My bus is coming (SN)

[CoffinDance]

Hi!
This is my goodbye thread. My bus is arriving on Tuesday morning.
I recently turned 18, but despite my young age, I have been suffering from depression for many years. Although no one really gave me a specific diagnosis because I have many different symptoms. I have been to many specialists, I have been taking and taking medications, and I have been visiting psychologists and therapy. Unfortunately, this did not ease my suicidal thoughts.
I have described my feelings in the last days in the SS lounge thread, if you have read this, you know that I feel good and calm, but also tired and hopeless. Of course, I also feel fear, but since I still feel derealization, this feeling dominates and covers other feelings, which is helpful. :D I'm spending my last days happily. I eat what I want, do what I want, slack off, read and watch positive series and anime. I also play games.
Okay, so I'm ctb with SN, which is really cheap and easy to buy in my country. I didn't tested the product but I know from the seller that the purity is 98.5%. As for the consistency, it is clumpy.
Unfortunately I do not have antiemetic, i have only SN, milk of magnesia and pain killers. I believe this is enough. I'm going to do it in a meadow under a tree near my house, I will take blankets and a pillow that is a gift from my best friend. I'll also send the delayed email to the police where my body is located. Most likely 5 hours after taking SN. I don't plan any farewell letter, I'll just leave a note saying "sorry". I'm going to listen to my favorite music. Oh, I almost forgot, I'm going to take mouthwash too.
I am not sure about the amount of SN to take. I weigh 84 kilograms and I am 165 cm tall. Should I take 20 or 25 grams? Or maybe something in between? How many grams should the second dose have?
I would like to describe my feelings before and after taking SN. I admit that I am not so afraid of this method, because I have read the feelings of other users and I know what to expect. I hope that my description will also help someone. To protect site I will use tor browser and log out.
I will update the thread, and I will be happy to answer your questions.

 

[TheQ22]

I'm so sad that at 18 you feel this way, I think as a society we've gone so far off the rails that we're heading over a cliff, collectively.

I hope you've thought about it and are sure, and if you are then have a great journey.

 

[LenkaX]

I wish you the best, whatever it will be.

 

[Smudgedlines]

Please be certain. Please be certain there is absolutely no other way, not even in time

 

[anxivoid]

I'm sorry and..Good luck!..
And I just wanted to ask: will you mix SN with water there or at home and take it with you, if so, how? I mean, 50ml (following the Stan's guide) is not much at all, I don't know where to pour it to take with me. And it seems that you also need a few doses just in case. So what do you think, a few small plastic bottles or something?

 

[miguel6565]

Im sorry life have made you to take this decision,i wish you peace hugs

 

[TeenIdle]

I'm sorry :( soon I'll join you too without antiemetics either. Find peace

 

[CoffinDance]

I'm sorry and..Good luck!..
And I just wanted to ask: will you mix SN with water there or at home and take it with you, if so, how? I mean, 50ml (following the Stan's guide) is not much at all, I don't know where to pour it to take with me. And it seems that you also need a few doses just in case. So what do you think, a few small plastic bottles or something?

Hmm, probably I will take tablets in my home and I will mix SN outside. I will take spoon (15 ml), kitchen scales and small glass, that we use to drink shots.

I'm sorry :( soon I'll join you too without antiemetics either. Find peace

I wish you the best!

 

[Linkous M]

Hi!
This is my goodbye thread. My bus is arriving on Tuesday morning.
I recently turned 18, but despite my young age, I have been suffering from depression for many years. Although no one really gave me a specific diagnosis because I have many different symptoms. I have been to many specialists, I have been taking and taking medications, and I have been visiting psychologists and therapy. Unfortunately, this did not ease my suicidal thoughts.
I have described my feelings in the last days in the SS lounge thread, if you have read this, you know that I feel good and calm, but also tired and hopeless. Of course, I also feel fear, but since I still feel derealization, this feeling dominates and covers other feelings, which is helpful. :D I'm spending my last days happily. I eat what I want, do what I want, slack off, read and watch positive series and anime. I also play games.
Okay, so I'm ctb with SN, which is really cheap and easy to buy in my country. I didn't tested the product but I know from the seller that the purity is 98.5%. As for the consistency, it is clumpy.
Unfortunately I do not have antiemetic, i have only SN, milk of magnesia and pain killers. I believe this is enough. I'm going to do it in a meadow under a tree near my house, I will take blankets and a pillow that is a gift from my best friend. I'll also send the delayed email to the police where my body is located. Most likely 5 hours after taking SN. I don't plan any farewell letter, I'll just leave a note saying "sorry". I'm going to listen to my favorite music. Oh, I almost forgot, I'm going to take mouthwash too.
I am not sure about the amount of SN to take. I weigh 84 kilograms and I am 165 cm tall. Should I take 20 or 25 grams? Or maybe something in between? How many grams should the second dose have?
I would like to describe my feelings before and after taking SN. I admit that I am not so afraid of this method, because I have read the feelings of other users and I know what to expect. I hope that my description will also help someone. To protect site I will use tor browser and log out.
I will update the thread, and I will be happy to answer your questions.

Hi friend,
So young, so decided.
I am thinking about it, and maybe is more intelligent wait more and do the right thing. We have here a lot of failed cases because of human error.

And.i supposed that is worse if you try and don't ctb. I am here to talk about, to help, to anything. Good lucky friend

 

[Ulisses]

update us about your decision. if you decide to change your mind we are here to support. hugs and

 

[BPD Barbie]

You sound very prepared, thank you for sharing this journey with us so that we can continue to learn and document about this method. I hope its swift and peaceful for you lovely. We're here if you need us

 

[AlreadyGone]

I hope you find peace and good luck

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

i hope you find peace.

 

[CoffinDance]

Hi friend,
So young, so decided.
I am thinking about it, and maybe is more intelligent wait more and do the right thing. We have here a lot of failed cases because of human error.

And.i supposed that is worse if you try and don't ctb. I am here to talk about, to help, to anything. Good lucky friend

update us about your decision. if you decide to change your mind we are here to support. hugs and

Hi!
I give myself a chance to change my mind. I am aware that even if I change my mind, nothing will happen. It is no sin to be indecisive and frightened, especially when it comes to suicide. I am only human, I can be wrong even about my own feelings and thoughts. If I feel that I want to stay here a little longer, I will change my mind. So far, the plans are as I mentioned. I want to follow my true feelings.
Thank you all for the kind words.

 

[Sinai Silence]

Best of luck, I hope that your passing is peaceful

 

[Linkous M]

Hi!
I give myself a chance to change my mind. I am aware that even if I change my mind, nothing will happen. It is no sin to be indecisive and frightened, especially when it comes to suicide. I am only human, I can be wrong even about my own feelings and thoughts. If I feel that I want to stay here a little longer, I will change my mind. So far, the plans are as I mentioned. I want to follow my true feelings.
Thank you all for the kind words.

I hope then that there will be a peaceful passage, with a lot of peace.

 

[Ghost2211]

Age doesn't matter. Life sucks for all ages. The young wish to die for society failings. I hope you find peace. I'm sorry life has brought you to this point.

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry that life has been miserable for you, mine is horrible as well. I hope you are able to find peace in both your remaining time and in your final moments.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I'm sorry about the depression. I wish you peace.

 

[CoffinDance]

Hi!
I just want to say how I feel. Yesterday I was worried and scared that this was my last sleep in this life. Today I woke up much calmer, but I don't have much appetite, and I have to admit I'm a bit stressed. However, I feel good, I want to laugh, today I will spend the day with my parents. Overall, I am a very, very, very nervous person, so by my standards Im feeling very good now!

 

[Cherrypea]

Hi!
I just want to say how I feel. Yesterday I was worried and scared that this was my last sleep in this life. Today I woke up much calmer, but I don't have much appetite, and I have to admit I'm a bit stressed. However, I feel good, I want to laugh, today I will spend the day with my parents. Overall, I am a very, very, very nervous person, so by my standards Im feeling very good now!

I hope you enjoy your day and laugh xxx

 

[Linkous M]

Hi!
I just want to say how I feel. Yesterday I was worried and scared that this was my last sleep in this life. Today I woke up much calmer, but I don't have much appetite, and I have to admit I'm a bit stressed. However, I feel good, I want to laugh, today I will spend the day with my parents. Overall, I am a very, very, very nervous person, so by my standards Im feeling very good now!

It's a great day, do you agree?
I believe that our minds (or precisely our confusing minds) helps us a lot to look around and try another day, different. It's amazing... It's our lives.!

 

[CoffinDance]

Hi!
I started fasting at 9 pm. Now is 12:35 am. I will go to my spot when it starts to get bright, it will be between 4 and 5 am.
Almost all day I was in good mood. Now I'm calm too. Yesterday I feel knot in my throat and I was afraid that I will not be able to swallow SN, but today Im not so nervous and I don't have a ball in my throat. :D
I'm gonna watch stoopid videos on YT all night.
I will update when I take antacids.

 

[TheQ22]

Take care.

 

[rt1989526]

Peace and love

 

[Smudgedlines]

Hi!
I started fasting at 9 pm. Now is 12:35 am. I will go to my spot when it starts to get bright, it will be between 4 and 5 am.
Almost all day I was in good mood. Now I'm calm too. Yesterday I feel knot in my throat and I was afraid that I will not be able to swallow SN, but today Im not so nervous and I don't have a ball in my throat. :D
I'm gonna watch stoopid videos on YT all night.
I will update when I take antacids.

i am busy watching YouTube videos too.
is there anything we can do? Is there anything you want to talk about?Regardless... much love no matter what you decide

 

[CoffinDance]

i am busy watching YouTube videos too.
is there anything we can do? Is there anything you want to talk about?Regardless... much love no matter what you decide

I don't want anything from you all, but it is nice to see heartwarming posts in my thread. :)
I'm laying down with my cat and just chilling. Hah, but I have to be careful to not fall asleep. :D

 

[rt1989526]

Your feedback and detail is much appreciated. I'm still kind of nervous about my trip to the bus station lol

 

[Deleted member 18655]

Your feedback and detail is much appreciated. I'm still kind of nervous about my trip to the bus station lol

Me too. @CoffinDance, what changed for you to be worried and scared yesterday and calm today? Was it just a good sleep or something else?

 

[CoffinDance]

Your feedback and detail is much appreciated. I'm still kind of nervous about my trip to the bus station lol

Me too. @CoffinDance, what changed for you to be worried and scared yesterday and calm today? Was it just a good sleep or something else?

I have no idea what influenced it, I was nervous just before going to sleep, but when I woke up in the morning I was calm. Today I have read all guides and case reports about SN. Many people wrote that this method was not painful, so it comforted me. A few hours ago, I cried for a few minutes and felt relieved, since then I've felt even more relaxed.
My peace of mind is also due to the fact that I have been preparing for this day for several months. I lived each day with the thought that my end would be soon. Thanks to this, I did not feel remorse that I was not doing anything productive, in the end I know what to come. So I was alive and doing what I wanted.