goodoldnoname923
Wanting to find peace
- Mar 28, 2024
- 834
I get tried of people telling me that my final moments should be peaceful…should be calm should be relaxing…
Why would they be?…i'm dying for fucks sake maybe some people romancise death like the plague heck i do some days but when it comes down to the real deal i'm not going to be calm i'm not going to be relaxed
Should i be having a panic attack when this happens…no fear yes anxiety somewhat but more powerful than ever…sadness…guilt…regret…that is what will wash over me all the emotions i've kept buried inside and numbed for years…thats what will overpower me in my final hours thats what will drive me…maybe i'll even shed tears…thinking "why did it all come down to this,why couldn't i have handled things differently" my downfall is of my own action…or inaction rather…people can say i wasn't dealt the best hand sure but i sure as hell made a worse situation of a shit one…
I want to cry in my final moments feel the guilt of all the people i hurt all the people i let down all the people i brought suffering too and all the people who care for me rightfully and wrongfully when i do finally pass…i don't want it to be a happy moment…i want it to be the tragedy it is
Someone who had their heart in the right place but their head in the wrong one…i carved this path knowingly or not…People can say "you shouldn't die for that reason?" Your suggesting i carry on with the guilt i feel the relationships i lost all the hate in the world for me the time and opportunities i've missed and continue to miss…it's not worth it…I'm sorry but its not
I don't want to say tonight is the night i've been saying that for how long now…i need to wait for my emotions to take full control full power my emotions get stronger and stronger eachday how long is it before they reach a breaking point…that i don't know…but I desperately hope its soon
Why would they be?…i'm dying for fucks sake maybe some people romancise death like the plague heck i do some days but when it comes down to the real deal i'm not going to be calm i'm not going to be relaxed
Should i be having a panic attack when this happens…no fear yes anxiety somewhat but more powerful than ever…sadness…guilt…regret…that is what will wash over me all the emotions i've kept buried inside and numbed for years…thats what will overpower me in my final hours thats what will drive me…maybe i'll even shed tears…thinking "why did it all come down to this,why couldn't i have handled things differently" my downfall is of my own action…or inaction rather…people can say i wasn't dealt the best hand sure but i sure as hell made a worse situation of a shit one…
I want to cry in my final moments feel the guilt of all the people i hurt all the people i let down all the people i brought suffering too and all the people who care for me rightfully and wrongfully when i do finally pass…i don't want it to be a happy moment…i want it to be the tragedy it is
Someone who had their heart in the right place but their head in the wrong one…i carved this path knowingly or not…People can say "you shouldn't die for that reason?" Your suggesting i carry on with the guilt i feel the relationships i lost all the hate in the world for me the time and opportunities i've missed and continue to miss…it's not worth it…I'm sorry but its not
I don't want to say tonight is the night i've been saying that for how long now…i need to wait for my emotions to take full control full power my emotions get stronger and stronger eachday how long is it before they reach a breaking point…that i don't know…but I desperately hope its soon
