my diary

[KiraNosferatu]

hello everyone reading, i am kira and this is my diary.
i am starting this little project with the intention of dying soon, and until that time comes, i will post a new entry here every day.
why am i doing this? firstly, it gives me something to do and hold on to. i hope this will help preserve my sanity. secondly, for documentation. i want to share how my days go, aswell as what my mental state is like, as i want to make it known to others in a similar situation that they're not as alone as they think they are in this.
i hope my writing brings good to people—in some way, shape or form.
my existence had been filled with me being evil. but then, i found love. it changed me more than i ever thought possible, but in the end i still lost it, all because of my own evil.
so before i die and finally get to see the one i love more than anything again, and be with him forever this time.... i hope to do good for the people i spend the conclusion of my life with.

 

[csites]

will look forward to reading this, i hope things go alright for you! you seem very cool from what little ive read

 

[KiraNosferatu]

for today's entry:
27.07.2026
i spent the day in bed. i did get up a couple times, as i made myself a (spinach) pizza, and later on (vanilla) ice cream.
i watched a lot of youtube. mostly stuff about my favorite childhood game franchise, angry birds. i even downloaded one of the games again and played it a little—it took me a while to get used to the physics of the birds again, but soon i was doing pretty good.... not as good as my kid self but good.
i played the viking themed levels... all while thinking about how i wanted to visit norway together with my love. but now, that is just a dream. a dream that burns away into nothingness, a dream that will never be achieved. in this life atleast. because in heaven, we'll have our very own norway only for us two. i can't wait.
i haven't had any dreams at all so far, which is good. i am scared they would plague me with the same stuff my brain attacks me with during the day. even if it was a good dream, it would just remind me of what i lost... the pain just eats at my entire body.
i am also pretty sure i started seeing things again. about two hours prior to writing this, i was laying in bed, staring at the ceiling in the dark. and the center of the wall, as i was staring at it, suddenly looked like it was protruding out of the wall itself. it was this weird blobby shape, drenched in these purplish and red colors you see when you rub your eyes.
shortly after it was gone.

sorry readers if i got a little off track, i just type without really thinking. it really helps.
have any of you seen "the sixth sense"? my love showed it to me.
the main character is a psychologist who brings up a similar technique to his patient—where you just write the first thing that comes out of your head.
awesome technique i must say....
anyways that's it for today, this is getting sent a couple minutes into the 28th but what does it matter. i'll count it as 27th.

will look forward to reading this, i hope things go alright for you! you seem very cool from what little ive read

first entry is out!! also thank you soo much!!
also welcome to SS!! i'm also somewhat new hope you enjoy it here

 

[csites]

thank you!!! i hope i can, i'm awfully anxious about making someone upset so I'm just trying my best to stay social and not make any mistakes.
i have not seen the movie but i think ive heard of and maybe even used the technique before, it makes for some interesting stuff.. i played the angry birds games as a kid too i think, if i ever get my hands on the weird wii game they made as a collaboration with star wars i need to figure out if theres any memories of it ill uncover playing it. i hope your pain gets better, in whichever way that happens at this point

also i think were in the same time zone lol

 

[KiraNosferatu]

i'll also add little drawings for each days entry....
today we have this minimalistic angry bird

thank you!!! i hope i can, i'm awfully anxious about making someone upset so I'm just trying my best to stay social and not make any mistakes.
i have not seen the movie but i think ive heard of and maybe even used the technique before, it makes for some interesting stuff.. i played the angry birds games as a kid too i think, if i ever get my hands on the weird wii game they made as a collaboration with star wars i need to figure out if theres any memories of it ill uncover playing it. i hope your pain gets better, in whichever way that happens at this point

also i think were in the same time zone lol

first off don't worry about making "mistakes", this is a safe space! atleast with me haha..
and there's actually 2 angry birds star wars collab games.... the first one being the original star wars trilogy and the second game being the prequels. they were fun!! i was somewhat of a star wars kid so double awesome for me

 

[csites]

thank you!! i try to keep it in mind but people still scare me..
also i didnt know, thats so cool! maybe ill check if the old library i used to get them from near me still has them in stock if i manage to gather up the energy to go outside tomorrow, although the chances are low considering the Wii has been out of cycle for years and years-

 

[KiraNosferatu]

thank you!! i try to keep it in mind but people still scare me..
also i didnt know, thats so cool! maybe ill check if the old library i used to get them from near me still has them in stock if i manage to gather up the energy to go outside tomorrow, although the chances are low considering the Wii has been out of cycle for years and years-

i loved bowling on the wii...
i was like the epitome of nerd kid. i read so much I'd visit the library every week. i'd pick out my books, and then play on the communal wii the library had..... i miss those times

 

[csites]

oh god yes, bowling was my second favourite of the original wii sports games right after baseball (for some reason, im not sure why)
i never got 300 points on it but i at least was good enough at it to beat my sister and cousins ^^
that sounds like such an awesome time... i wish i had more clear memories of the past, there have probably also been so many wonderful little things like that that i just cant remember today

 

[KiraNosferatu]

oh god yes, bowling was my second favourite of the original wii sports games right after baseball (for some reason, im not sure why)
i never got 300 points on it but i at least was good enough at it to beat my sister and cousins ^^
that sounds like such an awesome time... i wish i had more clear memories of the past, there have probably also been so many wonderful little things like that that i just cant remember today

yeah.... nice times.. i actually think I'm just going insane and I'm just holding onto these things so i can make it to my goal
i love and miss my sweet angel so much

 

[csites]

holding onto things like this is nice, i think. im not sure about you but i like the melancholic feeling of memories like that, especially when feeling suicidal.
i hope you will get to see your partner again soon..

 

[Salkak]

Looking forward to reading your diary