My ctb date approaching

[ThriveOrDie]

I haven't set an official date. I plan to do it after my credit cards are shut off. I am going to die by kidney infection. I posted about it in another thread. I will stop taking my supplement that prevents infection.

For those of you who believe in God…is my ctb method considered suicide? I wouldn't say my dad committed suicide when he decided to stop cancer treatments and go on hospice. I wouldn't say my grandma committed suicide when she refused dialysis. How do you think God views it? I've been suffering from chronic health issues for 20 years and it's only getting worse. How bad does it have to get before I'm allowed to give up without being called crazy for wanting to die? My mom told me I need to get help when I told her I am suicidal. She is actually bat shit crazy and so out of touch with reality that she has no clue how much I have been suffering and has no clue how she has caused a lot of my suffering.

I cry every time I think about being in a hospital bed dying alone. I cut off most of my family because they are all insane and abusive. I don't think I'm ready but I don't have a choice. My mom could help me but she wouldn't do it without being manipulative and guilt tripping me. She loves her money more than she loves her kids. And I refuse to try and put my life back together again with all the odds stacked against me…crap wages, inflation, massive debt etc. I could have a little bit of money to put a down payment on my own home but that hinges on my family agreeing to settle my dad's estate. And then I would have to somehow find a job in a state where it seems impossible to even get interviews. Some jobs I applied for had over 600 applicants. I don't see how these issues can be resolved in the very near future.

Also, does anyone have any experience with having their credit cards shut off? I'm wondering how long it will take before my cards get shut off. I won't be able to pay my bills this month and I am timing my ctb for after my cards get shut off.

 

[Foresight]

I'm very sorry you're in this position. Were you employed in 2021, is there any chance of a tax refund coming through this year?

If you do go don't worry about God. This is just my opinion, as the truth of God has not been determined. Try to go with a levelhead if this is the route you choose. You do have the other path of dealing with your mother, but I don't know how sustainable or torturous that option would be.

 

[ThriveOrDie]

I'm very sorry you're in this position. Were you employed in 2021, is there any chance of a tax refund coming through this year?

If you do go don't worry about God. This is just my opinion, as the truth of God has not been determined. Try to go with a levelhead if this is the route you choose. You do have the other path of dealing with your mother, but I don't know how sustainable or torturous that option would be.

My mom is too crazy to talk to. She twists everything and is totally irrational. She told me she is too old to deal with her issues and we (her kids) just have to put up with her. So I guess she actually is aware of how crazy she is. I had forgotten about that convo I had with her.
There is no way to work it out with her. I refuse to let her abuse me anymore and she and her batshit crazy kids (my half siblings) and sister lose their shit anytime anyone stands up to their abuse. She will tell me I have to live with her if she gives me money, or I have to be her neighbor. And I have to tolerate our batshit crazy family shitting on me for the rest of my life.

I only worked one month in 2021.

 

[myopybyproxy]

You called it CTB yourself, might I point out. Yes, passive suicide is still suicide. It may be more socially acceptable or easier for people to comprehend. But intentionally taking actions to bring about the end of one's life - or refraining from taking actions to delay it - is suicide.

I believe a god exists because this world did not create itself. That said, I am not religious and I dislike the theory and execution of religion. I believe that a merciful and just god would not send a soul that has suffered on earth to eternal suffering in hell. For that matter, such a benevolent higher power would not bestow the 'gift' of chronic pain onto anyone. Yet even a rational and unsympathetic god - what reasoning would there be to justify damnation of souls whose hosts have died by suicide? I don't find any. I hope this is some small comfort to you. I am sure that even if hell exists (which I am not sure it does - there is no evidence either way; hell is a feature of religion), god would not send you there when you pass.

I have not read your other thread but your method sounds painful. That is a difficult situation and I cannot pretend to know it. I wish you the best. May you go in peace.

 

[ThriveOrDie]

You called it CTB yourself, might I point out. Yes, passive suicide is still suicide. It may be more socially acceptable or easier for people to comprehend. But intentionally taking actions to bring about the end of one's life - or refraining from taking actions to delay it - is suicide.

I believe a god exists because this world did not create itself. That said, I am not religious and I dislike the theory and execution of religion. I believe that a merciful and just god would not send a soul that has suffered on earth to eternal suffering in hell. For that matter, such a benevolent higher power would not bestow the 'gift' of chronic pain onto anyone. Yet even a rational and unsympathetic god - what reasoning would there be to justify damnation of souls whose hosts have died by suicide? I don't find any. I hope this is some small comfort to you. I am sure that even if hell exists (which I am not sure it does - there is no evidence either way; hell is a feature of religion), god would not send you there when you pass.

I have not read your other thread but your method sounds painful. That is a difficult situation and I cannot pretend to know it. I wish you the best. May you go in peace.

I really think we are already in hell but I could be wrong. Death by kidney infection is better than VSED. I have SN but I really don't think it will work for me. My stomach is so sensitive I can't even tolerate most foods. I think my gut is so damaged that I am allergic to everything and when it gets really bad I throw up anything I eat. I have used antiemetics in the past just for my stomach issues and they have never helped. Anyway, I don't think I could possibly ctb without IV drugs. Here is my post about my ctb plan: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/death-by-kidney-infection.80746/#post-1459353

 

[myopybyproxy]

I really think we are already in hell but I could be wrong. Death by kidney infection is better than VSED. I have SN but I really don't think it will work for me. My stomach is so sensitive I can't even tolerate most foods. I think my gut is so damaged that I am allergic to everything and when it gets really bad I throw up anything I eat. Anyway, I don't think I could possibly ctb without IV drugs.

Who's to say where one hell ends and the next begins?

I can't speak as to the comparison, but from my limited experience with fasting I think I'd prefer the latter.

Why not take SN and if it doesn't work due to vomiting then go with the kidney infection plan? Or IV drugs - not to push, just curious as to the decision making process - you mentioned them first. Obviously you've already made your decision and I'm not trying to convince you otherwise.

 

[ThriveOrDie]

Who's to say where one hell ends and the next begins?

I can't speak as to the comparison, but from my limited experience with fasting I think I'd prefer the latter.

Why not take SN and if it doesn't work due to vomiting then go with the kidney infection plan? Or IV drugs - not to push, just curious as to the decision making process - you mentioned them first. Obviously you've already made your decision and I'm not trying to convince you otherwise.

I just did a 48 hour fast and it was awful….it was after weeks of barely eating though because everything I eat makes me feel sick.

If I fail at SN I will likely be put in the mental institution and then my family would be able to stop me from refusing treatment for a kidney infection by saying I'm not mentally fit.

 

[myopybyproxy]

I just did a 48 hour fast and it was awful….it was after weeks of barely eating though because everything I eat makes me feel sick.

If I fail at SN I will likely be put in the mental institution and then my family would be able to stop me from refusing treatment for a kidney infection by saying I'm not mentally fit.

Ah, I see. I had assumed that being found would not be an issue but I realise I read estrangement into your initial post. As I said before, everyone knows their own situation best - at the end of the day you gotta do what works for you. Godspeed.

 

[ThriveOrDie]

Ah, I see. I had assumed that being found would not be an issue but I realise I read estrangement into your initial post. As I said before, everyone knows their own situation best - at the end of the day you gotta do what works for you. Godspeed.

I am at a hotel. I think a neighbor would likely hear me puking and possibly having convulsions and they may call 911. The walls are thin here and the hotel is full. I am thinking if I ended up in the hospital from SN they will contact my family, probably starting with my mom. I am still in contact with one of my brothers but I think the hospital would contact the police and they would just run my info from my driver's license and then contact my mother. But I really don't know what the procedures are.

If I fail at SN and get put in a mental institution how long can that be used against me to show that I am mentally unfit to make my own medical decisions?

 

[myopybyproxy]

I am at a hotel. I think a neighbor would likely hear me puking and possibly having convulsions and they may call 911. The walls are thin here and the hotel is full. I am thinking if I ended up in the hospital from SN they will contact my family, probably starting with my mom. I am still in contact with one of my brothers but I think the hospital would contact the police and they would just run my info from my driver's license and then contact my mother. But I really don't know what the procedures are.

If I fail at SN and get put in a mental institution how long can that be used against me to show that I am mentally unfit to make my own medical decisions?

Noise muffling curtains? And lots of antiemetics.

I don't know how long within the legal and medical system, but for family, doctors, acquaintances etc they will never fully let that go. Look into the determination of what exactly makes a person unfit to make their own medical decisions in your jurisdiction.