Sinai Silence
I think I'ma die alone inside my room
- Jul 6, 2020
- 810
Hey guys!
Procrastination is hitting hard currently and this has been on my mind for a few days and so I'm gonna vent on here for a moment.
So my Dad met up with me for the first time this year. First thing he tells me is he had a mental breakdown recently and was gonna CTB by hanging. I don't know if he'd go through with it, I didn't flinch either way. He barely took the time to ask how I was as per.
He's currently taking some time off work and stopped taking Sertraline after two weeks. Can't blame him that shit sucks ass. I told him he should at least try others before throwing in the towel but it's his choice.
I'm not trying to invalidate how he feels since I know he has his own problems but it's pretty rich. The number of failed attempts I've had and never even got a text from him. Now him wanting me to be concerned is just hilarious. I think all I said was "damn" when he told me. He's lucky he didn't get a yikes or thats just showbiz baby out of me. Should I show him sympathy when he showed none to me?
I remember back when my therapist was making me do a bunch of bs and he said he would try do better by me and of course he still did less than the bare minimum.
My Grandad really stepped up back then and thats when I realised how important he was to me. He was there so much for me, taking me to each therapy session, spending days with me in hospital after attempts and just being an amazing human being. I never felt on edge with him or like I had to hide anything. He could make my worst moments a lot more bearable. Talking about some documentary he watched, showing me wildlife pictures he'd taken or playing guitar for him.
He is the only father figure I've ever needed. I wish I could let him know how thankful I am to him. I know its super selfish but if I could trade my dad for him, I would in a heartbeat. It isn't a hard choice at all. An absent, abusive and alcoholic father? Or a selfless and sweet man who is my hero and role model?
Fuck I wish he was still here.
Rant over, thanks for reading :>
Procrastination is hitting hard currently and this has been on my mind for a few days and so I'm gonna vent on here for a moment.
So my Dad met up with me for the first time this year. First thing he tells me is he had a mental breakdown recently and was gonna CTB by hanging. I don't know if he'd go through with it, I didn't flinch either way. He barely took the time to ask how I was as per.
He's currently taking some time off work and stopped taking Sertraline after two weeks. Can't blame him that shit sucks ass. I told him he should at least try others before throwing in the towel but it's his choice.
I'm not trying to invalidate how he feels since I know he has his own problems but it's pretty rich. The number of failed attempts I've had and never even got a text from him. Now him wanting me to be concerned is just hilarious. I think all I said was "damn" when he told me. He's lucky he didn't get a yikes or thats just showbiz baby out of me. Should I show him sympathy when he showed none to me?
I remember back when my therapist was making me do a bunch of bs and he said he would try do better by me and of course he still did less than the bare minimum.
My Grandad really stepped up back then and thats when I realised how important he was to me. He was there so much for me, taking me to each therapy session, spending days with me in hospital after attempts and just being an amazing human being. I never felt on edge with him or like I had to hide anything. He could make my worst moments a lot more bearable. Talking about some documentary he watched, showing me wildlife pictures he'd taken or playing guitar for him.
He is the only father figure I've ever needed. I wish I could let him know how thankful I am to him. I know its super selfish but if I could trade my dad for him, I would in a heartbeat. It isn't a hard choice at all. An absent, abusive and alcoholic father? Or a selfless and sweet man who is my hero and role model?
Fuck I wish he was still here.
Rant over, thanks for reading :>
