Discussion my euthanesia process and still want to do it myself

[Berlin76]

Hoe kan ik een privaat bericht aan je sturen?

Ik stuur je wel ene bericht

Hoe kan ik een privaat bericht aan je sturen?

Je bent nieuw hier dus je heb nog niet genoeg comments geplaatst. Als je genoeg hier en daar heb gepraat dan ken je privé berichten sturen

 

[wildmoon]

Ok, just want to share this to vent myself a bit.

So I am a older member by now since 2018 oktober more or less, under my old name ddutch

Last year august 2019 I applied myself for euthanesia
It was a long time waiting for me due to depression ptsd and A cluster disorder i have decided to end my life.
I had Nembetul from A but i failled last august becasue i only had domperidon.
the waitinglist of euthanesia was over a year.
So i had my attemp last august and it was horrible to fail and just needed to start over again.

Now last month november 5 I had my first interview with The end of life clinic .
Fucking been waiting for over a year end from one at the other momment they just called and told me they come on 5 november.
it was like it always is with psychologist just an interview of a hour.
The main purpose was that they had to explain the guide lines for the process of my case for my euthanesia.
First they said no telling how long precise it could take but moste of the time its around 8 months.
They dont procede when i start forcing them to hurry up with the whole process or when i use suicide or just the words to force them
then they will stop ofcourse. also that i would have to see a external psychiatrist who would examen my case and their work on my case.
If that person give A Go than they can procede with my case, but it can also happen this person would sugest more therapy.
But this is not likely because I already had 7 years of therapy with 3 clinics .

After this they will present my case to a second external person who will examen my total case to see if they have checked everything.
So this part is more for the justice department so they wont get persucuted by the justice department for murder.
because when they dont follow the rulls of the law than the euthanesia can be seen as murder.

By now I had also my second interview .
They have a clear picture of my case and they can see my hopeless and unbearable suffering.
They already had planned the interview with the external pshychtriatrist in upcoming january.
So that made me happy sort off because normally this takes months to have a opening for a interview like that.
But this day with the second interview I really was in a bad place mentaly, I hardly spoke with them.
I was just zoned out and filled with anger and sorrow and depressed feeling this day my family was talking mostly .
they ended the inteview by telling they can see my mental hopeless and unbearable suffering.

Still I am a sort of supriced I have the interview so fast now, this is feeling good.
But still there is a part of me that wants tocommit suicide myself and not with the help of the organisation.
Also because daily it takes long all these months.
But everytime it is only for family i delay it because they want me to go with euthanesia.
This is just just f*** breaking me up mentaly also.

I did tell me mom I am making sure I have backup for when they dont honour my request for euthanesia

Anyway some here ask me to tell how it goes and wanted to hear the process when it started, so it started

Aw berlin, I am glad you have the option of euthanasia and I hope it gets approved. It's a few months...although we know a few months is an eternity when you feel so low , I just wish the process to be as quick as possible for you.
You're such a great person and it has been nice to talk to you.

 

[Berlin76]

Aw berlin, I am glad you have the option of euthanasia and I hope it gets approved. It's a few months...although we know a few months is an eternity when you feel so low , I just wish the process to be as quick as possible for you.
You're such a great person and it has been nice to talk to you.

Hey

Yeah have been waiting a long f..... Time for it. But it started and in 10 days i have the third interview and that day i will get the appointment date for the exam psychiatrist when he agrees it only has to be examen on total workings of the team if they did not skip anything than it is already on green light actually.

I will keep this updated

 

[chris8000]

Hope it works out for you Berlin, yeah do keep us updated.

 

[Berlin76]

Hope it works out for you Berlin, yeah do keep us updated.

thank you
I will update this tread after every appoinment with the End of life clinnic

 

[fightingsioux]

thank you
I will update this tread after every appoinment with the End of life clinnic

You might be interested in a thread I just started about euthanasia and physician-assisted suicide.

 

[Berlin76]

You might be interested in a thread I just started about euthanasia and physician-assisted suicide.

Just seen it friend hahaha

 

[fightingsioux]

Hey

Yeah have been waiting a long f..... Time for it. But it started and in 10 days i have the third interview and that day i will get the appointment date for the exam psychiatrist when he agrees it only has to be examen on total workings of the team if they did not skip anything than it is already on green light actually.

I will keep this updated

As you probably know, the psychiatrist is really interested in just one thing: mental competency. Not the total absence of any type of mental illness: at the very least, most of us are a bit neurotic!

In short, mental competency is situational: it's always in relation to the situation at hand. So, relating to assisted suicide:

Do you understand the situation?
Do you understand the potential consequences?
Can you understand and retain any information about the subject that you've learned, or is presented to you?
Based on this information, can you make a decision?
Can you communicate this decision?

Based on all your posts that I've read, you're competent! You should have no problem with that part of the process.

 

[Berlin76]

As you probably know, the psychiatrist is really interested in just one thing: mental competency. Not the total absence of any type of mental illness: at the very least, most of us are a bit neurotic!

In short, mental competency is situational: it's always in relation to the situation at hand. So, relating to assisted suicide:

Do you understand the situation?
Do you understand the potential consequences?
Can you understand and retain any information about the subject that you've learned, or is presented to you?
Based on this information, can you make a decision?
Can you communicate this decision?

Based on all your posts that I've read, you're competent! You should have no problem with that part of the process.

Lol that's totally true and thank you.
Keep us updated on your application ok

 

[fightingsioux]

Lol that's totally true and thank you.
Keep us updated on your application ok

I've been accepted by Pegasos, going to Basel in March.

 

[Berlin76]

I've been accepted to Pegasos, going to Basel in March.

Happy for you my friend.
You will cross over sooner then i am but we will see each other.

Keep in touch till that time. Big hug

 

[fightingsioux]

Happy for you my friend.
You will cross over sooner then i am but we will see each other.

Keep in touch till that time. Big hug

I'm a lifelong atheist, so I don't think we'll be seeing each other unless you plan on buying me a beer in Basel.

But thanks for the congratulations.

 

[Berlin76]

I'm a lifelong atheist, so I don't think we'll be seeing each other unless you plan on buying me a beer in Basel.

But thanks for the congratulations.

. Hahahahhahahaha

My god that was funny.
I dont believe in God but i dont think it will end after this here. Must be something else but dont know what hahaha

But cheers mate hahaha

 

[Saddad]

I'm doing OK. I live a relatively normal life in spite of my illness, but there's no telling what will happen in the future. I might end up living for several years or die next year. Who knows.

I tried ordering N from A, but I received nothing and A stopped answering my emails.

I have access to huge amount of oxycodone, like 120 mg, 60 mg and 40 mg tablets.

Still don't know if that would be enough for a peaceful death though. Especially with the tolerance I've built up.

I also have atenolol, which could be combined with oxycodone and zopiclone to induce a peaceful death.

Did you get any further with info on oxycodone? I will be getting around 4g of oxy soon in 80mg slow release. Have about 30mg of zopiclone 1g of H 100ml of oral morphine 10/5. Loads of meto

I may get some amitriptyline too fingers crossed.

I have read mixing alcohol with oxy magnifies the respiratory depression.

Some people say its painful??? Not sure

 

[Berlin76]

@fightingsioux @Mud. @wildmoon

Ok small update here.

Got a call today and an email of the euthanasia organization.

In 2 weeks i will have 2 appointments of 2hours each for the external psychiatrist for the second opinion on my request for euthanasia. She will look if all options have been used and if stil behind my request and want to go forward with the euthanasia.

 

[JustVisiting]

You're so lucky you even have the option. Ben je nederlands? I do not qualify where I am - I have an inoperable brain tumour that is getting bigger and making ly life hell but I'm supposed to die a slow and debilitating death. Animals don't even get treated like this!

Hey, I have an inoperable brain tumour and share many f your fears. I should be enjoying what time i have, but instead I am having to trawl the dark web to find what i need to do what i need to do. It's time consuming and I have no idea who to trust (vendors), you know the story. The establishment (medical mafia) get off on making us die slow deaths with as much suffering as possible. It would be such a relief if i could source nembutal and just know i had it for when i needed it, i could stop worrying and enjoy my time.

@Kruger If you find a source, please PM me. My clock is ticking with a brain stem tumour - also inoperable and I'm in severe pain daily. You can read my story. I'm sorry you have a similar situation. Thank you.

 

[Kruger]

@Kruger If you find a source, please PM me. My clock is ticking with a brain stem tumour - also inoperable and I'm in severe pain daily. You can read my story. I'm sorry you have a similar situation. Thank you. ❤

If only I knew of a good seller! Of course I will let you know. I'm sorry. It's terrible isn't it. I am only 53 and I don't want to die but I also will not let this thing take me slowly. I want to end things my way. The Controllers don't let animals suffer, but us humans get treated like shit. I should be enjoying my time instead of
worrying about where to find what I need. PS. Have you tried iscador? A product you inject for shrinking tumours?

 

[JustVisiting]

If only I knew of a good seller! Of course I will let you know. I'm sorry. It's terrible isn't it. I am only 53 and I don't want to die but I also will not let this thing take me slowly. I want to end things my way. The Controllers don't let animals suffer, but us humans get treated like shit. I should be enjoying my time instead of
worrying about where to find what I need. PS. Have you tried iscador? A product you inject for shrinking tumours?

Hi. Thank you! I concur with your thoughts. That has not been offered to me. Perhaps I'm in the wrong part of the world for it?

 

[wildmoon]

@fightingsioux @Mud. @wildmoon

Ok small update here.

Got a call today and an email of the euthanasia organization.

In 2 weeks i will have 2 appointments of 2hours each for the external psychiatrist for the second opinion on my request for euthanasia. She will look if all options have been used and if stil behind my request and want to go forward with the euthanasia.

Oh wow! That is faster than you expected, you must feel good about this. Good luck with it all, I hope it goes well for you.

 

[Berlin76]

Oh wow! That is faster than you expected, you must feel good about this. Good luck with it all, I hope it goes well for you.

Thank you

 

[Berlin76]

So the last part has started.
Today I had my third interview with the euthanasia team. We talked about the coming 2 weeks where i need to talk with a external psychiatrist.

We also talked in general how things have been for me since application and during the process of examining my case.
Also if i am still behind my decision of euthanasia.

At one moment I explained how I felt the last years and how I changed since my second trauma and how that changed me.
And how I came to this point that my resilience is broken including my trust in everything. This is not like normal life anymore so how can you enjoy when i can't feel real joy.

Also talked about the point in August when i attempted to commit suicide with the use of N where i failed. But how calm i felt sitting their on bed with it next to me.

Than the point came she said that they are convinced that she knows i am competent and its from my own will and they can see the pain. She told me to wait and not try it myself anymore. From that point she said lets make some dates for the last part when after you can Die.

She added yes you still have to get approved by the doctor next week, but she will see what we see in your case that consist out of ptsd, chronicle depression and some other things.

After this she walked me through of how it will be. Also asking if i still want to drink it myself their cocktail of N, and added that she will give an extra doses after 30 minutes. They told me that when its all good it will be just a few months to round things up.

So I really have the impression its in the green and it is almost time to die..

I will make a update after the interviews of the next 2 weeks.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Domperidon dont cross the bloodstream to the brain. Metoclopramide does it and it shutdown receptors in the brain so you wont vomit. The N i had to trow it away because i already had it in a other bottle mixed with syrup. It even turned blue because of the syrup

May I please respectfully ask for clarification?

You've stated a couple times on this thread that you failed with N. However, it seems in the quote that you didn't actually take it.

Is my understanding accurate that you threw away the N without ever attempting to use it?

 

[Berlin76]

May I please respectfully ask for clarification?

You've stated a couple times on this thread that you failed with N. However, it seems in the quote that you didn't actually take it.

Is my understanding accurate that you threw away the N without ever attempting to use it?

.

I took a sip and started gagging so had to spit it out so not drink. This is because domperidon is not right to do the job. Also had mixed it with syrup and it turned bkue for some reason hahaha
I november 2018 i did a test and drank 2ml this made me vomit this test was without anti emetics.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

.

I took a sip and started gagging so had to spit it out so not drink. This is because domperidon is not right to do the job. Also had mixed it with syrup and it turned bkue for some reason hahaha
I november 2018 i did a test and drank 2ml this made me vomit this test was without anti emetics.

Thank you so much for replying and clarifying! And I'm so happy for you about how things are progressing with the assisted exit. I hope it all continues to go smoothly and that you get all you seek.

 

[Berlin76]

Thank you so much for replying and clarifying! And I'm so happy for you about how things are progressing with the assisted exit. I hope it all continues to go smoothly and that you get all you seek.

Your welcome and thank you

 

[Kruger]

I'm doing OK. I live a relatively normal life in spite of my illness, but there's no telling what will happen in the future. I might end up living for several years or die next year. Who knows.

I tried ordering N from A, but I received nothing and A stopped answering my emails.

I have access to huge amount of oxycodone, like 120 mg, 60 mg and 40 mg tablets.

Still don't know if that would be enough for a peaceful death though. Especially with the tolerance I've built up.

I also have atenolol, which could be combined with oxycodone and zopiclone to induce a peaceful death.

OK well this concerns me - so you lost your money to A?

 

[Berlin76]

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/my-euthanesia-part-2.29923/

 

[Berlin76]

Ok so I got approved in the next fase.
The last 2 weeks I had 2 interviews with a external psychiatrist that was needed in the process of mine euthanasia.

The first interview was long for 2 hours last week. She went through all my history and went deep on family dynamics. Even went in on wishes I had in life or what I still have for life also talked about work and relationships.

I went home with even more questions than i came in and was worried alot. Because alot was on practical things of life so i worried a lot the last week.

Yesterday I came in for the second interview and ask her if she was hearing me correctly because of al the questions.
She awnserd back it was my trauma that was playing games in my head by causing distrust. From this moment I let all my questions fall because I knew she heard me correctly and i felt relief.

She went on with more questions and also explained my psychological profile.
She did not find any autism or low Iq because this was mentioned in the past, she did find borderline element's and anti social tendencies and complex ptsd that all is causing depression.

So she agreed on my euthanasia because I don't have any options for therapy. Therapy is not a solution anymore because its done and can cause even more damage.

So her conclusion is green for euthanasia and she will report the euthanasia team on her findings. So from this point on it's just one more appointment with the team and one with the scen doctor who will check if everything went by protocol and then i am gone

 

[cursum.perficio]

You are incredibly lucky. Does your family support your decision?

Ok so I got approved in the next fase.
The last 2 weeks I had 2 interviews with a external psychiatrist that was needed in the process of mine euthanasia.

The first interview was long for 2 hours last week. She went through all my history and went deep on family dynamics. Even went in on wishes I had in life or what I still have for life also talked about work and relationships.

I went home with even more questions than i came in and was worried alot. Because alot was on practical things of life so i worried a lot the last week.

Yesterday I came in for the second interview and ask her if she was hearing me correctly because of al the questions.
She awnserd back it was my trauma that was playing games in my head by causing distrust. From this moment I let all my questions fall because I knew she heard me correctly and i felt relief.

She went on with more questions and also explained my psychological profile.
She did not find any autism or low Iq because this was mentioned in the past, she did find borderline element's and anti social tendencies and complex ptsd that all is causing depression.

So she agreed on my euthanasia because I don't have any options for therapy. Therapy is not a solution anymore because its done and can cause even more damage.

So her conclusion is green for euthanasia and she will report the euthanasia team on her findings. So from this point on it's just one more appointment with the team and one with the scen doctor who will check if everything went by protocol and then i am gone

 

[Berlin76]

You are incredibly lucky. Does your family support your decision?

Yeah they are supporting me.
But for friends it's still a shock and disbelieve but they do understand. In the beginning they didn't think i would go on with it