My dad is going to buy me a gun

[PaperStar]

He wants it for safety. We have some issues with other family members right now and he's worried that someone could come and hurt us. He trusts me most with the gun. He hasn't gone to buy it yet and I don't know when he will. He doesn't know I'm depressed and suicidal.

I want to do something I want to press the pistol he'll buy against my head I want to put it in my mouth and hover my finger over the trigger I really want to do those things I've been fantasizing about it for months but—

but now I'm scared.

I don't know how to feel? I don't know what to do. I want to tell my partner, I feel like I need to tell him. This feels so important but I haven't said anything to him. Every time I think about the gun I end up crying and I feel so confused because I don't know what I want anymore.

It was easy to attempt when I knew I could live but? I don't know. I'm scared because this method really is permanent. I don't want to leave my partner but I can't see things ever getting better.
I just feel scared.

 

[theboy]

This is normal. Don't worry about being afraid

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Who says you have to kill yourself with a gun, this gun? Just because it's there? Just because a method becomes available to you doesn't mean you have to use it. Maybe that's not the right method for you. If you're not comfortable with it, don't use it. There are plenty of other methods you could use. Maybe one of them is a better fit for you.

 

[StrawberryRed]

Any suicide method you choose will be permanent. If you are scared of the finality of death then you are not ready to die. Suicide is a big decision,. There is no rush to kill yourself, you have your whole life to decide( hahaa). If there is a part of you that needs there to be a chance to live then there is a part of you that wants to live. You should try and look into this and figure out what your hoping will happen. Why do you need there to be chance so bad if you really fully believe nothing will ever change? Feeling scared is normal but you "get over" fear when you doing a presentation, not when your making an irreversible decision- arguably the most important one u will probably ever make. I dont want to sound like im comparing, but every time ive planned to kms i would have loved to do it by gun. I felt no fear and was completely ready for my fate. Not to say you have to be pumped to shoot yourself but you should be that resolute and sure at least a couple days beforehand. You should definitely talk to your partner, especially if they already know of your suicidality. If you discover that you have alot more hope to live than you thought, you should talk to your dad too and tell him about your concerns.

 

[bankai]

I think you're putting pressure on yourself just cause you're coming into possession of this gun.

Don't.Use it for defense for now.also it's a violent method.much as I fantasize about guns I don't actually want to take the bus with one cause of how much damage it does and how violent it can be.

Since it's yours you can use it whenever you wish.don't be hasty.

 

[gottacheckout]

Do not play with a gun, they are not toys. If it accidently goes off you could very well end up killing someone else with a stray bullet. Just because there is a wall doesn't mean the bullet will stop there, they can and will pass right through them. I grew up with guns, they were another tool. Either to get food or for keeping us safe.

 

[PaperStar]

Do not play with a gun, they are not toys. If it accidently goes off you could very well end up killing someone else with a stray bullet. Just because there is a wall doesn't mean the bullet will stop there, they can and will pass right through them. I grew up with guns, they were another tool. Either to get food or for keeping us safe.

I know how dangerous guns are that's why the thought of pointing it at myself feels so?? it's why I want to do that