Story My first therapy session.

[i dont feel real.]

Hi guys. Just wanna talk about my first therapy because I don't have my diary here, even if I know nobody cares. Well. Results today it was. I finally did therapy. And well, it wasn't so cool. The story goes like this:
Yesterday i messaged my mom (I don't live with her anymore) telling her about my feelings. Truth is that I really want to CTB, i don't see sense in life anymore, and i hate pretty much everything (specially myself) and well. She took me to therapy, I obviously tell her that it was my decision to do it or not, but as I suspected, she told me that no, that she will do nothing without me and she would stop talking to me if i didn't accepted. I had to agree. When to therapy, talked with me, with my mom, and then. Surprise! Now I have to go to live with her for at least a week. Take pills for sleeping and in the future anti depressives, and have a full not only body but also room inspection to make sure that I don't have a shotgun to blow my brains off or a knife shoved in my ass to cut myself. That sucks, but well, it is what it is. At least I hope it works, I really want that. Btw, sorry about my grammar, I'm not a native English speaker.

 

[Redleaf1992]

You did somthing really brave by sharing your true feelings with you mother.

I'm sorry that happened to you. It's a shame for the short sightedness of others. You put yourself out there and get punished and not treated like a human.

I hope therapy pays off for you in the end.

 

[JaJu]

You did somthing really brave by sharing your true feelings with you mother.

I'm sorry that happened to you. It's a shame for the short sightedness of others. You put yourself out there and get punished and not treated like a human.

I hope therapy pays off for you in the end.

I agree, you reached out to let someone know how you honestly feel—that can take a lot of courage.

My impression of your mother is that she cares about you getting better despite her stubbornness and allowing you to go through so much discomfort. It sucks parents can sometimes become so tunnel-visioned on their wish for their child's recovery that they don't care or they'd do anything it takes no matter what the process or experience is like for their child emotionally and psychologically. When you trust someone with your innermost secrets and then suddenly feel like nobody trusts you because of your state of mentality, you begin to question whether it was the right choice to let them know in the first place. I hope your therapist is kind, open-minded, understanding, helpful, resourceful, and reasonable. You always should have the right to keep changing therapists until you meet one you feel relatively more comfortable with. (I changed my therapist a couple of times after a few awkward sessions with some)

The fact that you're doing/going through all of this with the hope that it will help you is really encouraging. I hope your experience will not be unpleasant, but as pleasant as it can be.

 

[i dont feel real.]

You did somthing really brave by sharing your true feelings with you mother.

I'm sorry that happened to you. It's a shame for the short sightedness of others. You put yourself out there and get punished and not treated like a human.

I hope therapy pays off for you in the end.

Thanks. Yeah, I hate it. It's like im a criminal or something like that. Its like they only interested in me not doing CTB. They care a shit about how I feel.

Also I hope that, I really want to live but I just can't. My stupid brain doesnt let me do it. I just want to live a normal life. I have no friends. In work and college nobody cares about me. And in school nobody cared about me. They just ignored me like I was a doll or something. I can't even remember the last time someone invited me to a party or something like that. I can't even talk to other people. I hope therapy helps.

I agree, you reached out to let someone know how you honestly feel—that can take a lot of courage.

My impression of your mother is that she cares about you getting better despite her stubbornness and allowing you to go through so much discomfort. It sucks parents can sometimes become so tunnel-visioned on their wish for their child's recovery that they don't care or they'd do anything it takes no matter what the process or experience is like for their child emotionally and psychologically. When you trust someone with your innermost secrets and then suddenly feel like nobody trusts you because of your state of mentality, you begin to question whether it was the right choice to let them know in the first place. I hope your therapist is kind, open-minded, understanding, helpful, resourceful, and reasonable. You always should have the right to keep changing therapists until you meet one you feel relatively more comfortable with. (I changed my therapist a couple of times after a few awkward sessions with some)

The fact that you're doing/going through all of this with the hope that it will help you is really encouraging. I hope your experience will not be unpleasant, but as pleasant as it can be.

Thanks a lot. Yeah. I know my mom loves me, she is the only person I can trust in. I already took my pills and tomorrow they are going to do a inspection. I feel like a criminal. I didn't do anything wrong. Im just tired of life. I really hope therapy works, its my only hope. If it fails, I don't even know what I'm going to do. I'm so scared. Im starting to feel like I did the wrong move. That i should have stayed shut. But that would have served no purpose. My therapist is kind, i feel comfortable. But with this things of inspection, if they see I have something suspicious, they are going to apply "more restriction", whatever that means. I think they think that I am crazy or something like that. Well. I hope it works.

 

[Redleaf1992]

Thanks. Yeah, I hate it. It's like im a criminal or something like that. Its like they only interested in me not doing CTB. They care a shit about how I feel.

Also I hope that, I really want to live but I just can't. My stupid brain doesnt let me do it. I just want to live a normal life. I have no friends. In work and college nobody cares about me. And in school nobody cared about me. They just ignored me like I was a doll or something. I can't even remember the last time someone invited me to a party or something like that. I can't even talk to other people. I hope therapy helps.

Thanks a lot. Yeah. I know my mom loves me, she is the only person I can trust in. I already took my pills and tomorrow they are going to do an inspection. I feel like a criminal. I didn't do anything wrong. Im just tired of life. I really hope therapy works, it's my only hope. If it fails, I don't even know what I'm going to do. I'm so scared. Im starting to feel like I did the wrong move. That i should have stayed shut. But that would have served no purpose. My therapist is kind, i feel comfortable. But with this things of inspection, if they see I have something suspicious, they are going to apply "more restriction", whatever that means. I think they think that I am crazy or something like that. Well. I hope it works.

I think I'm in a similar situation to you and I somewhat share your pain in terms of social life. My preference would not to be die..but live where my own flaws don't exist. Unfortunately that's just a idealisation for me personally. However from what I read I think (or hope) therapy may work out well for you.

You shoudent regret your decision whatever happens. You said it yourself that you want to live, you did what you did not becuase it would be comfortable, but to give yourself the best chance of turning things round and having the life you want.

At the end of the if things don't work out and you want to escape this life, that option will always be available. Maybe not on the short term, but long term no one really has that power to stop us.

 

[MisplacedGirl]

Despite everything, I'm proud of you. I hope this week goes okay!

 

[HopingOnaMiracle]

I lived with my parents for a while when things went bad. It
t wasn't that terrible. You'll have your mom to talk to at any time. Someone that cooks dinner for you (I assume). I had less distractions like video games. I did a 15 min walk every morning to get my body and mind active. After two weeks I went home again.

 

[i dont feel real.]

Despite everything, I'm proud of you. I hope this week goes okay!

I hope it goes. Thanks.

 

[HopingOnaMiracle]

I hope it goes. Thanks.

We're a month later. How is therapy going? You still live with your mom?