hi-okbye
7.7.2023<3
- May 5, 2023
- 658
hii!
so over some time i've created some plans for my ctb. i'm hoping to do it in the next few weeks but we'll see.
1. yew poisoning. i heard about this method and I was really curious about it. i found a nearby bush and collected ~180g of the needles. the high lethal dose is supposed to be 2g/kg. i'm around 50gkg, so 2g x 50kg = 100g high lethal dose. so it should be enough technically. they've ben siting in my room in a bag just waiting, i collected them a few days ago. there's a special tincture that could be made to reduce the chance of nausea/vomiting. especially since people say it tastes bad. i tasted a few and it's not too bad, plus i have a way to numb my tounge if i need to in order to get through the taste. i just don't have any way to make the tincture. my main concern is im not sure which type of yew this was since i collected it from a few blocks down. it might not be poisonous enough to kill me. i'd consider this one pretty safe though because if i do try and fail, there's not really any long term health problems. i could just try another method if this one fails.
2. drugs + alcohol. i have a few prescription drugs and stuff i was considering. i have really easy access to hydrocodone, an opioid pain reliver. it's in a syrup form and i have about 90ml of it, originally it was prescribed for my dog he died so idy we still have it but good for me i guess? i read that it's almost 1 to 1 with morphine and it's almost the same thing. I was considering mixing this with some alcohol I have as well. i have ~150ml of 65% rum, a pretty empty bottle of i think 12.5% wine, and a few bottles of beer (mostly around 4%). my only concern was that i wouldn't be able to keep it all down so does anyone maybe have some tips for that? i also don't know if i'll even be able to get past the taste, but like i said before i have a way to numb my tounge (liquid benadryl + milk of magnesia), i've done it before, it works for about 10ish minutes so i could just keep repeating it until i get it all down. i'm not 100% sure if this would work though, is there anything i can add to make this method work better or should i just scratch it? (i also might be able to access other prescription drugs for heart problems/diabetes/blood pressure but idk if these would help in anyway and i don't wanna go out of my way to get them if they're useless.)
3. liquid nitrogen. i mighttt be able to have access to this. i was gonna try to get some tomorrow so i'll probably make a post if i succeeded. i researched this one a bit and i was considering either adding a tube to the end of it, and taping down whatever needs to be pressed, then just attaching it to a sort of exit hood. i know it's like really cold though so i was also considering finding a confined space (maybe a cupboard, or maybe put it inside a big bag, almost a trash bag, and taping it in there without any pipes. or just opening up the top in a confined space since it turns into gas in room temperature). i know this is probably one of the most peaceful/easiest methods I just need to see if i can get it tomorrow or another day, and if i can figure out a way to make it work.
4. train. i know this is really really a last option resort, even if everything is bad i don't think i would pick this. all i know is i have a really close train station by my house that runs 24/7, i could easily bike there in the middle of the night and just wait on the tracks to get crushed. but still, last last last resort.
I considered some of the other methods mentioned but i had some problems with them. i tried to obtain SN from reliable sources but that failed for reasons i won't share. i was considering doing hanging or night-night. I even got all the supplies for both once, i just hate the way it looks since i live with people and they're the ones who are gonna find me. it's traumatizing enough to find my dead body (although they have found my "lifeless" body during past attempts though i was taken to the hospital). I don't wanna put the stress of them finding me hanging either. inert gas i tried to get the supplies in the past it was just too expensive for me though, and i had no way to purchase and get the items without someone in my home noticing.
thank you for reading i know it was a lot :)
so over some time i've created some plans for my ctb. i'm hoping to do it in the next few weeks but we'll see.
1. yew poisoning. i heard about this method and I was really curious about it. i found a nearby bush and collected ~180g of the needles. the high lethal dose is supposed to be 2g/kg. i'm around 50gkg, so 2g x 50kg = 100g high lethal dose. so it should be enough technically. they've ben siting in my room in a bag just waiting, i collected them a few days ago. there's a special tincture that could be made to reduce the chance of nausea/vomiting. especially since people say it tastes bad. i tasted a few and it's not too bad, plus i have a way to numb my tounge if i need to in order to get through the taste. i just don't have any way to make the tincture. my main concern is im not sure which type of yew this was since i collected it from a few blocks down. it might not be poisonous enough to kill me. i'd consider this one pretty safe though because if i do try and fail, there's not really any long term health problems. i could just try another method if this one fails.
2. drugs + alcohol. i have a few prescription drugs and stuff i was considering. i have really easy access to hydrocodone, an opioid pain reliver. it's in a syrup form and i have about 90ml of it, originally it was prescribed for my dog he died so idy we still have it but good for me i guess? i read that it's almost 1 to 1 with morphine and it's almost the same thing. I was considering mixing this with some alcohol I have as well. i have ~150ml of 65% rum, a pretty empty bottle of i think 12.5% wine, and a few bottles of beer (mostly around 4%). my only concern was that i wouldn't be able to keep it all down so does anyone maybe have some tips for that? i also don't know if i'll even be able to get past the taste, but like i said before i have a way to numb my tounge (liquid benadryl + milk of magnesia), i've done it before, it works for about 10ish minutes so i could just keep repeating it until i get it all down. i'm not 100% sure if this would work though, is there anything i can add to make this method work better or should i just scratch it? (i also might be able to access other prescription drugs for heart problems/diabetes/blood pressure but idk if these would help in anyway and i don't wanna go out of my way to get them if they're useless.)
3. liquid nitrogen. i mighttt be able to have access to this. i was gonna try to get some tomorrow so i'll probably make a post if i succeeded. i researched this one a bit and i was considering either adding a tube to the end of it, and taping down whatever needs to be pressed, then just attaching it to a sort of exit hood. i know it's like really cold though so i was also considering finding a confined space (maybe a cupboard, or maybe put it inside a big bag, almost a trash bag, and taping it in there without any pipes. or just opening up the top in a confined space since it turns into gas in room temperature). i know this is probably one of the most peaceful/easiest methods I just need to see if i can get it tomorrow or another day, and if i can figure out a way to make it work.
4. train. i know this is really really a last option resort, even if everything is bad i don't think i would pick this. all i know is i have a really close train station by my house that runs 24/7, i could easily bike there in the middle of the night and just wait on the tracks to get crushed. but still, last last last resort.
I considered some of the other methods mentioned but i had some problems with them. i tried to obtain SN from reliable sources but that failed for reasons i won't share. i was considering doing hanging or night-night. I even got all the supplies for both once, i just hate the way it looks since i live with people and they're the ones who are gonna find me. it's traumatizing enough to find my dead body (although they have found my "lifeless" body during past attempts though i was taken to the hospital). I don't wanna put the stress of them finding me hanging either. inert gas i tried to get the supplies in the past it was just too expensive for me though, and i had no way to purchase and get the items without someone in my home noticing.
thank you for reading i know it was a lot :)
