My ctb: 13 june by jumping

[Defenestration]

I'm not really ready...but I never will be anyway...I've been suicidal for 20 years, since 2004. There is no chance of recovery for my psychiatric illnesses.

I am going in circles and the future looks very dark and irremediably so.

I've already missed twice jumping off a 60m roof onto hard/grass... a third and surely LAST chance is offered to me Thursday June 13...afterwards the guard will no longer want to open me...

I have to fight the SI. It's time to leave even if I'm not depressed, if I don't I'll still regret it. I hope I can do it...every day there are deaths by suicide, I too can do it, there is no reason why others can do it and not me. This topic is here until Thursday June 13th, the time of my death. sorry if that's a bit selfish .
I CAN CTB YES I CAN I MUST.

I will post my states lady. I want to leave while there is still time. I CAN AND ABOVE ALL I HAVE TO DO IT...things will only get worse afterwards...

 

[fsociety]

Wish you all the best buddy

 

[Onelegman]

I hope you find peace and happiness. All the best

 

[sugarh1gh]

Good luck, I hope you find the peace and freedom.

 

[Defenestration]

Why fight SI when i jump?
Suddenly i like the life and i miss

 

[sugarh1gh]

That's totally okay. It's your choice and today you want to live more. You don't have to fight SI.

 

[Defenestration]

@vak

C'est tout à fait correct. C'est votre choix et aujourd'hui vous voulez vivre davantage. Vous n'êtes pas obligé de combattre SI.

I must fight sI to die

 

[sugarh1gh]

But you don't have to die, unless you want to. And it seems like today you want to live more than die.

 

[Unknown21]

I support and respect your right to die, good luck.

 

[floating_cloud]

Good luck dude hope it works out ur super brave for this

 

[nymphojuno]

best of luck and sweet dreams

 

[creditarium]

But you definitely don't have to :) I know it's easy to say it from my pov, but I hope you decide not to.

 

[vak]

i wish you good luck my friend, I'm always with you in spirit I hope you will find the strength to do what you feel is right for you.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I hope you find peace!

 

[rokonie]

Jumping will always be an option, but you don't have to take it on June 13 if you feel like your SI is too much. I wish you peace in whatever you choose to do.

 

[Defenestration]

yes of course nothing obliges me on June 13th...

BUT in the months or years to come my situation will irremediably deteriorate on several levels...

AND this chance that I have to have a terrace 60 m high after that I won't have it forever... the caretaker lent it to me twice, it will probably be the last.

and then even if I'm a little better there I'll fall back very quickly, I know myself.
Im ill since 2004.....

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

I'm not really ready...but I never will be anyway...I've been suicidal for 20 years, since 2004. There is no chance of recovery for my psychiatric illnesses.

I am going in circles and the future looks very dark and irremediably so.

I've already missed twice jumping off a 60m roof onto hard/grass... a third and surely LAST chance is offered to me Thursday June 13...afterwards the guard will no longer want to open me...

I have to fight the SI. It's time to leave even if I'm not depressed, if I don't I'll still regret it. I hope I can do it...every day there are deaths by suicide, I too can do it, there is no reason why others can do it and not me. This topic is here until Thursday June 13th, the time of my death. sorry if that's a bit selfish .
I CAN CTB YES I CAN I MUST.

I will post my states lady. I want to leave while there is still time. I CAN AND ABOVE ALL I HAVE TO DO IT...things will only get worse afterwards...

Hope you find your peace, however that may be x

 

[Defenestration]

it's a shame to commit suicide when things aren't too bad... but after that I won't be able to do it anymore, when my parents' health deteriorates further, I won't be able to commit suicide because they will need to take care of me...
I won't be able to abandon them...

as they are completely independent, I might as well take advantage of it to leave...
It's very selfish reasoning, I know...I'm ashamed.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you find freedom from your suffering, best wishes.

 

[Defenestration]

B

I hope that you find freedom from your suffering, best wishes.

Thanks It will be hard...

 

[Defenestration]

7 days

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

7 days

Ever since I first read about your plan to jump, I think about you every so often. I hope the experience is not too harrowing; pragmatic/pre-emptive suicide is one of the hardest feats to accomplish, I have great admiration for people who are able to do so (my username is the name of a fictional character who CTB'd purely out of rationality). How are you planning on spending these last seven days?

Ta langue maternelle, c'est le français?

 

[Defenestration]

Ever since I first read about your plan to jump, I think about you every so often. I hope the experience is not too harrowing; pragmatic/pre-emptive suicide is one of the hardest feats to accomplish, I have great admiration for people who are able to do so (my username is the name of a fictional character who CTB'd purely out of rationality). How are you planning on spending these last seven days?

Ta langue maternelle, c'est le français?

very strange. I'm going to watch the 2 tennis semi-finals and the Rolland Garros finals. after tomorrow to Wednesday evening I will assiduously follow the European Athletics Championships I love athletics...so it will pass very quickly...and athletics ends late Wednesday evening and Thursday this morning... The longer it goes, the more I tell myself that it's going to be hard...

Yes il french.

 

[Defenestration]

6 days

 

[Defenestration]

it goes by so quickly. I can't even really enjoy the sport...in my head there is a countdown.

since yesterday I have sent more than 50 messages to people with whom I no longer have much contact to check on them and thank them for their kindness

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

it goes by so quickly. I can't even really enjoy the sport...in my head there is a countdown.

since yesterday I have sent more than 50 messages to people with whom I no longer have much contact to check on them and thank them for their kindness

Ça va vite mais moi j'ai remarqué que lors du dernier jour, tout se ralentit et le temps semble ne plus passer du tout. Ce jour-là, j'ai ce sentiment de I have all the time in the world. Peut-être que la même chose t'arrivera aussi, et puis tu auras un peu de repos, un peu de paix.

 

[Defenestration]

I can't take pleasure in watching sport. I send burst messages to all the people who have crossed my path at one time or another...to say a friendly little hello. I've had over 100 messages since May 23. People must be wondering why I'm saying a friendly hello. I'm afraid people will forget me.

Ça va vite mais moi j'ai remarqué que lors du dernier jour, tout se ralentit et le temps semble ne plus passer du tout. Ce jour-là, j'ai ce sentiment de I have all the time in the world. Peut-être que la même chose t'arrivera aussi, et puis tu auras un peu de repos, un peu de paix.

I dont know when i Can go thursday...

13 june...1 year ago it was 14 june

 

[Suicidal_manlet]

What makes you chose jumping over other options?

 

[Princess_Kitty]

I hope you find the peace that you've been looking for. Best wishes!

 

[Defenestration]

What makes you chose jumping over other options?

because it is the most lethal method jumping from 60 m high even if landing on a part where there is a little grass... but my fall must not be slowed down in the air and not jump with my feet in front

J'espère que vous trouverez la paix que vous recherchiez. Meilleurs vœux!

Thanks i dont want to die but stop big anxiety/depression