guarantee killing me.

I cant understand why I'm such an easy target for other people to hurt me to this degree. Especially other women. I genuinely don't hate people based on gender but I've had so many bad experiences.

Growing up I was tormented by other female classmates , my female teachers, female relatives. I don't why other women despise me so much. It feels like they know something is wrong with me and they hate me. I just wish I knew what it was. I just wanted to be friends with everyone and I get nothing but pain and ridicule in return.

I think this might be one of the things that pushes me over the edge for good.

Tl;dr A woman who I thought was my friend did a 180 and kept backstabbing me .... and used ai to generate a cartoon picture of me cutting her neck with a knife.

Thank you for reading, apologies for the length. Im pretty emotional rn

So a few things about this...

You have autism... so autistic people don't understand different things about socializing.

1. Some people are terrible assholes and status climbers. They will befriend you and if you are low-social-status (ie, socially awkward, not super popular, not having something they want), they will expect you to take a lot of shit so they will be willing to stick around, knowing full well of your low-social-status.

You absolutely have to drop people like that right away, forever, the second they show you they are willing to give you disrespect. The people who are going to be disrespectful to you because you are different, and there are a ton of people like this, maybe even more than 50% of people, maybe even more than 75%, you have to just drop them right away. It sucks because maybe you spend weeks or months befriending someone, liking them, getting attached, and when they do something awful and disrespectful, and it's not just a simple accident, it's so easy to make excuses and ignore reality because no one wants reality to be so cruel and people to be so shitty and evil, but they are, and you have to drop those shit people to make room for new better nicer people who don't suck.

2. People who are assholes hate feeling like they are slighted by someone socially beneath them, and sometimes just blocking someone or doing something without explanation can feel worse than an insult. You have the right to ghost and block, but being direct in a polite way, like saying "I understand you fired me and so it probably doesn't make sense for us to be friends anymore. I wish you the best of luck with your business" helps.

I have seen autistic people not be direct with their communication, and sometimes because autistic people already misinterpret social situations, the lack of directness makes things more difficult. And the lack of normal social politeness can be make a situation worse, even if it shouldn't be something that's owed to people who are being offensive.

I get why you blocked this person, I am just saying it's something to be aware of. You have to determine when someone needs more information about emotions and what you are thinking, and when they don't. People who are cool usually don't mind inquiring about emotions and interpersonal relations: "Hey, I was really busy the past 3 weeks. I hope it didn't offend you. You weren't upset were you?" It's better not to guess.

You also have to determine when someone is just being a piece of shit because they know you aren't a social butterfly and of high social standing and they think they can relegate you to a position where you take shit. This woman that hurt you is a fucking bitch. Fuck her. Just for next time, the second someone is that awful, you move on and never look back.

But you cannot re-friend a piece of shit like this, because what happens is someone like that will have some issue where they can use you, and they will come back, and try to be nice to use you again.

People can perform acting to conceal that they are shit. They are still shit. People usually don't accidentally do incredibly asshole shit things.

3. We have no idea what is going on with this awful woman. She miscarried her baby, so it's entirely possible she's an alcoholic or drug addict. It's hard for normal people to know when someone is a very good addict, because addicts are great at hiding their shit. But autistic people have no change of detecting addiction because a lot of times addiction shows up in how people behave socially.

Autistic people want to presume the world being logical and people being good-natured because that's what would make sense. But social interactions are complex and people lie all the damn time because many people are self-serving horrible assholes. When you are socially awkward and of lower social standing (because of having fewer friends or whatever the reason), the sad reality is you have to endure more of these shitty people, who befriend you only to relegate you to disrespect, and then it requires ridding yourself of these assholes more frequently. It's more disappointment, and it's a pain, but there's no way to know someone is a piece of shit until they do something weird and shitty that makes no fucking sense, that no decent person would do.

4. If she made up all these lies about you on Facebook, you should sue her in small claims court. In fact, you probably should have sued her over wrongful termination. Lawsuits are the enemy of shitty people like this because it creates a public record that they are shit.

5. Please learn to screen capture insults or horrible things right away. Bullies only respect pain and suffering when it's hurled back at them.

6. You should report her to Facebook for harassment. Facebook may ban this person, which would be terrible and destructive for her business. Facebook will have records of this. Encouraging a member to commit suicide after harassing them, especially a member of Facebook with autism, is deplorable, and she should be banned.

7. You can also post on your Facebook about what happened. Ask people to not do business with her, post it in Chinese, make it searchable. Write on a review site how she treated someone who is Asian and how disrespectful and cruel she was. Because you're autistic, vengeance will not feel as good as it would for a normal person, because all this bullshit must seem illogical to you, but you'll feel better for doing it.

Also, fuck this evil cunt. I'm glad her baby died. I hope she cried after! Fuck this bitch. And yes, she is probably a drunk and you don't know it. Fuck these mean piece of shit people who are everywhere. Don't let this bitch upset you. Fuck her, it's her who is broken, not you. Let her keep drinking and kill her next baby too, fucking bitch.