Venting My Depression Destroyed My Financial Stability

[UntitledUser]

I used to be that friend—the one people came to for financial advice. Everyone thought I was the responsible one. But the truth is, ever since my mom passed away three years ago, everything changed. My depression got worse. I stopped budgeting. I started spending recklessly—on videogames, alcohol, lottery tickets. I blew through all my savings.

Now I'm $3,000 in debt. It's not a huge number, but with my current situation, it feels like a mountain. I make about $1,800 a month. After rent, food, and meds, I'm left with barely $800—and I use all of that to repay microloans. I've been living in a loop: borrowing from one app to pay another. Week after week. It's a trap I can't get out of.

I don't understand how I got here. I used to be so disciplined. Now I just feel like I'm sinking deeper into a hole.

Today I had a breakdown. I hurt myself because I couldn't come up with $180 to complete a payment on my biggest debt. It's around $1,000, and the bank was offering a discount—but I missed the window. My next paycheck comes on the 31st, but I'll have to use that for rent. I won't have enough for my microloan payments. Or food. Or meds.

I just don't understand how I am so useless. So Iittle. All of my friends are investing, traveling, even buying houses. I feel like a living scam. I hate myself so much because I'm useless and an idiot. I feel hopeless. t feels like every time I try to fix things, some dumb mistake from the past drags me back down

I'm considering ending my life this week I want to CTB on Nov 14 but the financial stresss is gettin
g worse.

I'm writing this while I can't get my shit together, stop crying. I'm such a mess.

 

[TBONTB]

I used to be that friend—the one people came to for financial advice. Everyone thought I was the responsible one. But the truth is, ever since my mom passed away three years ago, everything changed. My depression got worse. I stopped budgeting. I started spending recklessly—on videogames, alcohol, lottery tickets. I blew through all my savings.

Now I'm $3,000 in debt. It's not a huge number, but with my current situation, it feels like a mountain. I make about $1,800 a month. After rent, food, and meds, I'm left with barely $800—and I use all of that to repay microloans. I've been living in a loop: borrowing from one app to pay another. Week after week. It's a trap I can't get out of.

I don't understand how I got here. I used to be so disciplined. Now I just feel like I'm sinking deeper into a hole.

Today I had a breakdown. I hurt myself because I couldn't come up with $180 to complete a payment on my biggest debt. It's around $1,000, and the bank was offering a discount—but I missed the window. My next paycheck comes on the 31st, but I'll have to use that for rent. I won't have enough for my microloan payments. Or food. Or meds.

I just don't understand how I am so useless. So Iittle. All of my friends are investing, traveling, even buying houses. I feel like a living scam. I hate myself so much because I'm useless and an idiot. I feel hopeless. t feels like every time I try to fix things, some dumb mistake from the past drags me back down

I'm considering ending my life this week I want to CTB on Nov 14 but the financial stresss is gettin
g worse.

I'm writing this while I can't get my shit together, stop crying. I'm such a mess.

I used to be that friend—the one people came to for financial advice. Everyone thought I was the responsible one. But the truth is, ever since my mom passed away three years ago, everything changed. My depression got worse. I stopped budgeting. I started spending recklessly—on videogames, alcohol, lottery tickets. I blew through all my savings.

Now I'm $3,000 in debt. It's not a huge number, but with my current situation, it feels like a mountain. I make about $1,800 a month. After rent, food, and meds, I'm left with barely $800—and I use all of that to repay microloans. I've been living in a loop: borrowing from one app to pay another. Week after week. It's a trap I can't get out of.

I don't understand how I got here. I used to be so disciplined. Now I just feel like I'm sinking deeper into a hole.

Today I had a breakdown. I hurt myself because I couldn't come up with $180 to complete a payment on my biggest debt. It's around $1,000, and the bank was offering a discount—but I missed the window. My next paycheck comes on the 31st, but I'll have to use that for rent. I won't have enough for my microloan payments. Or food. Or meds.

I just don't understand how I am so useless. So Iittle. All of my friends are investing, traveling, even buying houses. I feel like a living scam. I hate myself so much because I'm useless and an idiot. I feel hopeless. t feels like every time I try to fix things, some dumb mistake from the past drags me back down

I'm considering ending my life this week I want to CTB on Nov 14 but the financial stresss is gettin
g worse.

I'm writing this while I can't get my shit together, stop crying. I'm such a mess.

I completely understand this. I am sorry. Do you think any of your friends are in a position to make you a gift? I know that's not an easy ask, but some of them might be willing to help get you on your feet again?

 

[UntitledUser]

I completely understand this. I am sorry. Do you think any of your friends are in a position to make you a gift? I know that's not an easy ask, but some of them might be willing to help get you on your feet again?

Unfortunately not. I tried with my best friends but they declined which tbh it hurts a lot. And I'm not close to my family, except from my sister but she is studying her pursuing a medical degree so she only has money to pay her expenses.

 

[TBONTB]

Unfortunately not. I tried with my best friends but they declined which tbh it hurts a lot. And I'm not close to my family, except from my sister but she is studying her pursuing a medical degree so she only has money to pay her expenses.

Sorry. I hope something improves .

 

[unluckysadness]

I'm probably naive but did you consider an online fundraising ? There is no shame to have financial problems. I wish you to win to the lottery. Hugs to you

 

[bankai]

I know that you may need alcohol right now as a coping mechanism. I hope you eventually give it up when you are ready.'Cause I think it's a brutal addiction. But please don't play the lottery.I've done pretty well. But most of that is not due to me. It's inherited, but I managed it pretty well and I'm pretty frugal.Money is really hard to earn and I don't want to be working late into middle age and old age to make ends meet. You can maybe save up and pay off those loans, then maybe in the future you can start putting money into an ETF or a good investment fund and have it snowball up.


And also maybe try to not buy games that you don't like just because of a compulsion to own a ton of games.I bought a ton of games for my PS4. A ton. And I didn't even play any of those games. They just sat and collected dust in my cabinet. It was a waste of money.


I ended up putting thousands of hours into Overwatch and Bloodborne. Somehow those two games were the only ones I kept on playing. I think if you tighten up a few things a bit then your finances will improve. I know it's easier said than done, and I know that you're using this as a coping mechanism so it won't be easy.i wish you good luck.

 

[UntitledUser]

I'm probably naive but did you consider an online fundraising ? There is no shame to have financial problems. I wish you to win to the lottery. Hugs to you

I haven't considered that option. Is it even possible? I mean, I know that crowdfunding exists but not for debts.

I know that you may need alcohol right now as a coping mechanism. I hope you eventually give it up when you are ready.'Cause I think it's a brutal addiction. But please don't play the lottery.I've done pretty well. But most of that is not due to me. It's inherited, but I managed it pretty well and I'm pretty frugal.Money is really hard to earn and I don't want to be working late into middle age and old age to make ends meet. You can maybe save up and pay off those loans, then maybe in the future you can start putting money into an ETF or a good investment fund and have it snowball up.


And also maybe try to not buy games that you don't like just because of a compulsion to own a ton of games.I bought a ton of games for my PS4. A ton. And I didn't even play any of those games. They just sat and collected dust in my cabinet. It was a waste of money.


I ended up putting thousands of hours into Overwatch and Bloodborne. Somehow those two games were the only ones I kept on playing. I think if you tighten up a few things a bit then your finances will improve. I know it's easier said than done, and I know that you're using this as a coping mechanism so it won't be easy.i wish you good luck.

Thank you for your words. I end one addiction and start another one, this year has been the lottery.

I had some old financial planning I did in college five years ago. I recently looked through the archives and was miserable. That strategy is now a dream, years ago it was achievable.

Just you mentioned, I think I can't give up on alcohol but lottery. It's very hard to cope when you feel like you have nothing or anyone.

Edit: forgot to mention that I used to play a lot of gachas that made me to spend a lot. Genshin Impact was the one but now I last played and buy smth six months ago. But the lore is hitting me so hard to go back.